Life's a Festival
by OverMaster
Summary: The Unequally Rational and Emotional Saga version of the Mahora School Festival at last! A few minor continuity retouches, nothing too important, all of them covered in the prelude. Falls in the exact same continuity as my ficlet 'Sisters'. Otherwise picks up from where 'Fate Unequally Blade Works' left, ignoring 'The Keys of the Kingdom'.
1. Prelude

_Mahou Sensei Negima!_ is the creation and registed property of Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha.

Any resemblance between the events, locations and characters of this story and any events, locations or individuals from real life is nothing but a mere, incredible coincidence.

 **WARNING:** The following story is basically about a little boy who kisses a lot of girls. If you don't like that kind of thing, please don't read this, and also, what are you doing in the Negima section in the first place?

This first chapter and the following Dramatis Personae chapter are basically just recap stuff for those who haven't read _Unequally Rational and Emotional, Magic is what you want it to be, Fate: Unequally Blade Works_ and _Sisters._

* * *

 **Life's a Festival.**

 **By OverMaster and Shadow Crystal Mage**.

* * *

 ** _Prologue:_**

 _Last Time, in the Unequally Rational and Emotional Saga..._

* * *

That evening, the ceremony proved to be just as majestic and awe-inspiring as Nekane remembered hers being, if not moreso. The country had recovered remarkably well during Negi and Anya's formative years, once Emperor Charles took over the government. Nekane didn't consider herself a politically inclined person, but she was fairly satisfied with the current state of social affairs. At least in her homeland. She was given to understand the situation was considerably more turbulent overseas, but Nekane had not been fond of reading about that, since she had taken on her surrogate mother duties.

The five honor graduates for that year stood before the Magus of Merdiana, while a choir chanted constantly in subdued yet omnipresent tones, adding to the solemn atmosphere of the procedures. Nekane barely knew the other three, but she had met them once during one of Negi's all too rare vacation breaks, and none of them had left a bad impression on her. They did seem an eccentric bunch, all things considered, but couldn't that be said of most if not all geniuses?

"Rani Eight!" the old man in dark robes with the very long white beard called out, in a booming and strong voice fitting a much younger person, and a frail looking dark-skinned young girl with long, silky purplish hair and glasses stepped ahead to receive her diploma. Nekane had occasionally wondered what kind of family name 'Eight' was, but she'd come to the conclusion that foreign mages often had names that sounded very strange for the locals. So she didn't think much of it.

"Klarion Bleak!" the Magus called next. A soft but ominous _'BUM BUM BUM'_ sounded as the pale, black haired boy in question marched towards the man, politely accepting his title while his black cat pet purred and rubbed herself against his legs.

"Bridget Evans!" To this call of the Headmaster, a truly sorry-looking, petite girl with blond hair and blue eyes dragged her nervous steps over, to be handed her certificate of graduation, constantly throwing terrified looks towards the smirking Klarion and impassive Rani.

Nekane smiled fondly at the three, oblivious to how very few in the audience shared those feelings at all. Yes, she thought, those had to have been three very good friends for Negi and Anya! She was sure of it!

"Anya Cocolova!" the Headmaster said next, as Anya marched to meet her, her chest swelling up with pride and still managing to remain flat. The red-haired girl bowed graciously for the Magus, then twirled around on one feet and walked back. She and Klarion exchanged a discreet sticking out of the tongue at each other, as the boy's cat hissed at her.

Nekane felt herself soar with pride. Her child, her precious baby, had earned a title with honors. If only her father could see her now! And adding to that happiness, now it was the turn for -

"Negi Springfield!" the Magus commanded, and the youngest of the graduates came along, hurrying up the aisle with a bright smile.

"Yes, Sir!" The boy was so eager he had forgotten you were supposed to march in silence, not that anyone would hold that against him. Nekane's happiness was complete as he took his diploma, bathed by the silver moonlight coming down through the skylights of the Academy. Then everyone in the audience stood up and clapped for the graduates, who all bowed as one for their public. The ceremony had been flawless; no attacks of dementors, demons, trolls, hobgoblins, gremlins, leprechauns, goblins, witches, mutants, time travelers, Knightmare Frames, terrorists, the Juggernaut, slimes, vampires or werewolves for once. The random mummy assassin during the buffet had been dispatched easily with no losses. It should have clued Nekane in that the night wasn't going to end smoothly.

Anya received her assignment first, when the three of them had retired to enjoy some peace and quietness at a balcony. She gushed as the words appeared on her scroll, in elegant black Gothic letters. "A fortune teller at London!" she cried in glee. "This is great! Everyone makes it big in London! Oh God, I might even meet Vincent van Ghoul! Negiiii?" She smirked his way, sure there was no way he could have gotten anything nearly as cool and incredible as the job the forces of Destiny had intended for her. "What did you get?"

Nekane had been pleased for that twist as well. London was a bit further than she'd have liked, but she still could visit Anya a few times a year, until she met the conditions to become a Magistra Magi. Now, if only Negi got a similarly nice and easy job of his own.

"I think it's coming out now," the boy hummed as he intently looked at his scroll, where the letters were coming out slowly, one by one. "Let's see ... this is..." he began reading aloud, "Become... a... teacher..."

"A teacher!" Anya laughed. "I guess there's some truth to that old saying! Those who can't, teach!"

Negi, meanwhile, had paled while reading the final few words on the scroll. "... in... Japan..."

Anya's laughter died in her suddenly dry throat.

Nekane made a short choked sound, assimilated the full meaning of what she had just heard, and then made another sound of a non-human nature before falling unconscious on her back.

"AHHH! SISTER!" a shocked Negi cried out. That was the last thing Nekane could hear before falling into a very bizarre dream, which we won't bother to describe here. Or will we?

* * *

The old Headmaster sat alone in his impossibly huge office, pleasantly humming to himself after scurrying away from the frankly boring socializing that dominated the end of the graduation party. It was not like he disliked being in the company of youngsters, like most old wizards, mages and sorcerers after a few decades of cultivating a long beard and amassing a hefty collection of arcane tomes, but after dozens of graduation ceremonies, you had pretty much seen it all before and grown bored of it. Besides, there always was someone who was displeased with their choice of assignments, and discussing such things in public was so much of a faux pas. It was better to wait there, in private, until that person or persons (if it was a particularly bad year) stormed in there after a brief consultation with Donet, as was no doubt about to happen right -

"MAGUS!" Anya Cocolova stormed in, followed by a mortified Negi who supported a dizzy and weeping Nekane. "Sir, we need a recount! I mean, a second opinion! What about a consultation with the spirits, Sir? That can be done, cannot it?"

The old man looked up calmly from the documents he had been analyzing to kill time while waiting. What a surprise, even if he didn't show it. He had been expecting Klarion -

 _'BUM BUM BUM'_

How did the boy do that, anyway? Even the Magus was stumped.

Negi blinked. "Were you thinking about Klarion, Professor?" he asked, over the distant ' _BUM BUM BUM'_ in the background.

Gently ignoring that question, the Magus addressed Anya instead. "Ah, Miss Cocolova. Sorry to cause you any further annoyance, but not only can I not do anything about the choice of the spirits of magic, but I would have expected for you to know that already."

"I'm not talking about mine, mine is awesome and incredible!" the pint sized redhead cried, pointing at Negi. "But his! Somehow, the spirits thought it would be a good idea to send Negi - Negi of all people - to teach in Area Eleven!"

"The correct term is 'Japan'," the old master calmly corrected, before gesturing towards the boy. "Might I see it, regardless, dear lad?"

"Of course, Professor!" he quickly complied, as Nekane sobbed.

The old man examined the scroll, nodded twice, then showed the words to Anya. "See? It says it so right here. Japan. Not Area Eleven. I think you'll agree the spirits know better than politics, won't you?"

"Th-That isn't the point!" Anya was boiling up now. "The point is, the Elevens, sorry, Japanese will eat Negi out! He's a doormat, a poor sap, a hapless wimp, a -"

"A-hem," Nekane managed to cough, displaying some disagreement even through her tears.

Anya flinched for a moment. "Well ... he's Negi! He isn't fit for that kind of task!"

"He is, otherwise it wouldn't have been assigned to him," the man replied as he gave Negi his diploma back.

"But -!" Anya protested.

"He's only a child!" Nekane said.

"As the Eleve- Japanese would say, it can't be helped," the Magus shrugged. "The spirits' decisions are final, and mere mortals such as we cannot contradict or disobey them. It hasn't been done during the entire history of this educational system, and I see no reason for it to happen now either."

"That is cruel!" Nekane complained. "To send him alone, across the ocean, to a foreign country with a different language and customs!"

"Doesn't he already know Japanese, not to mention another half a dozen foreign tongues?" the Dean curiously inquired.

"I do," Negi nodded.

"Can you eat raw fish with chopsticks while sleeping on the floor, huh huh?" Anya asked him. "Moron, you aren't fit to live there!"

"At least tell me I can go with him! He will need protection!" Nekane said, slamming both hands on the desk, leaning forward, and desperately pleading.

Unfortunately, her conservative black dress showed no cleavage, so the Magus was unfazed by her posture. "Sorry, but the customs are the Magister-to-be cannot be aided by anyone or anything but a familiar, and any Ministra they can recruit during their mission..."

"MINISTRA!" Anya's pigtails stood up. "Don't make it any worse, Sir!"

"Let him grow, please. He won't be a strong man as if his father if you keep doubting his capacities," the Magus requested, and that made Negi's eyebrows go up. "At his age, Nagi already was an accomplished fighter and -"

"And look where that lead him!" Nekane dared to interrupt him, at her wit's end. For him to end up like Uncle, that was the last thing she wished for him.

The Magus looked somewhat surprised, but not offended, she had actually dared to cut him short. That was so very unlike Nekane, but then again, a lioness looking after her cubs, and all of that. He sighed. "My apologies, but nothing can be done about it. If that's the suggested path, it is because it is the one that will work out the best for him. But I understand your concerns, so I will arrange for a friend of mine at Mahora Academy to arrange a safe position for Negi in his staff. Just the other day, we were chatting and he mentioned needing a good English teacher. That sounds right up your alley, Negi!"

The boy gulped, but then nodded firmly. "If it's what I need to do to follow Father's path, I'll gladly do it, Professor."

"Neeeeegiiiiii!" Anya gritted her teeth.

"Negi," Nekane sighed, in a deflated, defeated way. She could sway him far from anything, but from that self-destructive race along Nagi's path. Which was exactly what Nekane wanted to steer him away from the most. She had to think of something, and quickly, but what?

The old man and the boy were shaking hands now. "That's the spirit, my lad. You will like Konoe Konoemon. He was an old acquaintance of your father."

"Seriously?!" he said, even more excited now.

It was getting worse and worse, Nekane decided, stifling her tears. She had to do anything, no matter how drastic it seemed, to save her Negi from becoming another globe trotting vagabond running after insane adventures that would get him -

"Professor!" Another boy was storming in now, his face constricted in anger. "I demand that you to do something about this 'Librarian in Gotham City' nonsense!"

"Ah, Klarion," the Magus said. _('BUM BUM BUM.')_ "Please come closer and take a seat. The Springfields and Miss Cocolova were just leaving."

* * *

Blah blah blah, fateful and fated meeting of adorable boy mage and abrasive cosplaying hacker girl.

Blah blah blah, girl learns the boy's secret of being a mage. Blah blah blah, allegedly nobody can know that or he'll be turned into an ermine.

Blah blah blah, immortal Loli vampire witch attacks, is briefly driven back.

* * *

"Ah... Good morning!" Negi-sensei, wearing his usual formal suit ensemble, and as always carrying his bandaged staff around, bashfully greeted Ayaka, standing at her butler Sebastian's right. Behind them, Hasegawa Chisame, in a plain white shirt and blue pants, merely nodded her head once in the rich girl's direction. Hakase Satomi stood nearby, not looking at the hostess at all, clad in shorts and a black shirt, taking some samples of wood from a tree and carefully placing them inside of a small metallic container.

"Good morning, Iinchou-chan!" Shiina Sakurako, in a very short and tight skirt and sleeveless orange top, smiled at her, a red cap perched on the top of her head.

"Hello! You look very good today!" Konoe Konoka chirped, happy as a free bird, at Sakurako's left and sporting a pretty summer dress with sandals.

"You're looking a bit too fancy for a simple short visit, though..." Finally, the bane of Ayaka's existence, Kagurazaka Asuna, completed the group, crossing her arms and looking rather nonchalant in a simple but elegant ensemble of a light red blouse and a matching skirt.

"Wha-What are you all doing here?" a livid Ayaka aimed an accusing finger at her five classmates.

"He's still new here. He doesn't know the local bus routes yet," Chisame dryly answered.

"And besides, I heard it's dangerous to allow children to wander alone here," Asuna made the vaguest hint of a smirk.

"No, but it's dangerous to allow Kagurazaka Asunas to stalk around these premises!" Ayaka said with a dangerous glint in her eyes. "The guard dogs might eat them!"

"Come on, calm down, calm down," Konoka easily asked. "We're all friends here, aren't we?"

"Most of us, yes!" Ayaka kept her angry glare fixed on her rival.

"No discussion there," Asuna nodded. "Let's see, one, two, three, four, five, and six," she counted herself, Konoka, Sakurako, Negi, Chisame and Satomi. "Yep, a clear majority!"

Hakase finally looked at Ayaka when the sounds of heavy fighting had started. "Oh, hello, Iinchou-san! You do have some rather scarce species around here. I even collected some samples of the nearly extinct hunchbacked rhinoceros beetle of striped wings. Iinchou-san? Why are you fighting Asuna-san?"

"IF YOU AREN'T MY FRIEND, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING HERE!" the heiress said as she attempted her best to land a kick on Asuna.

"BELIEVE ME, NEITHER DO I!" Asuna kept on dodging her, similarly failing at landing a punch on her face.

"Stop it, you two, please!" Negi flailed his arms around, trying to keep them apart from each other.

"Asuna! Asuna! Remember your promise!" Konoka also tried to interfere.

"I have the feeling this is going to end up becoming a live action game of Clue," Chisame moaned.

"Colonel Mustard, with the knife, at the library!" Sakurako giggled. "I bet you forty on that!"

"Should I bring the crowbar to pry them apart?" the tallest of the maids who stood behind Ayaka asked, in an extremely dry tone.

"Cisneros-san, you know that's the absolute last resource!" Fubuki-san scolded her. "Go get the bucket of cold water first."

"Ho ho ho ho!" an eerily identical facsimile of Ayaka's Ojou laugh, but much higher pitched and childlike in tone, rang from the top of the mansion's entrance ramp. Negi followed the source of the sound with his gaze to find himself looking at a girl around his own age, who struck a remarkably similar appearance to Ayaka, only much smaller, and with her blond hair made into long twintails at each side. She wore elegant sandals with lovely small pink bows, plus a light white summer dress that perhaps showed off more of her legs than it should have. Evangeline would not have objected to wearing it, however. "So this is the boy, Negi Springfield? I will personally evaluate him! To see if he is worthy of being my husband!"

 _ **"H-Husband?!-?!"**_ Negi yelled abruptly, almost leaping back while Chisame's eyes widened hideously behind her glasses.

Ayaka quickly pushed the still struggling Asuna away from herself and pulled back, assuming a stiff standing position and angrily glaring at the little girl over her shoulder. "Mizore!" she hissed. "That's no way to greet Negi-sensei into our humble abode! Look, you've just startled him with your tasteless jokes!"

Fubuki gestured towards the little lady, with the same utmost respect she showed for Ayaka. "For all those not in the know, you stand in the presence of Yukihiro Mizore-sama, second heiress of the Yukihiro fortune and honorable sister to Ayaka Ojou-sama."

Mizore shrugged carelessly at her big sister, haughtily marching down the front steps and ignoring the maid squad bowing for her. "Fine, fine then. I will personally evaluate him to see if he is worthy of being _your_ husband. Isn't that much better, Onee-sama?"

"N-No, it isn't!" a crimson-faced Ayaka growled, tightening her fists as the short girl stopped right before the blinking, voiceless, now very pale Negi. "Show some manners, this is my teacher we are talking about, and more importantly, addressing, here!"

"He should address us back then," Mizora observed with a slight disapproving frown. "I thought he was perfectly fluent in Japanese? Then why hasn't he—"

"Oh! Ah, sorry, how could I forget! Yukihiro Mizore-sama! It's a real honor!" Negi fell to a knee before the little girl as she gracefully extended a hand towards him, one that he tentatively grabbed to place a soft, fleeting kiss on its perfumed back.

"You're overdoing it a bit, brat," Asuna muttered to him under her breath.

"Yes, for once I can agree with Asuna-san, offensive crass appellation aside. Please stand up, Sensei," Ayaka gently allowed as she stepped right behind him, helping him back up. "No teacher of mine should ever kneel before any of us."

Mizore smiled smugly. "Well, not that I would care if he did. At least he seems to know his place!"

"... wait!" a blank-eyed Chisame asked, holding her hand up. Then she looked at Ayaka in a highly confused and nearly helpless way. "You never mentioned you had a sister!"

"Didn't she?" Satomi blinked. "I'm quite sure she did, at the very least once."

"No, I'm pretty sure she didn't!" Chisame protested.

"I'm sure that's just you, because you're, well, Chisame," Asuna piped in, in that innocently insensitive way of hers. "I mean, if you weren't an only child and had a sister, I'm sure you wouldn't have told us about her either."

"I *do* have a sister!" Chisame protested.

"See?" Asuna said. "I'm proved right again!"

"You hadn't told your other classmates about me?" Mizore frowned cutely at Ayaka. "What, are you ashamed of me or anything?"

"Well—" Ayaka began, feeling rather tempted to be completely honest if not because of Negi's presence.

"I'm sure Chisame was the only one who didn't know about you yet, Mizore-chan," Sakurako reassured her. "Don't worry too much about it!"

"You even knew each other?!" Chisame gasped at them.

Sakurako nodded, blinking. "Why shouldn't we? This isn't exactly my first time here..."

Mizore chuckled, leaning slightly towards Chisame. "I take it, then, you are the boy's guardian? The one Onee-sama's always jealous about? I would suggest you to keep him away from her! Onee-sama is dangerous!"

"... yeah, well, I'm well aware of that already..." Chisame confessed, sounding somewhat deflated and quite not sure what to make of the situation.

"Mizore-sama, please!" Negi objected. "That, that's no way for a younger sibling to speak of an older sister!"

Mizore turned back to him, laughing on his face. "Ah ha ha ha! How long have you been teaching her? She's a menace! A formidable predator sinking her venomous fangs on every cute boy who crosses her path! She truly is an enemy to all boykind!"

"Yeah, that's our Iinchou alright," Asuna sagely nodded seconds right before Ayaka, for once, ignored her to instead leap past the stunned and rattled Chisame and Negi, angrily pouncing on her little sister and taking firm, cruel hold of her cheeks. "Ah, why couldn't Mizore-chan have been the older sister and our classmate?"

"T-Take that back! Take that slander back, you little, ungrateful, Asuna-esque... ruffian! I will have to teach you a lesson!" Ayaka protested to her sister unit.

"Eeeee!" Mizore screeched, shaking her head to free it from the cheek-pulling grip of her sister, then spinning around to wrap her legs around hers in a tight lock, sending her down to the ground with her. "Not if I can help it, Onee-sama! Bad Onee-sama! You're just upset you lost to a pasty, pockmarked nerd and want to vent it out on meeeee!"

"Ch-Chisame-san is not pasty!" Negi cried, rushing past the twitching Chisame and to the sisters who now rolled across the grass in a madly agitating Big Ball of Tumbling Violence. "And please don't fight! Don't fight!"

"This is our house and we'll fight if we want to!" Mizore growled at him before having one of her wrists grabbed by Ayaka, who promptly held her back in a tight backbreaker from behind, straining herself to keep the shorter girl contained without pulling the wrestling move all the way out and really hurting her. "Ow, ow, not fair, he distracted me! Don't tell me he's in on it this time! Gigolo, you got yourself a gigolo!"

"Ojou-sama, please don't use that kind of dirty language, what would your parents say?" Siesta the maid softly chided her from the sidelines.

Roberta clapped twice, stoically. "However, I must congratulate you on your use of the Shundo and Kuzushi. You have made outstanding progresses lately..."

"She's still a hundred years too early to defeat me!" Ayaka huffed, pressing her already panting, flushed sister on her stomach against the grass, and standing up from her defeated form while straightening her own dress down with as much dignity as she could gather back. "Hopefully, that will remind you to never disrespect your family again just so you can look better!"

"Well, I wouldn't know about that," Asuna cynically observed. "In any fight between a girl of fourteen and a girl of nine, no way the latter won't end up looking better than the other..."

Ayaka blushed, angrily at first and then in actual shame as she looked at Negi's wide eyed, disappointed looking expression. She half muttered an incoherent, ashamed apology before quickly kneeling by Mizore's side and helping her back up. "Come on, come on, I didn't punish you that sternly. What will Negi-sensei think, if you—"

Mizore answered with a low grunt and a fist directly into Ayaka's face as she went back up to her feet.

Asuna nodded. "Yeah, having Mizore-chan as a classmate would have been the best."

* * *

"YAHOO!" Asuna laughed as she threw her blouse, the final piece left remaining of her outer clothes, aside and took a very high jump up into the mansion's gigantic pool with a splash, now reduced to a bright pink one piece.

"Here we go!" Konoka followed suit seconds afterward, now clad in nothing but a dark blue school swimsuit.

"It's party time!" Sakurako joined in, wearing a rather skimpy orange bikini with polka dot dark red spots.

The three girls began to swim around and playfully splash each other as Chisame calmly removed her pants and stood in a simple dark purple one piece, shaking her head. "Honestly, you guys... The nerve of you..."

"Oh, come on, Chisame-chan!" Sakurako splashed in her direction. "As if you're any better! You brought a swimsuit, too!"

"You all but forced us to!" the hacker snapped back.

"Asuna-chan, Konoka-san, Shiina-san, wait for meeeee!" Mizore ran out of the manor and towards the edge of the pool, clad in nothing but a highly inappropriate black bikini that was clearly too skimpy for someone of her age.

* * *

 _A few weeks before:_

Mizore looked towards the set of older girls who were trying swimsuits of their own a short distance away from them.

"I'm not trying to hide anything!" protested the one with long black hair in a white bikini, its lower half covered by a white and light green sarong. "It's just, it's just—!"

"Sorry for the wait!" interrupted a much older woman's voice, as a young lady who was much shorter than the other gathered girls stepped out of one of the dressing rooms. The girl's extremely youthful appearance and her quirky, somewhat strange voice did not exactly match at all, but what impressed Mizore the most was the girl's choice of swimwear. Clad in nothing but the flimsiest of tiny black bikinis, she was confidently stepping out, tossing her light brown twintails around with a sensual motion of her head.

 _"Oh wow,"_ Mizore whispered to herself.

Oblivious to the elementary student looking at them, the almost naked girl told her friends in much more conservative swimsuits, "I was a bit disappointed they only have reserved designs, but I guess this is all you can expect from ready made clothes."

"How, how should I put it..." began the girl in the white bikini, unable of quite completing the sentence.

"As expected from Shirai-san..." sighed the girl with short black hair and a crown of flowers (?) on it.

"Individuality is important!" smiled the beautiful girl with wavy brown hair in a green bikini, bringing her hands together.

"Y-Yeah..." agreed the dark haired girl in the light blue one piece by her side, a bit more hesitant.

The girl in the dark blue one piece at the head of the group cringed as this 'Shirai-san' approached her enticingly, placing a hand behind her own neck and twisting her hips towards her suggestively. "This probably won't fulfill your desires, but please bear with it, Onee-sama!"

"N-No, I don't want any more anyway," mumbled the visibly disgusted target of her affections as the bold girl kept on turning around in place, wiggling her ass at her.

Mizore gulped, looked back at the stunned saleswoman who stood before her, and matter-of-factly requested, "I want one of those in my size!"

* * *

Laughing and being greeted with more laughs by the older girls, Mizore audaciously leapt into the water, joining Asuna, Konoka and Sakurako, and especially swimming quickly into Asuna's arms, to share a quick but strong sisterly hug with her, both young ladies giggling as one.

Satomi, on the other hand, was now in a light blue two piece made of short shorts and a brief sleeveless top which showed her navel area. She sat down next to the pool, barely dipping her feet in. Slowly, the genius sighed, feeling terribly bored already. After the discoveries at the front yard, the rest of the manor offered no excitement to her. She started to envy Chachamaru, who had gotten to stay at home under the pretenses of cleaning the apartment and then looking after the cats.

Then the scientist felt someone's gaze sharply fixed on her. She looked up to see Sakurako floating right before her, eyeing her like a mischievously crocodile stalking a prey.

"Is-Is there something wrong?" Hakase couldn't help but feeling slightly wary for some reason.

"Of course there is!" the cheerleader protested. "You aren't in here with us, silly!"

"I'm... not a good swimmer," Satomi averted her glare. "You know I have to struggle with it at classes."

"All the more reason for you to practice now, then!" Konoka pointed out.

"Yeah, Prof," Asuna nodded. "Loose down just for once. It'll do you good!"

"I'm not sure..."

"Oh, for the love of—!" Sakurako grabbed her by an ankle and pulled her into the water with herself, gaining a brief shriek from Hakase. "You gotta stop overthinking everything!"

"Kya! No!" Hakase waved her hands around, struggling to break free and return to dry land, but the (even if only marginally) stronger cheerleader wouldn't have anything of it.

Mizore paused in her horseplay with Asuna and Konoka, blinking at the sight of the two girls' shared moment. "Wow," she quietly mouthed out. "Is she like Shirai-san, then?"

Asuna paused as well, mildly perplexed. "Who?"

Mizore blushed, then quickly waved a hand around. "N-Nobody, don't mind, Asuna-san! I was just thinking of someone I met recently, that's all..."

Negi, in the meantime, was walking out of the dressing room for men clad in sandals and boxers, shirtless, and smiled warmly at seeing his students playing amongst themselves. However, he still remained as quiet as he could before any of them thought about dragging him into the... water...

Then he felt the door of the other dressing room behind him being opened, and he looked back with a gentle grin. "Ah, Iinchou-san! Thank you very much for... for..."

Wearing an elegant but pretty revealing white biniki, her pale feet bare, her gold hair waving loose behind her at each step, the Class Rep looked down at the suddenly silent boy. "Yes, Sensei?" she sweetly asked.

"No, nothing!" he hurried to complete the sentence, wondering what had just happened to himself. "Just wanted to give you our thanks for your hospitality!"

"Oh, it's my pleasure!" the vision of beauty laughed it off. "It's the least I can do for you!"

"Hey, Iinchou!" Asuna called out from the water. "Wanna go for a race?"

"No, thanks!" the heiress huffed. "There's no way I ever could beat a kappa monster in its element!"

Asuna seemed offended for a moment, but she let it to slide.

Mizore stuck her tongue out at her sister. "Blah! You're only all too aware Asuna-san will win every time because you're a slowpoke! Why don't you race against me, then?"

"Whatever gave you the impression I was talking about Asuna-san when I mentioned the kappa, Mizore-chan? Come on, let's leave the children to their games, Sensei," Ayaka said as she lured Negi away from the fuming Mizore, until they both took chairs around a large beach table with a colorful umbrella on top. "Truly, they're are so immature for their ages... while you are so mature for yours," she lovingly sighed.

"Oh, no, not at all," he denied.

"And so modest, as well!" she cooed. "Do you want more cookies?" she grabbed a bowl of them that was at the other side of the table and offered it to him. "I made them myself!"

"No, you didn't!" Mizore said from the pool. "Give Siesta-san her credit! Relationships built on lies won't last!" Mizore chided loudly, holding a pointer finger up in faux-sagedom.

Ayaka blushed intensely. "What, what in the world are you trying to say with that?! What are you implying?!"

"She knows you far too well..." Asuna snarked with a sly grin.

"Please, let's just enjoy this afternoon in peace, okay?!" Negi requested, his voice pitched up in what almost was a tired whine.

 _At the mansion's kitchen, meanwhile, Siesta sneezed loudly all of a sudden._

 _The black haired maid rubbed her nose with a tissue. "Ojou-sama must be taking credit for the cookies again..." she guessed._

* * *

Blah blah blah, immortal Loli vampire witch attacks again, harder and more cruelly than before.

Blah blah blah, adorable boy mage kisses abrasive cosplaying hacker girl, mad scientist roommate girl, cowardly sprint runner nun girl, and cheerleader with loose morals girl to give them magical powers so they can help him against immortal Loli vampire witch, just like you would.

* * *

"MEA VIRGA!" Evangeline heard, rising above the concerned shouts of her classmates.

And she felt herself grabbed by a wrist and pulled up, quickly gaining height as she opened her eyes again. She looked into the boy's bright eyes, and felt her heart skipping a bit. "What...?"

"Evangeline-san!" he said. "Are you okay?"

Her mouth moved angrily. "Wh-Why have you saved me!? I could have killed you! What kind of imbecile are you!?" She tightened her hands against her bare chest.

"You're my student, Evangeline-san," he warmly said, pulling the still wet magical staff further down towards the bridge. "I don't need any other reason."

She bit her lower lip, turning her head aside. "What a cretin."

As they landed, he softly put her down, while Itoshiki offered her his hakama shirt to cover herself up. She accepted it with a grunt, hastily pulling it around her torso. Chisame ran to Negi's side, eyes welled up in tears, hitting his head with a fist. "You stupid idiot!" Then she hugged him, pressing him against herself. "What if you had died?! We'd have been in despair! Your death would have left us in despair!"

"And those are my catchphrases," Nozomu humbly said, being as ignored as usual.

"We did it...?" Misora was groggily saying, coming back to her feet aided by Cocone and approaching them. "Wait. We really are alive? We did it for real? Hell, yeah! We beat the Dark Evangel! We're The Man! We're The Man!"

 _"Baka,"_ Cocone whispered.

Chachamaru was coming back online as Hakase finished pulling pieces of needles out of her eyes. "Master... Sorry. I..." her voice faltered. "Failed you again..."

"Hush. Hush, please," Satomi told her maternally. "Nothing of this is your fault..."

"You did great, Negi-kun," Misa rubbed his hair and winked an eye at him.

"Indeed," Itoshiki pushed his glasses up his nose before pulling his wooden ruler out again. "Highly courageous. However," he aimed the ruler at the girls, "You have broken one of magic's main taboos! I'm sorry, but I'll have to erase your memories before we all are sentenced to an eternity of erminedom!"

Despite her blurred vision and her current damaged mobility, Chachamaru still managed to be before him in a flash, to grab his thin wrist very strongly. "Don't you dare."

"Sensei!" a tiny voice came from the other side of the bridge, panting and wheezing. "If you want to punish someone, punish me, please! It's all my fault, after all!"

They all looked at the newcomer; Kaga Ai stood with her hands on her knees, hunched over and with her tongue almost hanging out. "Sorry I failed both you, Sensei, and you, Eva-sama! I deserve anything you can do to me!"

"What the blazes?" Evangeline said. "You managed to break through my spell, and keeping your memories of it? How?"

"I'm sorry, but I can't say!" Ai wailed. "I-I just know I couldn't keep doing any harm to Sensei, so I broke down like the useless thing I am! Then I saw the lights at the distance, and I guessed you'd be here, so I came to apologize!"

"Where are your classmates, Kaga-san?" Itoshiki asked her.

"Ummm... Like you said, I left them at a safe place... One where no one will think of looking for them to hurt them..."

Cocone approached her, touched her, and blinked. "You left them at a trash dump."

Ai cried again. "They were too heavy for me to drag them all the way up! It's the dump right outside our dorm!"

Nozomu sighed. "It's good you're here, in any case. So I can erase your memory too..."

Negi stepped between him and the girls, extending his arms and shielding them all. "You'll have to erase my memory first!"

"Negi-kun...!" Misa breathed.

Itoshiki glared at him. "Is this a conscious challenge to the Academy's regulations, Negi-sensei? This could have quite serious consequences for you..."

Without saying a single word, the boy still stood against him, glaring back with intensity.

Feeling not only his eyes, but those of all the girls, from Evangeline's sharp and cold ones to Kaga's confused and fearful ones, so squarely fixed on him, the older teacher finally sighed and pocketed his ruler back. "I know I'll regret this."

"I can sympathize," Chisame honestly offered.

"Thank you for your undeserved vote of confidence!" Ai fell to her knees before them all. "I swear on my life I won't ever reveal your dark, horrible secret to the unaware masses you no doubt are preparing to sacrifice to the foul beasts of the pit in a naked orgy of lewd and immoral acts!"

Misa perked up. "Lewd and immoral acts, huh? Do we really do those things at this business?"

"What's the deal with her?" Chisame asked.

"Long story. I'll tell you later," the cheerleader promised.

"Hm, hm, hm. Dolts, all of you," Evangeline said, finally regaining her habitual aloofness. "Chachamaru! As for you, to make up for your unforgivable new failure, you'll have to repay me with decades, no, _centuries_ of the most abject servitude!"

"So no change then?" Nozomu asked.

Chachamaru looked hopeful. "Does that mean you aren't going to dismiss me, Master?"

"Dismiss you? HAH! That'd be too merciful to you! Your ass is mine, Chachamaru!" The undead mage closed a fist up. "And I'm going to make sure you work the hell out of it! Your ass is going to be so sore you'll never be able to sit down again!"

"Can't you pronounce two sentences without saying anything that won't be grounds for a sexual harassment lawsuit?" Misa wondered.

"Thank you so very much, Master," the robot softly smiled.

Negi, meanwhile, was chuckling softly, pulling his roster-book out and writing 'WE BEAT HER!' under Eva's picture. "Anyway, Evangeline-san, now you'll stop attacking people at night, won't you? And you won't skip any more classes, either... You'll study hard so you can graduate along with everyone else!"

Evangeline's dangerous smirk returned. "We'll see about that. But remember this, and remember it well, Boya. Watch your back. Because I'm far from being the only powerful enemy your father made, and they'll be gunning for you right like I was. You might not be so lucky next time." She turned to his Ministra. "As for the lot of you, I'd suggest pondering your future choices while you still have them. Tonight, you put on a pathetic, sad showing of poor, uncoordinated skills. If you really want to be Ministra Magi, you'll have to try better than that. If not, just quit right now. You've been warned. That's something the Mistress of Darkness does for almost no one." Her fierce green eyes sparkled threateningly.

Chisame looked stunned for a few moments at such grim words, until she noticed Negi staring up at her. "Talking about that, Chisame-san, whatever happened to your mouth?" He worriedly reached up, putting a hand on a cheek of his first Ministra. "Does it hurt?"

"Oh, this? It's nothing, really!" Chisame said while crouching down to give him a better view of her gums. "Chachamaru only grazed me with a fist. It doesn't even hurt anymore!"

"Are you sure about that, Hasegawa Chisame?" Evangeline chuckled callously, then grabbed Negi and Chisame's heads and pushed them against each other, making their lips to crash in a rough kiss. "Let's see about that!"

Negi's eyes widened just as Chisame's ones watered up with sudden tears of sharp pain.

At that moment, Chamo finally arrived the scene, bathed in sweat and dragging himself on. "Path too long... Legs too short..." Then he brightened. "Oh, Bro! I see you all decided to skip the pointless fight and just start a wild party! Way to go! I'll get the video camera, whipped cream and lubricant"

"KYAAAAA!" Chisame jerked her head back. "THAT HURT!"

As Misora and Misa began to tease her mercilessly, Negi seemed vacant and mesmerized for a moment, while absently swallowing the few drops of the blood from Chisame's gums, rolling them into his tongue, finding its taste so wonderfully sweet. If he had been more aware of himself, he'd have noticed, at the same time, a brief tingle at the spot of his neck where Eva had bitten him. But the strange sensation went as quick as it had come, and he paid it no actual attention.

* * *

"Oneesama, for the last time, please, before you do anything you'll regret! Are you sure about this?"

"The new Grail War is all upon us. The end times are coming, Sakura," the pigtailed young woman in the short black skirt and the tight red sweater spoke sternly, her green eyes shining sharply. "The omens are clear! Twilight had a movie run! Simon Cowell really left American Idol! They finally released that movie based on the fourth Light Novel in that series by Tanigawa Nagaru! There is no escape. When the World of Magic comes crashing down, it'll drag its mortal sibling with itself. The only thing any of us can do is to stand and fight. And for that, I'll need a strong Servant, the best of them all. Only through our victory and mastery over the Holy Grail, will we manage to turn the tides in time."

The younger, bustier girl behind her sighed with resignation. "Whatever you say, Onee-sama. Though…"

"What now?"

"Do we have to do this in the living room? We might break the TV!"

"Oh, for pity's sake…!"

The next several minutes were spent constructively moving the TV a safe distance away. Their dormitory consisted of a single small building only for the two of them. Such were the advantages of coming from such a prestigious, powerful family. No one would disturb the ritual. Tohsaka Rin took her place in the center of the large circle drawn on the floor and closed her eyes, extending a fist up and holding an open book at her other hand, despite the fact she recited the lines from memory.

 _"Let thy body rest under my dominion, let my Fate rest in thy blade. If thou submittest to the call of the Holy Grail and if thou wilt obey this mind, this reason, then thou shalt respond.""_

Sakura stared, aghast and yet prey to a morbid, wide-eyed fascination, at how the marks appeared on the back of her older sister's closed right fist. Rin's skirt fluttered up as the air around them grew heavier, smelling slightly of gas, and the circle beneath her began to faintly glow in scarlet. She actually was doing it!

" _I make my oath here. I am that person who is to become the virtue of all Heavens. I am that person who is covered with the evil of all Hades. Thou seven heavens, clad in a trinity of words, come past thy restraining rings, and be thou the hands that protect the balance-!"_

The red haze grew almost blinding as Rin tightened the fist up and squeezing the sharp gem in her palm, a single drop of blood falling from her hand, touching the circle and making it burn to life, its blinding light engulfing Rin for a second, forcing Sakura to step back.

And then their roof exploded with an earth shaking boom.

A few blocks away, Negi woke up, blinked groggily, and looked through the nearest window. "Izzat a sudden magic outburst...?" he mumbled.

Chisame grumbled and pulled him back into the bed. "Shaddap an' sleep. We've a long day ahead tomorrow..."

As Sakura regained her sight, she saw her sister sitting flat on her butt, her hair a mess, a few steps away, staring at the column of dark purple smoke right under the hole at their roof, and the small yet bulky figure standing on the middle of said smoke.

 _ **"I am the terror that hunts in the night..."**_ a voice called to her.

Cold, merciless eyes framed within a dark mask.

"An Avenger!" Rin guessed with a panicked, yes, panicked gulp the likes of which Sakura had never heard from her. "An Avenger of all classes, blast my luck! But... But I wanted a Saber!"

 _ **"I am the jackal that gnaws at your bones..."**_ the voice added, as the figure took a bold step towards the girls.

Massive shoulderblades armed with tall, sharp spikes. A wide hat obscuring most of its features in a grim, unnerving way. A long black cape trailing behind it.

"Avengers aren't good for anything but unbalancing the system and messing things up! Why, why, why!" Rin ranted as if Sakura didn't know any of that already, although it didn't sound like she was exactly talking to her either. If anything, it sounded more like desperate sheer venting out. "And this one's too small!"

"… It's a duck," Sakura incredulously stated.

 _ **"I am... Servant Avenger!"**_ the Servant announced, pulling out a gigantic missile launcher. _**"So, which one of you's supposed to be my Master...?"**_

The sisters remained perfectly still and silent for a few minutes, until Sakura slowly pointed at Rin, then warily asked her, "By the way, Onee-sama... When it's time to recharge his Mana...?"

Rin paled a few shades down, then fainted on place like a choked Victorian damsel.

The mysterious masked figure looked down at her. _**"... Are you sure she's up to the task?"**_

Sakura inhaled as deeply as she could and forced herself to remember things could be worse.

She could have been sent to live with the Matous, after all. Or heaven forbid, the Itoshikis!

And at least they moved the TV…

* * *

Blah blah blah, depressed suicidal teacher kisses pathologic Guilt Complex girl.

Blah blah blah, adorable boy mage kisses hotheaded Baka newspaper delivering girl and happy go lucky lesbian cheerleader girl.

Blah blah blah, older and stronger doppelgangers from an alternate and better written dimension show up.

* * *

Negi sat behind his desk, waiting patiently for the next parent who would give their authorization for the Kyoto trip. So far, he had talked with Professor Akashi, who naturally posed no obstacles for Yuuna's attendance, and Ako's uncle and tutor, writer Izumi Soujirou, a rather unkempt but affable and agreeable man. He looked at his schedule; next on list was Haruna's mother, and then Zazie's. Frankly, he was curious about what kind of women they would be.

Someone knocked at the door, and he fixed his tie for the umpteenth time. "C-come in, please!" he said.

The orange-haired head of a teenage boy peeked in. "Excuse me... N-Negi-sensei, right? I'm Yuuki Rito from High School Class... uhh, well, actually, I don't know what class they'll assign me to now, but—"

Negi blinked. "Oh, pleased to meet you, Yuuki-san. However, not to be rude, but I happen to have a meeting right now with—"

"S-Saotome Haruna-san's mother?" the boy meeped.

"Yes. How did you—" Negi started.

"Actually, Haruna-san... told me to come here," the boy fidgeted while blushing deeply.

"Why?" the teacher asked.

"Ah... You see, I... I don't know for sure," he admitted. "But I think it's because she wants me to meet her mother, too..."

"And why would that be?" Negi wondered innocently.

"B-B-Because we... we kinda are..."

"RIIIIIITO-KUUUUUN!" Haruna sprang in from the outside, latching onto the teen's back with a loud, manic giggle. "Oh, so you came after all! I'm so happy!"

"Gah-Gah-Good morning, Haruna-chan!" Rito puked the words out, too overcome by the feeling of her large breasts rubbing up and down his back.

Negi stared on blankly. "Saotome-san?"

"Hey, Negi-kun!" she lifted a hand up. "Sorry to keep you waiting! Mom wouldn't find a cab cheap enough for her, so it took her a while to get here!"

"Taxis around here are far too expensive, I believe. I'd rather walk, that's good for your health," a shapely and attractive woman in her mid to late thirties huffed softly, walking into sight with perfect elegance and aplomb, wearing an old fashioned, discret dark blue kimono, plus wooden sandals and white socks. Her hair was short and dark brown, rather curly in a way that framed her fair, slightly round face quite nicely. She looked at the boy sitting before of a pile of books behind the desk and bowed to him formally. "So very pleased to meet you, Springfield-sensei. I'm Saotome Nodoka. Haruna's mother."

"Mom!" Haruna grabbed Rito by the shoulders, almost pushing him into her mother. "This is Yuuki Rito-kun, my **first** boyfriend!"

"B-Boyfriend?-!" Negi's eyes widened behind his glasses.

"Huh-Huh-Hello!" Rito held up a stiff hand, barely registering anything but the fact Haruna seemed to have inherited her bust size from her mother. "Ch-Cha-Charmed to meet you, Ma'am!"

The woman looked up and down at him in a strangely composed way, then told her daughter, "He seems normal."

 _Somewhere Hito Nami cried "Don't call me normal!" then blinked when she realized no one was to say she was normal. "ARGH! I do something_ _ **really**_ _abnormal for once and no one is around to notice! I'm in despair! My normalcy has left me in despair!"_

"Of course he is!" Haruna protested.

"You're too young to—" Negi began, but his voice trailed off when he remembered maybe he was not in the best position to talk.

Mrs. Saotome apparently paid him no attention, choosing to ask the older boy instead a polite but blunt, "How much do you know about my daughter, young man?"

"Well, we've just started... dating, but—"

"Has she told you about her 'Yamada-san' plan?" the woman asked.

"Y-Yes!"

"About her... bilateral inclinations?"

"First thing she told me about," he gulped.

"How typical of her," the mother sighed. "Her plans for world conquest?"

"She... She has appointed me 'Future Regent of the Netherlands, Emperor of New Zealand, First Consort Prince of the Crown, and Secretary of Global Gardening'!" the young man blurted out.

Nodoka hummed thoughtfully, then shot her daughter a chiding glare. "I was promised the Netherlands."

"I'll give you Belgium and Belarus instead!" Haruna offered.

"Not enough to compensate for the disappointment of a broken promise, I'm afraid."

"Fine! You win, I'll give you both Koreas too! I know you've always wanted them!"

"Those conditions are acceptable. Not that I expect you to ever deliver on your delusions, Haruna-chan, but it's still the principle of the given word." Nodoka-san smirked affably before returning to a somewhat less surrealist venue of conversation. "Regardless, what is your CURRENT financial status, Yuuki-kun? We expect for our daughter's suitors to be able to satisfy her monetary needs… among other things"

Rito opened his mouth.

Haruna beat him to the punch. "His father is a superstar mangaka, and his mother is a top fashion designer!"

Nodoka blinked in mild awe at that revelation. Briefly, the faint sound of a cash register at work was heard coming out of her head. And then she smiled slowly, rubbing Rito's shoulders in a not-too-motherly way. "That is quite the interesting background, indeed. Tell me, are your interests only aimed at girls slightly under your own age?"

"MOM!" Haruna protested.

"What? I only was joking!"

"Yeah, sure. I know you..." her daughter scoffed.

"Well, he IS kinda cute, and your father isn't exactly the most reliable of suppliers..." Nodoka shrugged, and Rito's face took the shape of a distressed abstract portrait. Negi just sat there, once again lost as hell. You'd have thought he was part-Hibiki.

Haruna crossed her arms. "If you want to go there... you know you'll have to go all the way..."

Nodoka sighed and shook her head. "I've told you... I cannot possibly ever partake in such deviancies, sorry."

"I'd throw... let's say Italy into your share, too."

"I'm your mother."

"And Ranma's as well! Your point?"

Nodoka blushed intensely. "Th-That's different! And an unfair accusation, as well! Not only... you've clearly misunderstood things between us, but it's hardly my fault Ranma's got such a manly appeal to surpass any other male's..."

At that point, Rito had just melted down and tried to ooze for the door. Negi's instincts had told him to block everything out for the sake of his own sanity, and started to check the schedule of the next few parents' arrivals instead.

A few more unheard negotiations later, Mrs. Saotome sat down in front of him with a small smile. "So sorry for keeping you waiting!"

"Huh? Oh, don't worry," he said, putting the papers aside. "So very pleased to meet you, ma'm."

"Likewise. Please forgive my foolish husband's absence. My daughter-in-law was kidnapped by a foreign prince week and a half ago, and he, our son, and some... friends... are tracking them down to an island in the South Pacific."

"Good to know she hasn't lost her touch yet," Haruna mused from where she sat fanning Rito back to consciousness.

"I... understand..." Negi forced himself to nod.

"You do?" Mrs. Saotome questioned.

"No. Not really," he had to admit with shame.

"Don't worry. No one ever does," the woman kindly petted his head. "You know, you're even cuter than Yuuki-kun. Haruna-chan, is he in your... ah... range of admired people as well?"

"OF COURSE!" Haruna did her best M. Bison impression.

Negi smiled again. "Well, I'm honored to know you admire me, Haruna-san. All teachers should strive to be admired by their students, but... Ahhhh, Saotome-san, you... can stop stroking my hair now..."

Nabiki half-purred happily. "So, where should I sign to go on that trip with you, too?"

"MOM!" Haruna repeated.

"What? You always are telling me we should spend more... time together! And it IS a free trip, after all!"

No doubt they were related. Yup, no doubt at all…

* * *

After that… rather rocky and shaky start, the talk with Mrs. Saotome turned out fairly smooth. Her main concern seemed to be the Academy covering all the expenses of Haruna's trip, and once that was guaranteed, she had no problems with signing the documents. Then she and her daughter gave him their goodbyes, Haruna surprising him by pecking his forehead before walking out with her mother and a still mostly-paralyzed Rito.

Negi sat alone and flushed, pondering if wiping his forehead off would be decent or rude. He looked into the pocket mirror Nekane had given him after saying a gentleman should always mind his appearance, She had left no lipstick marks there, so he figured there was no actual point in wiping it off. It was nothing but an innocent token of affection, after all, he told himself.

Then someone knocked at the door, and he remembered Rainyday-san's mother was next. He pocketed the mirror and straightened his tie yet again. "C-Come in, if you please!"

A tall, buxom blond woman with narrow, bitter eyes and long wavy hair walked in, saluting him with a mere nod of her head. Negi blinked in confusion. Not exactly the mental image he had about Rainyday-san's mother. For starters, she was dressed all in black, in a way that reminded him of a chauffeur or elite bodyguard. Then there were those strange red facial markings she had...

He opened his mouth to speak, but before the first word could be uttered, the woman opened the door even more, bowing as she made way for someone else to enter. "Hild-sama, Zazie Ojou-sama, it is safe."

"Thank you, Mara-chan," a purring, deeply sexy female voice spoke, its slow and alluring cadence almost inebriating, somehow making Negi to feel uneasy all of a sudden. Very briefly, the back of his neck itched. A lot.

"Good morning, Sensei," Zazie said, walking in quietly, followed by a much taller, much, much more voluptuous woman in a slinky red dress, more befitting a scandalous cocktail party than an Academy for teenagers. Her long hair was white as snow, with bewitching silvery tones. Her skin was as dark as Zazie's, and she had a few facial markings as well, oddly star shaped, but not big enough to be distracting. Probably the fact her chest was so big and her cleavage was so wide was distracting enough by itself to ensure most people didn't even notice the markings for their first several encounters.

Negi fought a blush as he tried to keep looking at the woman's eyes. For some reason, it was hard. Very hard. No dirty pun intended. Well, maybe just a little. "H-How do you do... I mean..."

The impossibly sexy woman smirked sultrily at him.

And then she was right before him, glomping him in a suffocating hug against her round chest, cooing as Zazie sat down with no expression and Marller made a silent, long suffering face. "Ohhhh, so you're Negi-kun! You're so horribly cute...!"

Negi's arms and legs flailed around wildly.

"Mother," Zazie said.

"Aren't you the loveliest little thing ever?" her mother seemed oblivious to her. "No wonder Zazie **talks so much** about you! How old are you, cutie? Nine? Ten? Eleven?"

"Mother, I think he's having problems breathing," Zazie remarked, and Negi nodded as best as he could with his head trapped between those two huge mounds.

"Oh. Sorry." She assumed a dignified stance while putting Negi back down on his seat. The boy panted for air, his eyes almost dropping out of their sockets. "It's a real pleasure to meet you, Sensei. I am Hildegarde Rainyday, but you can call me... Hild. And this is my faithful assistant, Mara-chan."

The blond woman only bowed to Negi, as stiffly as possible.

"Mother is in the business of... engineered social beneficence," Zazie explained calmly.

"Ah?" Negi asked, not very eloquently, but it was understandable considering the fact he had never heard Zazie saying more than three words in a row before.

"Basically, you could say... I make people's wishes and desires into realities," Hild smiled in a rather placid, and yet unnerving, fashion. "For a reasonable price, of course. I'd give you our phone number, but you're still too young for our services. Once you are the legal age, however, rest assured I'll make sure Zazie-chan gets to contact you about it..."

"Th-Thanks..." Negi muttered, not finding anything else to say.

During Negi's brief but rather informative conversation with Mrs. Rainyday, Zazie did not say a single word, as usual, making him wonder if her three lines had been a hallucination bought on by oxygen deprivation. But her mother talked more than enough for both of them; it amazed Negi to see how such a talkative person could be so closely related to someone as secretive as Zazie.

And yet, as he'd only notice after she was gone, for all Hild-san talked and talked, all the information she gave him was very superficial. She'd talk about things like how much Zazie loved circuses, or the time when she took her first steps, but not a single thing about her father, or about the reasons behind her silence. Had they been alone, Negi would have asked on the latter, but he knew it was in bad taste to ask it before his student herself, and in a meeting scheduled for other reasons. He made a mental note to ask Hild-san about it sometime later. All in all, he would enjoy another chat with her. Her company felt oddly... nice.

She once mentioned Zazie having sisters when talking about their first visit to a circus, but the mere mention of the word 'sisters' made Zazie wince for the only time in the whole talk, so her mother simply skipped past it very quickly.

Mara-san stood at the door similarly still and silent the whole time, although the frustrated expression on her face told of very different causes for her silence.

Finally, Hild signed the papers, making a passing joke about how people usually signed contracts _with_ her. Negi didn't understand it very well, but laughed along anyway.

As the three of them walked out, they happened to coincide with Chisame's sister Sora, who was coming in with Takahata and a short, black-haired young man Negi had never seen before. The young man stopped for a moment as soon as he saw Zazie's mother, his attention caught by something other than her physical attributes. Well, by her physical attributes AND something else, in any case.

She smiled at him in a vaguely mysterious, _**almost**_ knowing fashion. "Good morning, young sir. Can I do something for you?"

"Huh? Oh, sorry!" he excused himself quickly. "It's just I felt a weird sense of déjà vu... Forgive me for asking this, but have we met somewhere else before?"

The tall woman put a finger on her lips, thought, then asked with a wry smile, "Would you happen to live in the Nekomi area? Near the Tariki-hoganji temple?"

"Oh, do you mean... that old temple near the hills? Yes! Exactly around there!" He brightened up. "Then we HAVE met!"

Hild laughed good naturedly, even as Marller scowled sourly in the background. "Yes, I remember seeing you... twice or thrice! My eldest daughter used to... live there as well. A long, long time ago..." she reminisced. A very short sigh escaped her lips, and she turned around to walk away. "I'd love to stay and chat, but I'm afraid I'm in a tight schedule. Maybe another time, Dear. Zazie-chan, before I go, why don't you show us that fantastic restaurant you mention so often...?"

The young man watched her go in stupefied silence, and only Sora's brief rasping brought him back to reality. "Ahem."

"Oh? Oh, sorry, everyone. I was trying to remember anything about that daughter of hers. Maybe she was someone I studied with..."

"Sure, Sempai," Sora said with only the slightest hint of jealousy before smiling at Negi. "Hello again, Negi-sensei. It's wonderful to see you again. This is one of my sempais at the Motor Club, Morisato Keiichi-san..."

"Charmed," Negi saluted, the older boy half-bowing, half-nodding back, rather clumsily. "Takamichi?" Negi turned to his colleague. "Shouldn't you be with—"

"Shizuna is handling my interviews for now," Takahata replied with a vague smile. "But I was asked by the Dean to show them their way here. The Parents' Association asked to have a representative in the trip, and since Hasegawa-san is an expert driver, the Dean thought of having her and one of her colleagues as the drivers for the trip's duration..."

"Could you do that, Hasegawa-san?" Negi asked her. "If you're busy with your own studies..."

"It's okay! We finished our final tests for this semester last week," she told him. "And really, anything for Chisame-chan. Like I promised last time I was here, I'm going to be a much better sister from now on!"

Negi's smile widened wonderfully. "That's wonderful! I'm sure she'll be so pleased when she learns about this...!"

 _Elsewhere, while updating her page yet again, Chisame felt an icy shiver running up her spine. Odd; the dress she was wearing wasn't THAT revealing, and there were no open windows in the room…_

" _Tsunetsuki, are you behind me?" she said._

" _Of course," came the reply._

 _Chisame was getting good at kicking people out of the room. A pity she hadn't learned the skill sooner…_

* * *

He was a tall, ancient-seeming man with bone white hair with a distinctive forelock, and a pair of mismatched eyes. Behind him stood a familiar face, wearing a bright pink sun dress and white heels.

"Oh, Mizore-chan!" Negi smiled from behind the desk, pleasantly surprised. "How nice seeing you again, it's been a while!"

Yukihiro Mizore rasped uneasily. "Thank you, that's... very kind from you. Negi-sensei, this is Yukihiro Genjuro, our honorable grandfather. Grandfather, meet Negi Springfield-sensei, Oneesama's new homeroom teacher!"

"Indeed," the old man said, looking long at the boy teacher. "He's just as I imagined him to be, from your descriptions of him." The man contentedly reached over to shake Negi's small hand. "I should have known! Ayaka-chan and Mizore-chan have told me so much about you, Professor!"

Mizore blushed brightly and looked aside with a small frown. "That was all from Oneesama, Grandfather. Are you sure your memory isn't failing you again?"

"It's a honor, Sir!" Negi nodded rapidly. "Ayaka-san is an excellent student, always aiming high in her education! You have fine, great granddaughters, Sir!"

"Yes, I do," the older man, who had all the signs of someone who has lived it all and done it all with style, nodded, with a proud, strange light in the eyes behind the glasses. "She has never failed in making me proud."

Negi decided he really liked him. He felt like the grandfather Negi always wished he could have had, but never could, with the Magus always being so busy, and Stan so abrasive.

No thunder cracked ominously then, but it might have been just because the gods were not looking after their creation at that exact moment.

* * *

Blah blah blah, the cast goes to Kyoto.

Blah blah blah, adorable boy mage is tricked into kissing stubborn Student Council Vicepresident girl and hyperactive martial artist bisexual mangaka who already has a boyfriend girl.

Blah blah blah, shy librarian girl gets magical book with a lot of kooky cards in it.

* * *

 _Kyoto_.

Before Eishun could start talking, one of his servants approached him, a very young looking and short blue-haired boy with a bright and earnest smile. "Konoe-sama, Kouko-sama says she is able to attend after all."

The master of the house nodded. "Of course. Thank you, Hayate-kun. Negi-sensei, everyone," he told the others, "Meet my wife and Konoka's mother, Kouko..." Here he stopped to gasp, then to add, as if slightly uncomfortable, "And our daughter, Konoka's sister Honoka."

Setsuna made a mild double take as, next to her, Yuu-chan lowered her head so much it looked like it wanted to jump off her neck and roll across the floor. Asuna and Twilight Red looked quite intrigued, while Sora nervously checked her clothes again. Natsuki made a tiny scowl, and Chao hummed to herself analytically. Everyone was evenly politely curious, except for Chisame, who was just gawking, open-mouthed, at a single particular of the newcomers into the chambers.

A very beautiful woman who looked like Konoka on age augmenting pills walked in followed by two maids, in a subdued white and gray kimono. Actually, she only looked in her late twenties, definitely much younger than her husband. But while her appearance was so similar to Konoka's, her expression was a different matter: her face was cold and distant, very unlike that of the person who was happily skipping by her side. This was the person Chisame was gawking in confusion at.

If the mother looked an aged up Konoka, the little girl was like a miniature Konoka, or a clone, some sort of incredibly cute Mini-Me with a mischievous skip to her steps that instantly reminded Sakurako, Asuna and Ayaka of Konoka when they first had met her. Although she also wore a formal kimono much like her mother's, she gave a vague impression of being much less comfortable with hers, as she kept on absently tugging on her sleeves while walking, each step almost threatening to trip over only to then gracefully subvert the expectations, small feet in white socks softly patting against the planks of the floor.

As the woman sat down next to her husband, her gaze went over all those gathered before them, and they all could feel an unsaid, but quietly blatant, sensation of disapproval, made especially evident when her eyes locked with those of a miserable but confused looking Setsuna. Still, when she spoke, her bow matched her words in perfect and serene elegant politeness, although still devoid of warmth or fondness. "Good afternoon to all of you. Welcome to the headquarters of the Kansai Magic Association. Negi Springfield?" Her gaze suddenly zeroed in on the boy.

"Negi Springfield!" the little girl chirped, slapping her hands together and staring at Negi with wide starry eyes, before her mother discreetly pulled her down to sit by her side. "Oi, what's wrong, Mommy? Why do you even have to ask, it's obvious that's him, isn't it?"

"Ah, yes, I am! Extremely pleased to meet you both, Kouko-sama, Honoka-san!" Negi bowed deeply. "I just wanted to tell you personally I'm sor—"

"Negi-san, would you happen to bring the letter my Father sent my honorable husband?" the woman asked.

"Oh, oh, yes, of c-course!" He walked forward and respectfully handed Eishun the missive. "From the Eastern Leader, Konoe Konoemon, please accept this message, Eishun-sama!"

"Oooh!" the little girl blinked. "What does it say, what, what?" Then she looked at Chisame, realized her dumbstruck expression, and directly asked her, "What?"

"Oh my God, there's another one," Chisame very quietly said. "Just like with Iinchou..."

Did all millionaires have cloned copies of their heiresses around just in case, or what?

 _Somewhere, Damian Wayne sneezed._

"And accepted it is," Eishun took the missive with another nod, opening the envelope to read its contents. Erebus, Deathnote, Psycho, Valkyrie and Twilight all noticed the letter he had pulled out was quite longer than the one their Konoemon had sent their Eishun, although Setsuna was still too troubled, and Chisame too perplexed, to catch on that detail. The letter had to be unfolded to be read, and for a few moments, there was absolutely no sound as Eishun read, his collected face occasionally cracking the tiniest bit upon hitting some lines. As he finished, he briefly looked in Natsuki's direction, then at Negi and Chisame, at Ayaka, and at Asuna, before finally speaking after gathering his breath, pocketing the letter into the wide folds of his sleeves.

"Thank you for this priceless service, Negi-sensei. However, there are even more pressing matters to discuss now," the Elder said.

"Which ones of you were with our daughter when she was taken?" Konoeko asked, her tone still basically the same.

"Taken?" Honoka wrinkled her tiny nose. "You mean she's finally going to marry one of those icky old guys? That means I won't have to do it later, right?"

"Honoka," her mother stiffly told her. "Your sister has been kidnapped, that is what I mean. Now, I assume I won't have to repeat my question..."

Hakase raised a hand, and after a moment of hesitation, so did Yuu. At this, Konoeko directed an even more disapproving, almost hostile look at Setsuna, but the Magical Girl was too depressed to notice.

"Kidnapped?" Honoka was muttering to herself in childlike confusion. "But, wasn't Setsuna-han supposed to-"

"Then please, tell us what happened," the woman asked this time.

"W-Well, you will see, Kouko-sama…" Yuu began in a timid voice, "It started when we…"

* * *

"So you let Onee-sama be kidnapped," Honoka pouted, folding her arms cutely and staring at Negi, who flinched deeply under her Uber Cute Stare of Disapproval. "And after she trusted you so much, too! She wouldn't stop talking in her e-mails and Facebook about you, and of course about-"

Here she paused, looked back over her shoulder, and frowned a little as she glanced at the quickly retreating heads of Yuu and Setsuna, which had been peeking around the room's door. "Can't you just come here and sit down with us instead of doing that? Honestly, you two are starting to worry me..."

"We are not worthy!" both Setsunas said at once, and Honoka sighed, rubbing her forehead.

"Asuna-han," she asked her sister's roommate, "are they always like this?"

"No, they've actually improved a lot. Well, Setsuna-san has, at least. I don't know too much about Yuu-semp-sorry-chan's, past to say for sure yet in her case," Asuna shrugged her shoulders.

Chisame gasped hard. "You know her too?! Just like with Iinchou's?!"

"Yeah, what's so fantastic about that?" asked Asuna. "We're Facebook friends, even if we hadn't ever met in person before this. Really, Chisame, I thought you were computer literate, to be outdone by a Baka..."

Chisame hissed in frustration. "It's not about being computer literate or not, it's just... who ever knew Konoe had a sister, for Pete's sake?!"

"I did!" said Ayaka, Makie, Sakurako, Misa, Nodoka and Misora said all at once, and so would have Haruna, had she not been in another room with Psycho Purple and Valkyrie Black at the time for Keiichi's questioning.

"Really, Chisame," Asuna said, "it's not our fault if you've never bothered to know about about us or our families. I bet you didn't even know I don't have one, for starters..."

"How could I know that, you, you..." Chisame began to mutter angrily, then to melt into a weary sigh. "Forget it, it's not worth the effort. So, um, Honoka-san, right? Why do you know about magic, but your older sister doesn't? That doesn't make a lot of sense to me."

"Oh, that," Honoka said. "Well, while it looks like I don't have half the magical potential Onee-sama has, the rest of the Directive Council of the Association thought we needed a heiress who actually could, you know, take care of magical stuff in the future. Since my power is smaller and doesn't lend itself to abuse as much as Onee-sama's, they chose to tell me."

"How did your father let that to happen?" Roberta asked. "From what I've gathered, he's been quite adamant about keeping Konoka-sama in the dark..."

"Yeah, that's why the Directive Council told me behind his back," Honoka matter-of-factly said. "Daddy was very upset, but the Council can do that with enough votes, you know. But don't get the wrong idea!" she proudly said, with a hand on her flat chest. "I may be no Onee-sama, but I'm very strong too!"

"S-Seriously? How much?" Negi blinked.

Honoka narrowed her eyes at him. "Are you doubting my word, Negi-sensei? For shame, for shame, insulting a lady in her own home..."

"I, I wasn't trying to insult you, sorry!" he said, blushing and waving his hands before him. "I only wanted to see, well, how impressive the power of the Kansai Association must be!"

"Ho ho ho, a flatterer too, how shameless..." Honoka playfully said, with two fingers on her tiny smug smirk, and Chisame decided she liked this little sister less than Iinchou's. From Ayaka's frown, she seemed to think likewise, too. "Well, I'd take you outside to show you, but right now Mom will have guards all around the house, so..."

"And," Ayaka tensely asked, "why can't you give us a sample in here, Honoka-chan?"

"Because I like this room and don't want to see it destroyed," Honoka said, "and because Onee-sama likes you, and she wouldn't want to see you destroyed by my incredible power, either. That's why, Iinchou-han."

"Uwaaaaa..." an already impressed Negi said, while Chisame, Misa and Ayaka failed to be that impressed themselves. No wonder this kid was just all mouth...

Erebus was nodding, however. "Yes, you wouldn't wan to burn down another building, would you. Even though the last time was totally not your fault."

Honoka blinked at him. "How do you know about that?" she said in surprise.

 _In another universe, Harry Dresden sneezed._

* * *

Blah blah blah, Loli techno goddess of the future girl shows up to save her long sister, kisses motor maniac downtrodded college boy as part of ellaborate gambit, is kissed by gun toting Baka super gymnast girl as well. Loli techno goddess of the future girl doesn't really like gun toting Baka super gymnast girl all that much.

Blah blah blah, adorable boy mage kisses gorgeous blond rich heiress girl, spunky and father-obsessed basketball player girl, freckled and bespectacled nervous college girl, kidnapped unknowing White Mage girl and obsessed super swordsmaster girl to defeat magical renegade kidnapper woman with unexplored tragic past and her giant badass demon, just like you would.

Blah blah blah, magical renegade kidnapper woman with unexplored tragic past and her giant badass demon are defeated.

Blah blah blah, older and stronger doppelgangers from an alternate and better written dimension go back home.

* * *

 _Tokyo.  
_  
She kept her hands together before the fire as she muttered the words with feverish urgency, her eyes closed. She was completely alone in the penthouse, standing in the middle of her small private shrine, the place where she practiced the arts her grandfather had secretly taught her, and more. Father would never understand or approve, but she felt it was something she had to do.

The wound in her forearm still ached, even as thin lines of dripping blood slowly flowed into the fire, offering the last thing needed for the ritual's completion. The young woman finished the invocation, and then the whole room exploded into a maelstrom of light, blowing the fire out in a second, even as the astrological sign of Mars briefly appeared in the middle of the dying flames.

The girl's heart jumped. She had done it. Her excitement only grew as she saw the human figure materializing before her where the fire had been moments before. It was short in stature, perhaps even slightly shorter than Rei herself, but body size often mattered little in the making of myths and legends. She paid no attention to the smoking hole in her roof; all of her attention was fixed on the shape she could now recognize as that of a woman, standing straight under the pale moonlight that shone through the roof's hole.

And then Hino Rei's resolve briefly faltered, suddenly attacked by confusion and uncertainty.

For before her stood no imposing, impossibly beautiful armed female warrior, but a dutiful looking girl with glasses and light short hair, which fell in bangs that hid most of her cute rather than gorgeous pale face. She wore a simply gray ensemble fitting the lowly intern of a large corporation, complete with a long skirt, a long open jacket over her blouse, and ugly black shoes.

Her voice was softer and quieter than what one would expect from a larger than life heroine as she finally spoke. "I-I am called Shielder. Please tell me, you who stand before me; would you happen to be my Master?"

"Yes," the shorter female answered after a short pause, her large violet eyes squinting under the accentuating curves of her slim eyebrows. "I have purposefully summoned you in this dark hour, to help me accomplish my goals and hold the Holy Grail in my hands. I'm Hino Rei. What is your true name?"

And she humbly bowed to Rei. "I'm sorry. I'm not sure this information will be useful at all for you, Master. My birth name is Mashu Kyrielight, but if you wish so, you can just call me Shielder from now on and to the end of this Holy Grail War."

"You don't carry a shield," Hino dubiously replied, before kicking herself inside. It obviously had to be her Noble Phantasm summon, although that still wouldn't explain why she couldn't recognize that name. This Servant obviously had to be lying...

"Actually, Master, I do," Shielder grimly, but still softly, said, as she brought her hands ahead together, and then another incredibly intense burst of overwhelming light briefly blinded Rei again...

When Rei could look at Shielder again, while the girl's physical appearance remained the same, her attire had changed greatly. Her glasses were gone, and so were her baggy, unremarkable clothes, replaced by a form hugging black ensemble of body armor that actually showed off a lot of her curvaceous, surprisingly well-stacked physique, complete with tall boots. Oddly depressing for Rei, she now could see her Servant was actually far bustier than she was herself.

In her hand she now held a gigantic thick shield that looked like someone had taken a massive dark table apart and started carrying it around for protection. It was easily bigger than either young woman, and almost touched Rei's ceiling. That in itself was no shock, as most Servants were alleged to be superhumanly strong regardless of size.

"Well," Rei softly said, trying to keep her cool composure, "I am now fully convinced."

The Servant nodded sparsely. "That's good to hear, Master." Then she looked around for signs of anyone else. "Tell me, Master, is your lack of company a temporary matter, or should I expect company briefly?"

"I live alone here. Mother died long ago, and Father spends most of his time overseas," Rei began to explain. "He has many influences, so I have permission for that. However, shortly, we will be moving to Mahora, where the War will take place in this cycle according to the signs."

"Mahora Academy?" the Shielder asked in a short breath, as if recognizing the name.

"Do you know it?"

"Only by name. It was an... important site of supernatural activity in my time, but I never heard of it ever hosting a Grail War. Fuyuki City—"

"Fuyuki City is no more, don't concern yourself too much about it," Rei said, unsure of what to do next. The books weren't exactly clear on what to do between the summoning and the battles. And Western magecraft wasn't exactly her forte. "So, um, I took the liberty of preparing a bedroom for you. You must be tired, after all that effort to manifest yourself into this world..."

"Thanks, but I'm not tired, and even if I were, I would only need to rest in an incorporeal state."

"Right. Well, hungry, then? I'm not a great cook, but I have some leftovers from dinner..."

"I don't have need for physical meals anymore, but thank you for your hospitality either way, Master," the short haired girl bowed her head deeply. From her manners, it was clear she was well used to bowing to others. That was slightly stranger coming from someone supposed to hold great power but not exactly untold either, Rei thought.

"Oh, it's nothing..." the teenager said. "W-Well, do you prefer fish, or chicken...?"

* * *

Blah blah blah, badass old demon who destroyed adorable boy mage's hometown shows up to wreck shit up and kidnap lots of naked girls.

Blah blah blah, adorable boy mage kisses dark skinned taciturn Loli nun girl and serious cheerleader with crush on God girl to kick the ass of badass old demon who destroyed adorable boy mage's hometown, just like you would.

Blah blah blah, badass old demon who destroyed adorable boy mage's hometown gets his ass kicked.

Blah blah blah, bubbly Idiot Savant uber hot princess from outer space girl kisses boyfriend of hyperactive martial artist bisexual mangaka girl.

* * *

The man was truly gigantic, a mass of grotesque muscle wielding a massive slab of rock that was to the sword what the rock is to the bullet. It was easily twice as big as Illya herself. Chisame guessed that had to be her Servant, although he did not look at all like the Dark Knight Kuro had spoken about while mentioning her 'sister's' Servant. Still, he definitely gave a matching sense of threat and undiluted power, and even the often stupidly brave Negi could not blame Emiya-san for freezing in place where he stood, one of his hands tightly wrapped around one of Saber's wrists.

While Tohsaka cursed under her breath and swiftly shook some gems out of her sleeves, expertly rolling them between her fingers, the blond woman simply stood defiantly in an expert stance and as if holding some manner of invisible or imaginary weapon between her hands. With a mere shrug, she had allowed the long coat drop off herself, momentarily revealing to be a pair of skimpy shorts, a nigh-microscopic top, very high stockings and some shoes before there was a blaze of light, and when she was visible again she wore a long regal blue dress with armored plates all over it, plus heavy, thick gloves of matching armor.

Chisame was instantly jealous at how modest and lacking in nudity her transformation sequence was.

It hardly looked like the most comfortable outfit to fight in, Negi dimly thought before his full attention returned to Illyasviel, who had shifted around so she sat cross legged on a shoulder of the giant.

"Illya-san," the younger boy said. "Why are you here? It can't be to hurt me, since otherwise you'd have done it the first time we met..."

"Do you know her?" Saber coolly asked him, her eyes still fixed on the titan who fumed at her like a mad bull waiting to be released.

Negi had to nod slowly. "Not too much, but yes... We have crossed paths once before. And her Servants looks… vaguely familiar for some reason. But—"

"That's not all, I also happened to meet your little girlfriend back at London," Illya mischievously said, eyes narrowing and smirk growing. "Spirited young lady, I actually liked her a lot! Better make sure she won't ever become your grieving widow!"

"Girlfriend?" Ayaka coldly asked, her hand briefly stopping in the task of pulling her Pactio card out. _**"Widow?!"**_

"Anya?" Negi gasped, his hand reaching for his staff without even fully realizing it. "You... You didn't do anything to Anya, did you?"

"Why is she the first girl to come to your mind when someone talks about your girlfriend?" Misora asked pointedly.

"How many other people does he know who lives at London, dumbass?" Chisame sizzled at her. "Seriously, do you think this really is the moment to be thinking of that crap?!"

"I said I liked her, didn't I?" the tiny albino asked back, smirk dissolving. "As for you, I won't make such promises just yet. First I have to see if you're indeed a worthy brother of mine. I can tell, however, someone else isn't."

"Wow," Makie blinked. "So that's your little sis, Negi-kun? I like her, she's cute! The added edge only makes her cuter! So we've found one of the sisters your dad was talking about…"

"She is n—" Negi began, then bit his tongue as it clearly was unwise to provoke the obvious prodigy Magus with a Servant at her beck and call. "Illya-san, please listen, let's be reasonable here, I'm not sure what have you heard about us, but—"

Illya's gaze drifted towards Shirou, who was coming back to himself enough as to now try and pull Saber back with himself, and completely fail at doing so. "Although," the small girl added, completely ignoring Negi now, "I wasn't expecting for this boy to be able to summon a Servant himself, and of the Saber class, no less. I see Father might have been able to teach him something after all. Well," she said, leaping down to land on her booted feet on the sidewalk, scaring Misa further, and then pulling the edges of the skirt up a bit, enough as to properly accompany her subtle bowing in a cutesy curtsy, "now we'll see exactly how much! Berserker! Kill that ugly Servant!"

Then there was a roar, not unlike that of a huge beast from long gone eras, something that might have haunted the nightmares of the first men and women in a young world, something that chilled Negi, Keiichi, Rito and Shirou to their very cores, and made Madoka, Misora, Sora and Ai shriek while covering their ears. Itoshiki yawned and drew out his ruler.

And then, in a blink, before any of them could truly react past the primal dread or awe that roar elicited from them, the massive titan was charging at them with incredible speed, so fast as a matter of fact only one of them could react to it. That was Saber, who similarly charged forward, leaving Emiya's hand suddenly holding nothing but air, and ducking under the first mace swing of the colossus, striking with her invisible or imaginary (Negi dearly hoped for the former) weapon at the muscular midsection of the Berserker.

And Negi could literally feel the shockwaves of the clash making the ground rattle under his feet. He hadn't seen such display of power since Kyoto; even the mountain of a man known only as Walter who had fought Kotaro recently seemed to be nothing compared to the raw aura of power literally emanating from this behemoth, who didn't even flinch at the obviously also very powerful direct attack Saber had directed at his granitic body.

Instead of expressing any pain or being set back at all, the Berserker simply swatted Saber aside like a fly, sending her crashing against a wall. "SABER!" Shirou cried, trying to rush for her, before Negi, still mostly reacting instinctively, held him from behind, pulling him back before the taller young man could advance.

"Oh crap!" Rin backed away further on agile legs, readying her magic and commanding Avenger in a whisper to hold himself back just yet. She suspected his apparition in the middle of this particular situation could only cause more chaos and worsen things, rather than actually helping any. She could hear his faint growl of frustration, but he obviously didn't dare disobey her yet, since one moment later the puff of purple smoke still failed to manifest itself.

Negi steeled himself, breathing as deeply as he could. He could feel the nervous gazes of his team, all on him, as they tensely waited for his reaction, their cue of what to do. Well, all but Lala-san, who only stared in wide eyed fascination at Berserker's display of raw power, no doubt scheming to end up studying him under a microscope eventually. And maybe even literally to boot.

So. That was what leadership truly felt like. He wasn't all too sure he liked that feeling just yet. It was very different, despite the surface similarities, to what he felt in his comfortable role as a teacher.

For all he knew, he would be very outmatched here, in this conflict between legendary heroes whose recognition dwarfed even that of his father. In fact, he was practically sure of it. As for his team, they didn't have Setsuna, Asuna and Haruka, their strongest hitters, or Konoka, their healer, and they were too far to be summoned, not that he wanted to endanger them as well in the first place anyway.

Still, he couldn't just stand back and simply let that happen as he did nothing but watching.

 _"Rastel Ma Scir Magister..."_ he began to softly chant under his breath...

 _"Bure bure bure bure..."_ Itoshiki joined him, since after all he could recognize a golden chance to die whenever he saw it.

* * *

Blah blah blah, hero wannabe ginger boy kisses super mega hyper powerful King Arthur girl to win War between all of mankind's greatest heroes and villains and gain control over cursed cup overflowing with all of world's evils, just like you would.

And that's where our story starts now.

* * *

 **To be Continued**.


	2. Dramatis Personae

We didn't create, don't own and don't profit from any of the characters listed here or their respective franchises.

Got it?!

* * *

 **Life's a Festival**.

 **By OverMaster and Shadow Crystal Mage**.

* * *

 **Dramatis Personae**.

* * *

 **Negi T. Springfield:** A ten year-old prodigy graduate from Wales' Merdiana Academy. Negi is a mage in training, assigned by a magic diploma to serve a stint as a teacher in Japan's Mahora Academy. Now the homeroom and English teacher of Junior High Class 3-A (Girl's School Side), Negi has gotten himself embroiled in several conflicts that have, more often than not, demanded for him to establish Provisional Alliances or 'Pactios', with his students, something he's still morally troubled by.

Negi is a studious, yet naive young gentleman who knows a disturbing amount of foreign swear words, but hides a frustrated, overbearing side of himself and is obsessively focused on finding his long father Nagi, a feared mage best known as 'the Thousand Master'. For some reason, he's never wondered whether a mother might have been part of it at some point.

 **Hasegawa Chisame:** Negi's first roommate and Pactio partner at Mahora. Chisame is no-nonsense, stern and gruffly motherly teenager who hates getting herself tangled into Negi's magical pursuits, yet won't allow him to embark on them on his own either. Chisame also hides a side of herself known only by Negi, Satomi, Chamo the ermine, Misora and Cocone; secretly she is the ultra popular, peppy and sexy Internet idol known only as 'Chiu'.

Chisame is a master hacker and computer guru whose idea of a good time is locking herself in her room to work at her webpage while Negi sits nearby. Much to her distress , she's almost as popular with boys and girls alike as Negi is, despite popularity sort of being the point of idols, and she even has her own dedicated stalker, Tsunetsuki Matoi.

 **Kasuga Misora:** Negi's second Pactio partner. An orphan who was left on the doorstep of Mahora's Mary Magdalene Church, where she was raised as an apprentice in the ways of the Magical Nun. Misora is an adorable coward and slacker who regardless has fallen in love with Negi hard enough she'll always try her best for him, even if she's scared out of her wits.

Her Alliance with Negi grants her a set of super-speed shoes that make her capable of incredible feats of velocity, mostly used for running away. Misora is deeply convinced of the existence of the Judeochristian God, although she's willing to conveniently forget the parts of Catholicism that imply falling in love with your ten year-old teacher is on the sinful side.

 **Hakase Satomi:** Negi's third Pactio partner, and his and Chisame's roommate. Satomi is a brilliant but scatter brained scientific genius mostly specializing in robotics and aerodynamic vehicular design, with some amateur sex toy construction on the side. She's the co-creator of lovable robot girl Karakuri Chachamaru along with Chao Linghsen, and she treats Chachamaru as her spoiled daughter.

Satomi has a strong physical and sentimental attraction towards both Chisame and Negi, but she has settled in a tentative romantic liaison with Shiina Sakurako regardless. She and Matoi dislike each other, thinking of themselves as rivals for Chisame's attentions. Satomi's Pactio gives her a set of mechanic arms that infuse her with super strength, making her an effective short range grappler and brawler.

 **Kakizaki Misa:** Negi's fourth Pactio partner. A wordly, fashionable girl usually only worried about money and boys with good looks until she started caring about Negi and began taking things more seriously. She still retains a 'party girl' personality, and is ferociously competitive with Ayaka, Misora, Haruka and Chisame in their competition for Negi's attentions.

Misa is a cheerleader and an excellent singer, and is seen by the Mahora student body as one of the most desired girls in campus, granting her the social status of a widely admired Queen Bee. However, within Negi's Ala Alba, she doesn't get a lot of respect. Misa's Pactio consists of a set of throwing light needles, able of piercing through nearly everything. Those needles, upon impacting a living being, have the effect of lightening up their spirits, inducing nearly mindless glee, most often conveyed through uncontrollable laughter. Misa's father is a show business enterpriser knowledgeable about the world of magic.

 **Kaguraka Asuna:** Negi's fifth Pactio partner. Like Misora, Asuna is an orphan with a mysterious past. She was all but adopted by professor Takamichi T. Takahata, on whom she's held a precocious crush ever since her childhood. Asuna is strong and athletic, a loyal friend and a never-say-die type, but she's academically incompetent and often oblivious to facts, although she still has lots of basic common sense and a down to earth personality. She claims to hate children and only tolerates Negi, but since she's one of the few Ministra not in love with him, he knows he can resort to her as an impartial confidant and big sister figure.

Asuna is Konoka's roommate and best friend, and a bitter childhood rival with Ayaka. She likes older, masculine gentlemen over younger and more delicate boys. Already gifted with an enigmatic endurance against magic, her Pactio grants her with a massive spell-cancelling paper fan that can be changed into a just as gigantic sword she swings around with no apparent effort.

 **Shiina Sakurako:** Negi's sixth Pactio partner, and Satomi's official girlfriend. Her dream is marrying Satomi and having children with her, with Negi being the sperm donor and possible partner on the side. She's a happy go lucky girl with eclectic tastes and an incredible luck, making her virtually unbeatable at any sort of gambling and games of chance. She's best friends with fellow cheerleaders Misa and Madoka.

Sakurako's Pactio Artifact is a set of cheerleading pom-poms that, through waving and matching chanting, can alter probabilities around herself, making her a valuable boon to her allies on the battlefield. Her older cousin is a famous literary author, but also a savant with crippling learning disabilities in everyday routines. Sakurako also owns three female cats, Felicia, Yoruichi and Blair.

 **Suzushiro Haruka:** Negi's seventh Pactio partner. The Vice President of Mahora's Student Council, in constant odds with the more popular and beloved President Fujino Shizuru. Haruka is a strong minded, often stubborn young woman who will always says whatever is on her mind at the time, regardless of whether or not she can pronounce it, or if it's actually the right word. The daughter of a heartless mogul, she grew to hate him, and she has an unyielding, black and white sense of morality and duty. Her demanding traits make her disliked and feared by most students, but she's fiercely loyal to those she considers her friends and will never abandon her post.

Already a self-trained strong woman before her Pactio, through it she channels inhuman amounts of raw power, making her the physically strongest of all Ministra, with only Madoka approaching her level. In that state she can also attack using a titanic spiked mace. Her childhood friend Yukino was recently lost in Mundus Magicus, and Haruka has sworn she'll find her. After kissing Negi accidentally, she insists they are engaged in marriage so he can clear her maidenly honor.

 **Saotome Haruna:** Negi's eighth Pactio partner. A young woman filled with love towards all those around her, but she only knows how to express it through ways that make everyone believe she's a pervert. She's also a pervert. She grew up in a large home filled with all sorts of sincere but strange love, marking her outlook on life forever. Her father, a devoted martial artist, trained her as a fighter during a time he thought he could make a quick profit out of her, hoping she'd be more manageable than her rebellious older brother, but Haruna would rather be a sequential artist with a keen eye for erotic design, and an accomplished librarian and book lover.

A girl with a modern heart, deeply devoted to her boyfriend Rito but also willing to engage in sensuous pursuits with those she regards as her comrades for life. Haruna's Pactio gives her a drawing set that can make her creations come to life magically, allowing her for a wide variety of attack and defense functions. However, any damage her creations get will also impact negatively upon herself.

 **Yukihiro Ayaka:** Negi's ninth Pactio partner. The class representative of Class 3-A and Makie's roommate. Ayaka is, much like Haruka, dutiful and mindful of authority, but tends to implement her power in subtler, less imposing ways, making her a woman of the people despite her aristocratic origins. Her only enemies are Misa, her rival in love, and mostly Asuna, whom she's been clashing with since Asuna's arrival at Mahora years ago. Despite her quirks of occasional gullibility, Ayaka is a respected leader both in the campus and within Ala Alba, as long as her strange tensions with Asuna and her over the top affections towards Negi aren't getting the best of her.

Her mother is a Mundus Magicus battle mage who married a Japanese businessman, and Ayaka has a natural affinity for magic which might even approach Negi's if she trained it hard enough. As it is, she stands happy to remain one of his lieutenants. Ayaka is a skilled equestrian and outstanding student, well read and cultured. She loves roses and refined things. Her Pactio consists of a powerful whip, although it is less versatile than other weapons at Ala Alba's avail.

 **Akashi Yuuna:** Negi's tenth Pactio partner. Her father is Professor Akashi Wataru, the Master of Caster in the Holy Grail War. Yuuna and her father love each other dearly, growing mutually dependent after the death of Yuuna's mother Yuuka, who was Wataru's Ministra. Like her mother, Yuuna has a Pactio Artifact consisting of a set of handguns shooting magic canceling knockout projectiles.

She's a sharp tongued young woman who is well aware of her sexuality, is not above teasing others with it, and lost her virginity in a lesbian tryst with a parallel world version of a friend of hers. Despite that, she won't commit herself to actual relationships easily, and claims she needs to find someone who is as reliable as her father. She's actually in cahoots with Skuld and Chao behind the backs of the rest of Ala Alba, thinking it's in everyone's best interests to reveal magic to the world at large. Yuuna is a bit of a neat freak and hates sloppy behavior, something she'll sometimes rant at Makie about.

 **Hasegawa Sora:** Negi's eleventh Pactio partner. A mousy, mild mannered and shy college student, and Chisame's older sister. She's never had a boyfriend, and used to pine hopelessly after a sophisticated playboy who never even noticed her. Sora is painfully insecure of herself, claiming to be a failure at everything but mechanics, where she's as accomplished as Keiichi. What hurts her the most is thinking of herself of a failure as a big sister, exasperating Chisame, who can't help walking all over her without even trying.

Sora is even smaller than her teenaged sister, with little in the way of breasts, a freckled face, and terrible cooking skills. Her Pactio Artifact is a wondrous vehicle she can drive through land, air or water and unleash a myriad of different attack types upon her foes, but she's too much of a pacifist to make an effective use of it. Used to be a student of Nekomi Tech Institute until she moved to Mahora along Keiichi, so she could help Chisame and Negi.

 **Konoe Konoka:** Negi's twelfth Pactio partner. The older granddaughter of Mahora's Headmaster Konoe Konoemon, daughter of his daughter Kouko (often nicknamed 'Konoeko') and Nagi's old friend swordsman Eishun, adopted into the Konoe clan. Neither of them knows it, but she and Yuuna are cousins since Eishun and Wataru are brothers separated since their earliest childhood. She also has a half-sister, renegade young biker and brooding delinquent Kuga Natsuki, daughter of Eishun and shady researcher Kuga Saeko, who disappeared years ago. Natsuki is protective of Konoka from a distance, but Konoka has no idea she's her sister.

Konoka is a cheerful, optimistic girl deeply in love with her 'bodyguard' Setsuna, but is not above teasing others, Setsuna included, for her own entertainment. She hides an overwhelming magical potential that could greatly surpass Negi's given enough training. Her Pactio grants her a set of ceremonial fans that greatly boost her already impressive healing magic, making her Ala Alba's default White Mage.

 **Sakurazaki Setsuna** : Negi's thirteenth Pactio partner. Setsuna's mother was a member of the crow demon tribe from the Japanese hillside, a race of ancient creatures in slow decline due to mankind's ravages upon nature. Her father is David Cain, globetrotter killer for hire and also father to Lady Shiva's spawn Cassandra and Tsukuyomi, the daughter of a wayward Aoyama. Tsukuyomi and Setsuna were adopted by the Konoes, but a psychotic fit of young Tsukuyomi upon Konoka made both sisters fall into disgrace in Kouko's eyes, something Konoka has never fully forgiven her mother for.

Setsuna devotes her life to Konoka's service almost obsessively, thinking herself to be unfit of her company as an equal, no matter what Konoka says on the contrary. Setsuna is a prodigy of the sword, gifted with superhuman skill and speed, which she puts to good use as an unofficial guardian of Mahora's borders. Being half-crow demon, she also has wings that can be deployed to allow her flight, although she hates doing so out of a sense of shame and self disgust. Negi's alliance granted upon her a magical sword that increases her fighting efficiency even further. She is currently training Asuna in the ways of the blade, and she's developed a good friendship with her.

 **Cocone Fatima Rosa:** Negi's fourteenth Pactio partner. She's Misora's roommate, fellow nun in training, and best friend. Her appearance is that of a little girl, but she might actually be older due to coming from a mysterious race of Mundus Magicus inhabitants. Exactly how old is she, nobody but she knows. She's a girl of scarce, measured words, quiet and responsible, hard working and always looking after Misora. Misora ignores it altogether, but Cocone is in love with her, something everybody else, even Negi, is well aware of.

Cocone is a good student and has several good friends in her Elementary class. She hates wearing shoes and goes without them at any given chance. Through her Pactio with Negi, she has access to a small cross that allows her to summon devastating divine lightning from the sky that might not actually be magical in origin.

 **Kugimiya Madoka** : Negi's fifteenth Pactio partner. Another cheerleader, Misa and Sakurako's friend and roommate. Madoka is a common sense individual who can easily grow exasperated over her friends' extreme quirks. She has a complex over her slightly husky voice, which she thinks to be masculine and ugly. She has romantic feelings for Kyon-sempai from the S.O.S. Brigade club, moving her to serve the Brigade and their deranged leader-president-dictator Suzumiya Haruhi for a few months.

Currently, she's Haruhi's mole in Ala Alba, something everybody in Ala Alba is aware of because Haruhi told them herself. Madoka's Pactio with Negi allows her access to a huge mallet and superhuman strenght surpassed, within the ranks of the Ministra, only by Haruka's. The Pactio also puts her in a skimpy battle bikini, which mortifies her to no end.

 **Itoshiki Nozomu:** Negi's colleague, homeroom and Social Studies teacher to High School Class 3-F, 3-A's sworn rivals. He's far better than Negi at hiding his secret status as a dark mage, and out of all of his students, only Ai, Matoi, and the carefree Ooda Kanako are aware of it. Itoshiki is a morbidly depressed man with a worrying obsession towards his own destruction, but a curse/blessing placed upon him from birth by his father prevents him from ever dying from anything but old age. Much to his regret, he's still a young man. During his childhood, along Takahata, he was a tagalong kid to Nagi's Ala Rubra team, where he fell in unrequited puppy love with Negi's mother, Princess Arika. Due to this, he holds some level of paternal love towards Negi and considers himself honorbound to protect him to the best of his abilities, despite him having no faith at all in said abilities.

Itoshiki has abysmal self-esteem and makes a drama out of everything, thanks to his pessimistic, self-defeating attitude. Despite everything, often it seems like his repeated and useless suicide attempts are more of a way to call attention upon himself than a genuine desire to end his own existence. He can control darkness by using a wooden ruler as his magical catalyst. His relationship with Takahata is a strange one; Itoshiki seems him as a rival of sorts despite thinking himself hopelessly inferior, but Takahata only thinks of Nozomu as a good, even if patience trying, friend. His family is very powerful both magically and economically, and his younger sister Rin studies at England's Clock Tower, pretty much like another talented snarking girl named Rin.

 **Kaga Ai:** Itoshiki's Pactio partner, who learned his secret accidentally through Negi and Itoshiki's conflict with vampire witch Evangeline A.K. Mc Dowell. Ai is an extremely nervous girl who will blame herself over anything and everything. She was born in a small ninja village hidden in the mountains and actually has ninja training, but she's never brought it up because she thinks she's bad at it, because she's afraid of hurting others badly, and because the original canon hadn't revealed she was a ninja when she was first written into this story.

Ai loves her teacher very dearly and, like most of 3-F, finds the fact anyone, much less the rest of the school, could be in love with Negi perplexing, although she won't say it aloud. She's decided she'll aim to become Nozomu's wife after she's graduated. Her Pactio with him allows her to use a magical umbrella she can control water with, generally in the form of massive water blasts or bubble shields.

 **Skuld:** The Norse goddess of the future, who joined Negi's class as Student Number Thirty Two after helping them defeat Amagasaki Chigusa during their trip to Kyoto. Skuld has a hidden agenda to free her sister Belldandy, kept a prisoner by humans in Mundus Magicus, and part of her grand plan involves allying herself with Chao Lingshen to reveal magic to the world behind Negi's back. While on Earth, Skuld assumes the pretend family name Jottunsdottir. Skuld has little magical powers herself, but she's an expert on mechanical engineering and programming. She can easily create devices challenging human understanding out of mere household junk, and if given access to the Yggrdasil Net, from which she's cut off at the time, she could perform genuine feats of massive reality warping, although those tend to be forbidden by her superiors.

Skuld has the appearance of a cute thirteen year old girl, but she's actually, like her sisters, older than mankind itself. She loves ice cream, and she's Yuuna's new roommate, driving her crazy through her habits of piling mechanical pieces and half-built artifacts all over their apartment.

 **Morisato Keiichi:** Skuld's first Pactio partner, and in a prior life, soul mate to Belldandy. Back then Skuld hated him for stealing her sister's attentions away from her, but now she'd rather prefer for him to remember her. Sora's sempai at the Nekomi Motor Club, where he fell in unrequited love with campus diva Mishima Sayoko. Morisato is short for his age (and unlikely to grow any beyond this point) and rather unlucky, but he's reliable and has the most laid back, easygoing and reasonable overall attitude of all the boys in Ala Alba.

He's a master racer, and his Pactio reflects that, allowing him to drive literally anything, even normally immobile objects, he can attach his steering Wheel Artifact onto. He can drive those objects as well as he'd handle a motorcycle or automobile afterwards. He has a set of loving parents he's very attached to, making him a rarity in Ala Alba, mostly made up of people who were orphaned or distanced from their families (save Haruna and Makie and, to a lesser degree, Ayaka). He's also got a little sister, so he can bond with Rito over being the foolish big brother to the smarter Imouto.

 **Sasaki Makie:** Skuld's second Pactio partner. Makie actually stole a kiss and Pactio from Skuld when she thought she'd need an Artifact of her own to survive through the Kyoto crisis. She thinks Negi is the cutest thing ever, but she might be falling in love with Skuld and/or Keiichi lately, instead. Even though Skuld treats her harshly and with little patience, Makie is very devoted and admiring of her and her cuteness. Makie is friendly and open, but also terribly dense and hates studying. Her thought patterns are often strange, to say the least, and she follows her own kind of twisted logics.

Makie is an expert gymnast, and her Pactio consists of a set of gymnastic tools she can use to deceivingly strong effect in a fight. However, her actual talent relies on firearms, much to everyone's surprise, and her skill at shooting greatly surpasses Yuuna's with a surprising depth of pragmatic ruthlessness to match. She was taught about guns by her 'mother' Homura Akemi, a loving but cold woman with a mysterious past who moved in with Makie's biological mother after the Sasakis' divorce. Makie still gets to see her father (and the little brother left in his custody) often, and they love each other very much, too.

 **Lala Satalin Deviluke:** The firstborn princess of the galactic empire of Deviluke. The Devilukes are a warrior race descended from the demons of Venus; while normally only a mage could provide the Magister Magi for an Alliance, enough of Lala's lineage was kept pure for her to retain enough demon blood as to make it work. Lala is a friendly and approachable young lady, but her upbringing has left her with a curious lack of concern or regret for all those her father's conquests have massacred across hundreds of planets. If asked, she'd just tell you those were sad but necessary losses in the search for a peaceful and unified galaxy and then ask you if you want to play. She's pure hearted enough, in her own way, to be the only person cosmic tyrant Frieza has any degree of genuine fondness for, as they were childhood playmates and would occasionally blow cities up together. In her mind, if you're her friend, she'll always protect you no matter what.

Lala loves Rito, Ayase Yue and, to a lesser but still very meaningful level, Haruna, and she thinks of them all as her spouses. She has no nudity taboo and will usually prefer walking around in the bare until she's told otherwise. She's a technological genius to rival Satomi and Skuld, and a powerful hand to hand combatant to boot. Has two younger sisters, twins to each other; the mischievous and seductive Momo and the fiery, self-assured Nana. They're currently on their way to visit her on Earth.

 **Yuuki Rito:** Lala's fiance and Pactio partner. He's been in love with Haruna for years, and much to his shock, she agreed to be his girlfriend after finding the love letter he'd written to her and would most likely never deliver personally or otherwise. Afterwards, he unwillingly became Lala's husband-to-be when he grabbed her tail. He's been looking after his little sister Mikan since their parents pretty much abandoned them in Mahora, although eventually the wiser and calmer Mikan pretty much ended up the surrogate mother to him and their troubled cousin Nao.

Rito's a bundle of hyperactive nerves and tends to overreact about everything. He's bad to mediocre at most things he tries, but he has a skilled hand for carny tricks, an undeniable competence in football, and an impressive mastery in gardening, which he also loves. Fittingly, his Pactio with Lala presented him with a magical watering can that can make any plant grow supernaturally, and he even can use them to attack others or defending himself. His clumsy habits to often trip and fall on girls and accidentally glomp them have made most students derogatorily call him 'the Perverted Beast', although he only has eyes for Haruna. He's mildly jealous of Haruna's affection towards Negi, and insecure of Haruna's intimately physical relationship with Lala.

 **Emiya Shirou:** The adopted son of Kiritsugu Emiya, the Magus Killer, occasional partner of Nagi Springfield after the dissolving of Ala Rubra. Originally born in the doomed city of Fuyuki, when it burned in the last day of the Fourth Holy Grail War, Shirou was rescued by Kiritsugu and raised in Mahora. Shirou grew up admiring his father and when he died, Shirou decided to become a Hero of Great Justice himself, no matter the cost. However, Shirou's magical capacities are mediocre at best and abysmal at worst; his only known talents lie with reinforcing and projection, and he could only become a Magister to Saber because of their previously existing link as Master and Servant.

He's a good sword fighter trained by his sensei Fujimura Taiga, however, and he's also an accomplished archer. Shirou's somewhat dense and bull-headed, slightly out of touch with his peers and endowed with a set of values more befitting the previous generation; regardless, his heart's always in the right place, he greatly values sll life besides his own over all things, he's loyal to a fault, and he'll go out of his way to help others no matter what. He's also a great cook and he's hung like a horse.

 **Saber (Artoria Pendragon):** Shirou's Servant and Pactio partner. The youngest daughter of Uter, King of the Britons, after her father's death she was raised as a boy, a humble, downtrodden squire in Sir Ector's castle. Found and taught by Merlin, the greatest mage of his era, Artoria became King of her homeland after drawing out Caliburn, the sword in the stone. Her kingdom, full of wonder and prosperity, came into decay, and then ended ignominiously under a rebellion headed by her son Mordred. Who was just as much of a man as she was. Summoned back into the world, first in the Fourth War by Kiritsugu and then in the Fifth by Shirou, Saber fights on to ask for a wish to save her country even at the cost of her own life.

Even while diminished through Shirou's shortcomings as a Master, Saber's power as a swordmaster is all but peerless, and she most likely could defeat the rest of those listed here, all banded together, all on her own. Shirou's lack of proficiency as a conventional magus means their Pactio hasn't given her a specific Artifact, but has blessed her with easier access to her Noble Phantasms and an increased set of stats. Saber is serious, reserved, a tactical genius and capable both as a leader and a follower. Her main character flaw is her willingness to endure everything by herself tends to alienate and distance those around her, often making her unrelatable to others. If Shirou's hung like a horse, she eats like one.

 **Tatsumiya Mana:** The daughter of a half-Japanese, half-Puerto Rican explorer and adventurer and a demon queen, Mana was abused during childhood by her one hundred and eight half-sisters (you thought you had it bad, Meduseless? Cinderella?) and escaped her mother's home by walking out the door one day while her hundred and eight siblings were fighting over who got her dessert, earning a life for herself as a young mercenary and Ministra Magi to an expert magical assassin who took her under his care. Said magical assassin was not Emiya Kiritsugu, thanks for asking. After her Magister Magi's death, Mana was invited by Konoe Konoemon to finish her studies at Mahora Academy, where she would take her rightful place as the keeper for the Tatsumiya Shrine and a troubleshooter for the staff.

Mana is extremely strong, agile and capable, a frighteningly fast and accurate markswoman, and the foremost campus expert on the handling of all sorts of firearms, seconded only by Sasaki Makie. Her half-demon nature makes her mildly vulnerable to the same holy enchantments she can use to dispel demons, but also gives her enhanced supernatural senses and an enhanced state where her hair turns white and her full demonic side is unleashed, making her twice as deadly. Overall she's polite and considerate but cold and distant, keeping an oddly acerbic relationship with her trainee and protegee, Munakata Shiho. She also loves money and has developed an one sided rivalry of sorts with classmate Nagase Kaede.

 **Professor Jonathan Crane:** Born to a father who abandoned him under the care of a sadistic maternal grandmother in the southern rural area of Gotham City, Crane was brutally abused during his childhood, both by his grandmother and later by classmates and neighborhood children alike, who cruelly made fun of his lanky, scrawny figure, dubbing him a 'scarecrow'. Growing obsessed with the study of the psychology of fear, Crane earned a doctorate in Psychiatry, but was fired from his teaching position at Gotham University after his attempts to spread his radical doctrine of fear endangered his students.

Crane donned a straw-filled tattered costume, named himself 'The Scarecrow', and started a new career as a killer for hire using his self-created fear toxins, but was promptly stopped by the costumed vigilante only known as The Batman. Crane and Batman would clash repeatedly over the next few years, usually ending with Crane's capture and confinement in the Arkham Asylum for the Criminally Insane and Horribly Disfigured. Recently, however, Crane escaped Arkham with The Joker and traveled overseas to forge a new identity for himself as Alan Rance, psychology teacher at Mahora College. Whether this was a genuine attempt to move to a peaceful new life or a role as a spy and mole for the dark forces who orchestrated Joker's escape remains a mystery.

 **Hirano Kouta:** The only son of a military contractor, chubby, eager Hirano is a young otaku fascinated with all things related to guns and ammo, rivaled only by fellow geek Aida Kensuke in the whole of the Mahora Campus. He's even got limited experience training with the actual usage of firearms during a vacation to America, and seems to hold decent given abilities on the subject. Makie is still better than him though, but since he is currently unaware of that fact his self-esteem is reasonably intact.

There's not much to say about Hirano otherwise. He's easily excitable, easy to discourage and depress but even quicker on the draw when it comes to lifting his spirits up and keeping an optimistic face before complete disaster. In a way he's like an overgrown, overweight child in a teenager's body, and his immaturity often can and will get on people's nerves despite his good intentions. Has been voted 'Most Likely To Move To Gotham City and Become A Supervillain', which proves that cliches aren't everything.

 **Katsuragi Misato:** The only daughter (although she has an older brother, father of problem child and God of Conquest Katsuragi Keima) of a respected member of the Japanese Defense Forces, Misato was stationed with her father at an Antarctic SHIELD Base when goddess Belldandy fell to Earth, unwittingly triggering the world shattering event known as the Second Impact. Losing her father and drifting across the sea in an escape pod along with a young Phil Coulson and several cute penguins they eventually had to eat for food, the child underwent a complete psychological breakdown that made her nearly catatonic for several years. After recovering, she enrolled at Mahora for her higher education, but suffered another blow when her attempt to contact her father's soul through association with an amateur magical cabal made her a part of the grotesque Bible Black incident.

Her traumatic memories of the affair almost but not quite wiped away by the Headmaster, Misato went through college with Akagi Ritsuko, the future Sailor Pluto, and graduated to a job in a government security agency that tasked her with overseeing Mahora's scientific developments for the army. There she fell in love and started living with Shikinami Kyoko Zeppelin, now acting as a surrogate mother of sorts for the begrudging Asuka. She has a serious drinking problem spurred on by her childhood and youth traumas and the fact that, well, she's stationed in Mahora.

 **Soryu Kyoko Zeppelin:** One of the heads of the Mahora Research Wing, and a respected if eccentric scientific genius. Mother to Asuka, with whom she holds a curious love and hate relationship; Kyoko's moods are so random she'll often alternate back and forth from extremely loving and protective to neutral and distant to downright abusive and cruel, often with little rhyme or reason, especially when off her medication. Misato's presence in her life seems to have tempered her of late, however, and overall now she is fairly caring and supporting of Asuka.

Kyoko has strong shut-in tendencies and has been known to experience serious lapses of logic like believing dolls are alive. This is actually fairly common standard behavior for Mahora scientists, who tend to see Hakase Satomi as an enviable pinnacle of sanity and stability to imitate, and Chachamaru as the project they really wished they'd agreed to do.

 **Soryu Asuka Langley:** Daughter of Kyoko and an ever busy half-Japanese, half-American businessman working for Searrs Enterprises, who eventually had enough of Kyoto's shit and jumped ship. She's actually far more appreciative of her father and stepmother than of her mother, and regrets not being able to see them and her half-sister more often. Asuka is an abrasive young genius, quick-tempered and sarcastic, only holding a softer side for dear friend Hikari, who she is totally not gay for no matter what people think she got from her mother, of course not, and anyway Hikari-chan doesn't swing that way, SHUT UP! Although not on the same level as Hakase or Chao Lingshen, she's a skilled mechanical inventor and developer, with her sights on the field of gigantic mechanics.

Asuka likes older men of a rough, dangerous or mysterious disposition, and in this she and Kagurazaka Asuna might be kindred spirits if they ever got to really know each other. She is fairly adept at close combat thanks to her self-defense lessons from her all-but-stepmother, one of their few points of closeness. While she will act irritated by perverts, she isn't shy of showing her figure off when she believes it will achieve her something she wants. She's one of the few girls in the school who dislike Negi Springfield, and just can't understand what others see in him.

 **Horaki Hikari:** Second in normalcy only to Hitou Nami of Class 3-F, Horaki is the class representative of Asuka's class and her best friend and confidante. She is an unremarkable, sweet but strict freckled girl well-versed in homemaking thanks to years of looking after a widowed father and three less responsible sisters.

Hikari likes a boy named Suzuhara Touji, whom Asuka despises, and the despise is mutual. She's also a minor Negi fangirl, prompting Asuka to often quip that Hikari has good tastes at everything but men. She totally does not have a thing with Asuka. They're just friends. Why do people keep wiggling their eyebrows when they say that?

 **Kitagi Saya:** Suzushiro Haruka's roommate, although there's no actual sense of friendship between them. They mostly act neutral towards each other and have never fought violently, although Saya secretly finds many of Haruka's ways highly irritating. Her parents, much like Haruka's, are members of the right-wing Japanese political elite, but unlike Haruka, Saya gets along very well with her parents and loves them dearly, a feeling that is mutual… again, unlike Haruka's case.

Saya has glasses, a buxom figure, and long pink hair made in thick twintails. While nowhere as book smart as Asuka, she's no intellectual slouch either, and she's no doubt one of the most pragmatic and street-smart members of this bunch. However, her bad temper will sometimes cloud her better judgment.

 **Yasutora 'Chad' Sado:** Hailing from a Mexican family that emigrated to Japan and intertwined with the locals, Chad used to be a troublemaker during his childhood, using his massive size and strength to bully and abuse other children. However, his dear late grandfather taught him a philosophy of non-violence he's stuck with through his teenage years. How his grandfather taught him this philosophy is unknown, since Chad tends to freeze in place and stare at the wall when asked about this, but it was remarkably effective, and surely had nothing to do with how the mysterious vigilante who captured criminals at night and marked them with a 'Z' disappeared the same month that Chad's grandfather died.

Chad is a man of few, short words and can often spend long periods unnoticed by those around him, despite of his hulking body. He's taken a loving, protective nature of small animals and children (no, not THAT way, you sickos), and he's part of an unofficial club of cat lovers with Karakuri Chachamaru, Tsukamoto Yakumo, and Sakaki from Yukari-sensei's class. He might also be in unspoken love with Chachamaru. But then, so might Yakumo and Sakaki. It's the way she handles cats. It's just so sexy.

 **Tokiha Mai:** A busty, orange haired, hard working student who has been traveling from school to school across Japan with sickly brother Takumi ever since their parents died. Before settling at Mahora, they studied at Ohtori Academy, where Mai got herself embroiled in the affairs of the local Student Council to gain control over Himemiya Anthy, the so-called 'Rose Bride', a mysterious girl with vague enigmatic powers. Mai can, through her duels with the Council and Anthy's suitors, channel a strange ability called the Power of Dios, briefly turning her into an almost unbeatable fencer, but this power seems to come and go at its own will and is not consistently reliable. Fortunately, the skills she learned from fellow school to school traveler, occasional classmate and pen pal Matoi Ryuko was much more reliable.

Mai herself is reliable and loyal, and has sworn to looking after, not only Takumi, but Anthy herself and Mikoto by now. She's an expert, sublime cook and holds a part time job at the Mahora branch of the Radish Café franchise.

 **Tokiha Takumi:** Mai's long ill, weak kid brother. His body suffers from an unexplained weakening condition that grows worse with age, but he refuses to be a load and tries to be as independent as possible. In a lot of ways, his character is very similar to his sister's, but his body is far more limited than Mai's has ever been.

Takumi holds an unspoken physical attraction for Mai that greatly shames him, something Mai is completely unaware of. He stays determined to hold it a secret for as long as he lives, but it's almost a given Anthy's figured it out by now somehow, since as Mai's 'wife' she insists on doing the laundry, and all those sticky panties add up…

 **Minagi Mikoto:** Not to be confused with the local, slightly infamous 'Railgun' of similar birth name, Mikoto's an odd, feral child Mai, Anthy, Takumi and Anthy's Archer Servant met during their initial boat trip to Mahora. She claims to be looking for her long lost big brother, and while her family is being located, she sticks by Mai's side, having quickly developed a strong sense of affinity for her. Mikoto can be very possessive of Mai and will often dislike it when others try to approach her, only tolerating Takumi's proximity out of deference towards Mai. She and Anthy seem to hold a mutual but mostly unsaid sense of distrust and suspicion. She worships Archer as a demigod of food.

Mikoto is incredibly fast and brutally strong for someone so small, and she can swing a gigantic black sword she calls 'Miroku' with extreme ease, often using only one hand. She's an efficient, highly skilled swordswoman, but in everyday matters she shows a surprising lack of common sense and intelligence, even for someone as young as she. She also eats like a damn horse. Archer is fond of her because of this.

 **Boo Welker:** A mysterious figure and foreign teacher shrouded in myth and legend, simultaneously feared and loved (in a totally platonic, non-Negi-sensei way) by his students at Mahora. Respected by all, strict but fair and a really good listener, Boo-sensei still has his detractors who one and all perversely accuse him of cowardice and on many occasions attempt to assault and strip him in public. Despite this, he has continued to live with poise and dignity, paying no heed to the random people who accuse him of being a giant chicken.

It is believed Boo-sensei once studied under Chuck Norris' tutelage. In any event, we will wisely restrain ourselves from speculating more on his background.

 **Tomoe Mami:** The young niece to Professor Tomoe, head of the Mahora Science Research, University Division, and cousin to Tomoe Hotaru. Her parents were killed in the same car accident that claimed Izumi Ako's parents, and since Mami's parents were officially declared the party at fault in the accident, Ako's held a vague grudge against her ever since.

Mami is a polite, kind-hearted young woman who loves collecting tea sets and expensive replicas of old weaponry. A refined, popular sempai to most of the female student body, and desired by many boys, girls and small intelligent mammals, she still has problems making actual friends short of social outcast Sakura Kyoko and kouhai Miki Sayaka, thanks to an entirely random chance encounter. For some reason, perhaps related to her accident, she has an instinctive, acute fear of horrible physical damage befalling her head and neck area.

 **Asakura Kazumi** : One of 3-A's most feared students, the 'paparazzo of Mahora', able to unearth anyone's worst, most shameful secrets and reveal them, even though she's mostly unwilling to resort to blackmail and claims to act in the interest of seeing truth divulged. She still draws the line when disclosure will cause more harm than good to undeserving parties.

A member of the Mahora Newspaper Club, she's an expert photographer and can sense spirits, even though she cannot see them yet. This is a quality inherited from her late grandparents, who once were serious candidates to the title of Shaman King and Queen. She learned of Negi-sensei's magical secret during the class trip to Kyoto, along most of the cast in this darn thing, and was afterward forcefully convinced by Chisame to keep quiet on the subject. Kazumi is currently conspiring with Chao Lingshen to reveal the existence of magic to the mundane world. Is allergic to honey.

 **Murakami Natsumi** : The daughter of an American amateur crime solver and a Japanese businessman, Natsumi actually belongs to one of the least wealthy (read: middle class) families in Class 3-A, and so it doesn't help her self-esteem she has had to room with Yukihiro Ayaka and Naba Chizuru. In addition to that, Natsumi's extremely self-conscious about her freckles, small stature, modest build and unglamorous hair, making coexistence with two of the most attractive girls in the classroom even more difficult for her. She is also completely straight and harbors no attraction to the female form whatsoever in a class of physically affectionate people, her roommates included, completing her personal little depression spiral.

Natsumi is a master actress, and whenever she is on a stage most if not all of her insecurities vanish away. She's well known to lose herself in her roles at times. She holds a strong attraction towards Negi, one Chizuru tries her best to push for, but she remains convinced she has no chances with him at all whatsoever.

* * *

 **To be Continued**.


	3. Act One

Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha created and own _Mahou Sensei Negima!_ despite consistently showing they have no fucking idea what to do with it.

Not that I'm much better, but still.

Any resemblance between the events, locations and characters of this story and any events, locations or individuals from real life is nothing but a mere, incredible coincidence.

* * *

 **Life's a Festival.**

 **By OverMaster and Shadow Crystal Mage**.

* * *

 **Act One: Invitations to Disaster**.

* * *

 _Friday. Seven Days before the Mahora Festival:_

"I'm sure you're all wondering why I called you guys here," Morisato Keiichi said, sitting at the head of the table. It was nice, having a place of his own now, without the Sempai calling the shots and constantly bossing him around. In that, he had no complains about living and studying at Mahora whatsoever, even if old habits died hard and he still instantly woke up as unnaturally early every morning as he had when Ootaki and Tamiya had conditioned him to run early drills and exercise routines at the Nekomi Tech Motor Club.

Still, all in all, it was great finally having a place where he was free to be the one calling the shots. Even if, judging by the expressions of the other men gathered around the table, that still didn't mean his house guests had any respect for him all that much.

"Oh, no, Sempai, what gave you that impression?" Yuuki Rito finally asked, and Keiichi was reminded that, when not dealing with women, the normally doormat-ish and pliable young fella was quite blase and not particularly impressed by his fellow males. "I'm sure we're all perfectly okay with just sitting around after you called us here, just looking at your face, right, everyone?"

Emiya Shirou, who was far more mindful of the proper respect between men, especially the respect due to older people like Sempais, frowned at the shorter orange-haired fellow. "Yuuki-san, that was mean. Even if Morisato-sempai asked a dumb question, that doesn't give us the right to snark at him in his house."

Oh great, now freaking Emiya of all people was saying his question had been dumb. And Itoshiki was nodding, even as he hung his rope from the ceiling and—

"Sensei," Keiichi grumbled, gesturing at the pale teacher standing on his ladder at the other end of the room, "would you mind at least waiting until we're done with this discussion to hang yourself? It's kinda important, really."

"I apologize. I should have killed myself before coming here, so I wouldn't waste your time and stall your meeting at all," Itoshiki Nozomu humbly said as he came down the ladder's top, even if he clearly seemed to be having a tough time letting go of his rope. He took his chair between Shirou and Rito and asked Keiichi, with Scary Shiny Glasses, "Well then, Morisato-san?"

"Yeah," Rito nodded, "if it's something so relevant, why aren't we including Negi-sensei and Evangeline-san in this discussion?"

"And the girls," Emiya gently said.

Rito frowned. "W-Well, yeah, but the girls are still just... well, girls, you can't deny they, Haruna-chan and Saber-san aside, still aren't mature enough to—"

Keiichi sighed, shaking his head. "I'd rather have this to be a matter to be settled just between us men."

The other four frowned to diverging degrees, but all of them were obviously intrigued by his serious, even grim, tone. "Please elaborate," Itoshiki directly demanded.

Keiichi breathed very deeply, attempting to achieve a perfect communion with his inner peace, to establish a flawless state of mind for the challenge ahead, to settle himself in the adequate zone of mental conditioning to tackle the issue at hand, to—

"We're waiiiiitiiiiiing!" Rito impatiently said, tapping his fingers on the table. Wow, Yuuki was a real ass away from his women, wasn't he?

And Keiichi just grunted. "You know, for all we worry about Negi-sensei's... well, state of mind..."

"We do?" Shirou blinked. "Why should we? He looks perfectly well-balanced and absolutely healthy to me!"

Keiichi tried his best to navigate around this first unavoidable hurdle in the conversation. "I mean, as much as we worry about his self-destructive tendencies, unrealistic Hero Fixation, and his inability to escape his father's shadow..."

Shirou hummed thoughtfully. "Well, you've known him longer than I have, so I'll take your word for it, but I don't see any of that in him, personally. He seems to be a perfectly normal, well-adjusted young lad."

Keiichi rubbed two fingers on his own forehead. "As much as we may often think the kid's doesn't have all of his marbles all that well put together, I think we all respect his foresight and wisdom, don't we? Negi-sensei, well he's got this 'Always Be Prepared' mindset that I believe all of us should learn a few things about..."

"I'm always ready for any contingency, myself," Itoshiki declared, holding up the suitcase with his complete Suicide Kit.

"I don't mean that!" Keiichi snapped. "Look, I'll go straight to the point, okay?! I think we must be ready to start answering to Sensei's difficult questions already!"

"Oh," Itoshiki quietly said. "You mean questions such as those he asks when Saotome-san teases him..."

"Or when Eva-san makes lewd comments and innuendo or just puts on her usual clothes around him..." Rito also understood.

"Or whenever Kakizaki-san starts flirting at him and goes pass the line..." Keiichi added.

"To be fair," Shirou scratched his nose, "a lot of those comments are very cryptic. Heck, I don't get like half of those, myself!"

Rito, Keiichi and Itoshiki all stared quietly at him.

"What?" Shirou asked innocently.

"Anyway," Itoshiki looked back at Keiichi, "we already do that all the time, Morisato-san! I fail to see your point!"

"We only tell him 'Ask Takahata-sensei' or 'Don't think about it'!" Keiichi protested.

"Um, and isn't that enough?" asked Rito.

"Well, he keeps asking the same questions afterwards, so it's clear something along the line isn't working!" Keiichi argued.

"Then that's Takamichi's problem, not ours," Itoshiki said uneasily, looking aside.

Keiichi blinked. "But, but, we're his comrades as well!"

Itoshiki, still looking aside, shrugged. "Takamichi is Nagi's closest still living companion, and he had frequent contact with Negi-sensei and his cousin during their childhoods. That sort of responsibility falls upon him by default."

"Well," Rito mumbled, "even so, you're also Takahata-sensei's colleague, so why don't you just go to him and ask him? Seriously, I don't see what Emiya-san and I have to do with this. Especially Emiya-san, who clearly has no idea..."

"Hey!" an offended Shirou protested, although without voicing his offense any further since he wasn't too clear on what he was supposed to be offended about. But he knew he should be offended, on that much he was clear.

Morisato allowed himself a slight mocking smirk at Rito. "And you have much more of 'an idea', Perverted Beast-kun?"

Rito huffed, cheeks slightly red. "You may act all wiseass about it, but you don't trip on women as often as I do without learning a few things!"

"I'm hit by cars all the time, but just because I know every way to commit suicide with one that doesn't make me a mechanic," Itoshiki pointed out.

"No, no, that's okay, Itoshiki-sensei," Keiichi said, standing up and placing a hand on Rito's shoulder. "I'm glad we've found the expert on women among us, then!"He went on to pat Rito's shoulder twice. "Until the situation with Takahata-sensei is cleared up, you're our default go-to guy when Negi has a question about women and sex, Rito-san!"

 _ **"EEEEEEEEP?!-?!"**_ Rito cried.

Keiichi smiled widely. Was this how Tamiya and Ootaki had felt _all the time_? Damn, no wonder they acted like that, then! That shit had felt just wonderful!

* * *

 _Meanwhile:_

"There's something we must ask from you," Shiina Sakurako said very seriously. She was well aware she was starting this conversation in what had to be one of the worst possible ways. All the girls knew it, actually. That was why the duty of telling Negi-kun had befallen upon her, since if anyone could pull it off regardless of how unlikely it was, that was her.

Sakurako was a good soldier. She accepted her orders without any protests.

Any review committee after a War Crime will tell you that's a bad idea.

"Then ask, please," Negi smiled gently at her, which only made it all that much more difficult.

However, Sakurako could hear the distinct, ragged breathing of her friends gathered in the next room of the old Aisaka manor, and she knew they would pounce on her ready to dish out punishment if she failed in her mission. So she mustered her courage, smiled sweetly at Negi, and told him, "You know we're going to dress up to host the haunted house, right? I mean, it's pointless having one if we aren't going to costume up for the occasion."

"Naturally," Negi nodded. "Um, I'm sorry if I haven't been able to help with that, but what with the Grail War and all, I've been so busy recently—"

"Oh, no, don't worry, we're perfectly aware of that, Negi-kun!" the cheerleader told him. "We understand you've been under a lot of pressure... which is why we took the liberty of choosing your costume for you!"

"Ah," Negi said. "Ah!" he realized then. "Ah?" he finished.

Sakurako took a breath in. "Well, you're the Club's sponsor, after all, and people will suspect something's wrong if you never show up around to help with the hosting. Besides, you're just so cute you'll make an excellent tool— I mean, promotional tool! With you here, we'll sell tickets like crazy!"

Negi pouted. "When you put it that way, I can't possibly reject it, but I warn you, I'm probably going to be fairly busy, so I can't guarantee—"

"Oh, just a couple hours a day will be okay!" Sakurako waved his concern off. "We'll charge extra then, and it'll be an even bigger promo hook. People like limited editions better than regular ones, that's human nature and an alway relevant sales market strategy! In that case, please try on your costume now, Misa-chan sewed it herself just for you..."

"She did?" Negi blushed slightly as he accepted the tightly bound package Sakurako was giving him. "Wow, that's... so nice of her, I'll have to reward her somehow..."

Sakurako grinned impishly. "That can be arranged! Agenda!"

"Ag— Um, okay, you win," Negi sighed, pulling his personal notebook out and having it quickly snatched by a giggling Sakurako, who quickly located Negi's Mahorafest schedule and scribbled something on one of the free gaps there. Then she handed it back to him and he gasped at what she had written there. _"Are you serious?!"_

"Totally! I never joke about my friends' love life!" she said with a hand on her heart. "You don't have any plans for those hours, right? So what's the problem?"

He frowned, looking at the pages again. "No, I don't have any problem with it myself, but I think the organizers of the pageant might..."

"Nonsense, the Miss and Mr. Mahorafest contest accepts entries from all ages," Sakurako told him. "After all, deep inside, all Japanese men are Lolicon and all Japanese women are Shotacon!"

"There's Asuna-san," Negi pointed out.

"She doesn't count, I bet you she's actually a foreigner," she replied. "Anyway, between your boyish charm and Misa's stunning beauty, I'm sure you'll sweep the contest!" she raised her voice to hide the faint lecherous chuckles from Misa in the next room. "But enough of that now, please try the costume on! The costume! It's a bonafide Japanese legend, one of our country's biggest icons, and you should be proud of wearing it...!"

"Is this... a tail?" Negi doubted, closely examining the package and growing concerned. "Because it sure looks like a furry tail to me..."

* * *

"What are you doing here?" Yukihiro Ayaka, wearing one of her beautiful casual white dresses and sandals, frowned at the annoying runt she had just met at the doors of the Aisaka Manor.

"Oh, it's Negi's aunt!" Kotaro casually greeted her, with a slight wave of a hand. "How's it hanging?"

"You'd do better to mind your language around ladies or I'll tell your mother!" Ayaka angrily threatened before lifting her nose haughtily, tossing her hair back. "I've been fine, thanks for asking. Now, as for my question, which I believe was asked first..."

Kotaro held up a large bag from which wafted a pleasant smell. "Wataru-sensei wanted me to bring this to Yuuna the Kid. Pancakes, I think."

Ayaka hummed. "So he's still trying to rebuild bridges with Akashi-san, isn't he. Well, he's persistent if nothing else. I hope you haven't helped yourself to any along the way?"

Kotaro scowled, with a hand on his heart. "I'm a man of honor, not a thief! If I promised I'd bring 'em all here, you bet I brought 'em all untouched! Besides, as if I wanted to eat anything cooked by a lonely widower or whoever he's got as a hidden lover by the side!"

"Very well, I believe you," Ayaka nodded, deciding not to call Kotaro out on his treatment of Akashi-sensei's likely secret mistress. In her mind, such people barely counted as actual people to respect (she was a rich desirable man's daughter and had seen her mother suffering after several of her husband's indiscreetions, after all). She walked past him and rang the door, since Hakase had recently fixed the house's electrical systems working in tandem with Skuld and Lala. Miraculously, the house hadn't blown up, caught fire, or had a horrible accident that gave someone superpowers yet. "Just remember, don't start any fights with Negi-sensei while here. If you destroy any of our Haunted House, we will make you pay dearly."

Kotaro grunted, looking aside. "I'd rather fight outdoors anyway." Then the door was opened from the inside by the last person Ayaka had expected to see there.

"Natsumi-san?" the heiress blinked. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, good afternoon, Iinchou," her former roommate nodded respectfully at her. "Um, well, you see, Misa-san called me over so I could assist Negi-kun with his performance for the Festival..."

"Which performance?" a confused Ayaka asked before coughing uneasily. "Ahem. Well, before anything else, please allow me to introduce you to Inugami Kotaro-kun..."

The freckled, shorter girl blinked at Kotaro. "Oh! You're the boy who's staying over with the 3-F sempais, aren't you?" she said, making this sound both like a condemnation and a death sentence.

He nodded. "I'm Abiru-nee's cousin, yeah," he said, giving the cover story he had made up for himself, even while knowing someone was bound to eventually ask Abiru herself on it. He didn't plan to stay for long anyway.

"Inugami-kun," Ayaka added, "this is Murakami Natsumi, one of my closest friends in 3-A, so please be a gentleman around her. Now, Natsumi-san, what is this about Negi-sensei—"

"He's crying," Kotaro chuckled under his breath. "What a wimp!"

Ayaka growled. "Crying? What do you mean, Negi-sensei isn't the type to c—" Then the cries grew higher enough as for her to actually hear them too, and she paled while Natsumi just sighed miserably and Kotaro broke into laughter.

"NOOOOOOO, LET ME GO, I DON'T WANT TOOOO!" Negi's voice was howling in despair and sounded ever girlier than usual.

Mightily sprinting past Natsumi so fast she made the poor actress to spin in place, Ayaka ran into the mansion with a devastated howl of _**"NEGI-SENSEI, I'LL SAVE YOU!-!-!-!-!-!"**_

Kotaro, taking pity on Natsumi, stopped her spinning easily by placing a hand on her wrist. "Sorry 'bout that," he said, even though he wasn't the one who should have apologized. "You okay?"

"Huh, yeah, thank you," she babbled weakly as she regained her wits on wobbly knees, then blushed slightly as she pulled her hand away from Kotaro's. "Um, that is, I— (sniff, sniff)— are those pancakes? They smell so nice..."

Then an ecstatic, emotional cry was heard in Ayaka's voice, and then the violent sound of a body hitting the floor.

"AAAHHHHH!" Negi was heard shouting. _"I-IINCHOU?!"_

Kotaro looked quizzically at Natsumi.

She only sighed. "For the record, and before I say anything else, I only coached him for his role, that doesn't mean said role was my choice in the first place..."

* * *

Deep under the fabled campus, three teens could not help but gape in awe as a fourth student showed them around a gigantic chamber of silver walls and impossibly high ceilings, that easily dwarfed the group in size. The chamber was several classrooms worth of space, an utterly thrilled Aida Kensuke estimated while eagerly filming the surroundings with his trusty hand camera, his attention quickly going back and forth from one fascinating point equipped with cutting edge technology to the other.

Even Suzuhara Touji, gorilla goon that he was, could not hide his sense of wonder (and confusion) at the site he had adamantly refused to visit a couple hours ago. "Can't believe it, at all," the dark haired young man murmured, while the freckled and slim Horaki Hikari held one of his hands, herself rather rattled out of her wits, and even a bit scared at the implications of what they were seeing. "Dammit, Soryu! How could you and that Chinese chick set up all of this junk just by yourselves?!"

Standing at the lead of the small group, Soryu Asuka Langley smirked petulantly, pushing the Professor Glasses she only needed for show up her nose with an elegantly raised middle finger. "I'd be glad to answer your question, Thug, but I wouldn't want to break your feeble mind. Aida, be warned you'll have to leave the camera here before leaving. You can have it back when the Festival's over."

The scrawny boy with glasses blinked. "Eh? Why's that?"

"Idiot, this is supposed to be a surprise for everybody, that's why!" the redhead briskly snapped at him. "One false step concerning this, and Chao'll have all our heads! But not before I kick your useless asses 'til you're tasting your hemorrhoids!"

"That doesn't even make any-" Touji began murmuring agressively before Hikari silenced him with a discreet elbow to his stomach. The boy was about to demand why she'd done that when his attention was caught by the same thing that had just caught his not-girlfriend's, and their jaws loosened in perfect synchrony. Kensuke's was dancing up and down in place, drool escaping from its corners while he also beheld the pool Asuka had led them towards; a massive square pool filled with a faintly reddish liquid, in which there was a large bipedal machine similar to an elaborate design from some fantastic mecha anime. Its shoulders and sharply angled face were above the surface, the rest of it vaguely visible underneath, submerged under the strong illumination from several lamps set on the ceiling, directly above it. "What the flippin' fuck is that?!"

"Impressive, huh?" Asuka chuckled proudly. "I've gotta admit Chao came up with the design, but I improved a lot on it, naturally. We call it Unit 02, and... _**it's mine!**_ "

"'Mine'?" Hikari weakly asked her friend, her eyes growing larger and rounder by the moment.

"And there's one for each of you too, if you want them," Asuka said, very nonchalantly. "Yeah, even for you, Suzuhara. That's why I brought you guys here. They're wonders of technology, but also so amazingly easy to pilot even a monkey could do it!"

"Really?!" Aida squealed girlishly, his eyes growing full of baby blue stars. "Asuka-san, you're the best!"

"Wait, wait, wait!" Touji gestured wildly, shaking Hikari's now colder and trembling hand off without realizing it had ever been on his in the first place. "You mean these things can move?! And that there's actually more than one of them?! How did you get 'em made anyway? Even if you stole the whole budget from your labs, there's just no way! Even the government couldn't come up with this crap!"

Asuka shrugged. "Chao's loaded."

"I don't care if she's Lex Luthor and Bruce Wayne together in a single Chinese chick suit, they still wouldn't have the money for this crap!" Touji protested.

Asuka shook her head. "Suzuhara, Suzuhara, Suzuhara. Ye man of little faith! Women of great intellect like ourselves can easily come up with new ways to develop amazing inventions under budgets that only would feed the fat pockets of government officers if we were to work for them! That's the power of Free Science! What, can't your tiny ape brain comprehend that much?"

Hikari squinted suspiciously. "And Chao-san and you are just using this radical new technology to help liven up a school festival? Really, Asuka-chan?"

"Well, Chao's an eccentric," Asuka admitted. "Plus, once everyone in the Four Schools get to see what we're able to do, we'll instantly become celebrities, I'm sure. It's pure common sense, Hikari-chan!"

"I guess it does," a still clearly troubled Hikari pondered, "but even so-"

"I'm in! I'm in, I'm in, I'm in!" Kensuke wailed tears of happiness while waving a hand up and down.

Asuka nodded his way. "I knew you would, but remember, not a word to anyone until then. Or else I'll feed you your balls, and even worse, you'll never get to actually sit inside of one of these babies."

"My lips are sealed, O Most Excellent Ma'am, Goddess of Sciences and Heavy Weaponry!" Kensuke sobbed gleefully.

Asuka hummed. "Ohhh, I actually kinda like the sound of that ..."

Touji grunted, fists on his hips. "Fine, whatever, if my pal's in, I'm not gonna chicken out on him either. Right, Bro?" he asked, holding a fist up for Kensuke. After realizing said other boy was still too busy staring at the Unit 02 and filming it, Touji simply withdrew his fist back with a grunt of mild disgust. "Seriously, buddy, you make me really worried sumtimes."

"Yeah, well, about that whole 'weaponry' thing, Asuka-chan," Hikari nervously asked her best friend, "you haven't actually put guns or anything on these things, have you?"

"Oh, you mean like Chao and her classmate did on Chachamaru?" Asuka asked back. "Well, not precisely. We're going to use them for a war game of sorts, so weapons are needed, but they'll be perfectly harmless trick weapons, that's all. No one's gonna get hurt or anything."

"What's a Chachamaru?" Touji grunted.

"You don't know?" Kensuke asked. "The robot girl."

"Which robot girl?! Don't give me that crap!"

"The green haired one! The cute one in Negi-sensei's class!" Kensuke protested. "You said she was kinda pretty, remember?!"

"He did?" Hikari's head snapped back to him, suddenly far less concerned and far more threatening.

"That's supposed to be a robot?! No fucking way!" Touji ignored her altogether. "You're pulling my leg!"

"... you really didn't know?" Kensuke said. "I thought it was very obvious."

"These eggheads could invent robots as tall as a house and a robot that can pass for a human on a schoolgirl's budget and still are wasting their time at junior high?!" Touji yelled. "That makes no fucking sense, why aren't they taking over the world then?!"

"... maybe because that'd be a lot of annoying work?"

"More work than creating a fucking human robot in the first place?!"

Hikari paused and again looked at Asuka. "You know, I think he has a point there, after all."

Asuka's right eyebrow twitched. "Ohhhh, just take that to Chao after we're done, will you?!"

* * *

"Is... Is she dead?" a tearful Negi, clad in luxurious, extremely sensual yet dignified and reserved ancient Foxgirl regalia, asked back at Aisaka Manor, kneeling by Ayaka's fallen body.

Kotaro scowled. "Nah," he said after a few moments of listening carefully. "Her heart's still beating. Quite a lot, actually. Still, I'm impressed. I'd never seen anyone bleeding that much... through the nose. That's never going to come off that dress."

Natsumi, who was more or less used to Iinchou's reactions to cute little boys in provocative outfits (she actually had almost died once, when some anonymous prankster had sent a very illegal file of images to her e-mail. They ha never been able figure out their identity, although, unknown to Natsumi, Chizuru later learned it had been her father, who rarely missed a chance to be a major dick to someone. Chizuru had actually been extremely angry at him for a while afterwards, even though her roommates had never put two and two together) gestured at the visibly stunned Haruna, Misa, Sakurako, Madoka, Yuuna and Ai, who stood looking down in horror at Ayaka and the pool of blood she was in.

"Why are you all just standing there doing nothing?" Murakami took over, determination setting in as if she were on the stage already. "Misa, bring a mop, Haruna, you bring a lot of fresh water, Yuuna, Madoka, you help me set Iinchou on the couch, Sakurako, you call Chizu-nee and tell her I'll be late for dinner, Ai-sempai, you, hmm... do you have any smelling salts on you?"

"H-Here!" Kaga nervously said, handing her a small bottle that Natsumi accepted with a thankful nod. 3-F students always walked around with all the proper reviving tools to deal with the needs of a teacher constantly inflicting lethal damage upon himself, a point Chiri never stopped insisting on.

Negi sniffled as he helped the girls set the blissfully smiling, unconscious Class Rep on the couch, who now seemed to be wearing a bright red dress. "I, I don't get it, Iinchou-san's always been so healthy...! Why, why is this...?"

Kotaro, who tried his best not to look directly at him, since for some reason Negi was making him feel somewhat uncomfortable right now, shrugged. "Must be some pervert thing. I've seen it happening to excited men before, although those are usually wimps. For all of this aunt's flaws, I was under the impression she was stronger than this..."

Negi frowned at him. "Pervert? What are you implying here, Kotaro-kun? Iinchou-san's not... any kind of weird person!"

"Ask your— I don't know, look it up on the Internet for all I care!" He approached Yuuna and handed her the bag of pancakes while Negi took Ayaka's pulse. "Here, your dad sent you this."

"Pancakes again?" Yuuna made a face. "Since when does Dad know how to make pancakes? Who even taught him, in the first place?"

"Beats me," Kotaro piously said, folding his arms behind his neck and rolling his eyes back. "It wasn't me, that's for sure, and that's all I care about..."

* * *

"Help with a haunted house?" Professor Rance said, lifting his haughty, lazy gaze from the pages of the old, thick hardcover of drk and terrible lore filled with purest terror ('Dating For Dummies') he had been reading.

Nodoka nodded nervously. "It, it's for the English Research Society's sake, Sensei. They're having trouble coming up with scary stuff to put in their Festival project, and you have a doctorate in Psychology, and you're always borrowing books on fear, so I thought..."

"Are you part of that Club as well, Miss Miyazaki?" the tall lanky man casually asked as he went back to his reading.

"W-Well, no, but one of my best friends is, so..."

"Then why isn't that friend asking for this herself? It's Miss Saotome, isn't she?" he aloofly flipped a page with his fingers, bones loosely wrapped in sagging skin, like a geriatric scrotum. "Why should you care to deliver a message for someone who couldn't be bothered to ask personally?"

Nodoka gulped. She knew Haruna disliked Rance-sensei, and he disliked her even more in turn. Even Yue wasn't fond of him at all, which is why she had come to him all alone to ask for his help.

"Truth is…" Nodoka said, looking down at her feet, "Haruna thinks she has good ideas for the haunted house, but everybody else in the club thinks they're too... extreme, that they wouldn't fit the attraction."

"Naturally," the American professor sneered, adjusting his glasses while going over a particularly interesting passage. "I can see the root of your problem, or rather, the problem you perceive as yours despite most categorically being not. Your so-called friends have no shortage of ideas they'd deem innovative for a fear-based attraction, as they don't want to keep doing the same things everyone takes for granted. However, their ideas are simply too radical and most likely would have the attraction closed by the faculty even before the Festival started. Am I right?"

Nodoka had to nod, impressed at how on-the-spot he'd been.

Rance sighed, taking a moment to pet the crow perched on his shoulder. It crapped on the back of his jacket and that dribbled on his chair. A passing Shiori-san pointedly put a can of Pledge and a cleaning rag next to Rance and stepped away.

"You are a victim of fear of inadequacy," he diagnosed, as if he couldn't smell bird crap coming from his clothes. "You owe nothing to these people who merely allow you hang around their periphery without fully welcoming you. They'd ask for your favors, and you would comply because you feel obliged to. You fear being further rejected if you would deny them. You cling to some measure of hope for full belonging in the event you do enough good for them, and they use that to their advantage, to keep procuring favors from you. My advice would be for you to break from that circle of dependence. Start thinking more selfishly. Be your own woman, Miss Miyazaki."

"But they didn't ask me to come to you," she said. "I came up with that idea all on my own. They don't even know I'm here."

"Ah," he said. "Then that's even worse, because it's something you have inflicted upon yourself."

She paused, looking at him in hopeless, unbroken silence, interrupted only by Shiori passing by, spraying a powerful air freshener in Rance's direction, and giving him another pointed librarian look before leaving.

Finally, he drew in a deep breath, made a face as he got a big whiff or bird crap and began writing on a sheet of paper. "I will give you some guidelines for fear triggers I have found to be particularly effective through my career. All I'm asking for in return is for you to never tell them this came from me..."

* * *

"Well," Negi said after reviewing the complete, extremely detailed annotations and diagrams, "I'm a bit perplexed about the abundance of scarecrows, but I can't deny this all seems very scary indeed. We might have to tone it down a bit, but I believe this'll make for an incredible haunted house. Thank you very much, Miyazaki-san."

She nodded with a bashful, eager smile. "Th-Think nothing of it, Negi-sensei!"

"This isn't your handwriting, however," he quickly noted. "If I had to hazard a guess from my Merdiana graphology studies, I'd say it belongs to an older man of foreign origins. So who—"

"A helpful outside source of assistance who would prefer to remain anonymous, Negi-sensei," Nodoka quickly said.

"... r-right," he said, forcing a nervous smile. "Sorry if I sounded too direct, it's just I tend to worry whenever a student—"

"On, on the subject of being too straightforward on topics regarding teacher and student, Sensei," she seized her chance, fidgeting all of a sudden, and averting her gaze, "th-there was something I was wondering..."

"Yes, what is it?"

"I don't want you to feel pressured, I didn't ask for these guidelines so you would owe me anything, and I realize you must have a full schedule for the School Festival, but..."

"Actually, I don't have much of a schedule yet, out of my hours helping at the haunted house," he admitted. Since by now most of his students actually knew about his many magical obligations and spent more time with him than they'd do otherwise, Misa aside, they hadn't been as eager to ask for shared time during Mahorafest as they'd have been under different circumstances so far. "If you want me to help you with something, I'd be glad to..."

"R-Really?!" she squeaked, her face flaring hot pink, before she forced herself to calm down. "Ah, ah, I mean, if that's the way things are, I'd like to ask you, if you don't have any, any problems with it..."

"Yes...?" he tentatively asked once it was obvious she'd gotten herself stuck there.

"P-Please go for a stroll together with me around the World Tree!" she quickly blurted out, closing her eyes and slightly leaning ahead, her cheeks growing even redder.

"... eh?" Negi babbled. "I, I, I have no problems with listening to you in private with any issues you might have, but we're already alone in my office, so if you want that, you don't have to wait that long..."

Nodoka made a suffering face, and Negi gasped. "Oh! Y-You mean, like, ah, um...? Ah, well, I'm, I'm honored, although I'm sure I'm misunderstanding you again, but, but I was under the impression that you and Kot—"

"I'M NOT!" an angry voice shouted from right outside his window. "AND I WAS JUST PASSING BY, BY THE WAY!" it added, before loud stomping sounds could be heard on the grass, quickly vanishing in the distance.

Nodoka and Negi sweatdropped and fell into a long pregnant silence, until Nodoka weakly said, "It's just, we haven't ever gotten to spend any actual time just the two of us, to talk things over like, ah, friends, so, I was wondering, what better chance than this, before classes st-st-start again..."

Negi nodded, eyes very wide. "I see. W-Well, that's a perfectly reasonable request, of course, so I don't see why not. Call me later and we'll arrange for a suitable date—"

"It's, it's not a date, but thank you, I'll call...!" Nodoka squealed as she ran out of the office as fast as she could, crimson from toes to head.

"I mean a date for the conversation out of the three possible dates, not a date-date! Miyazaki-san!" Negi tried calling out for her from his door, before deflating into a sigh. "Oh dear, what have I gotten myself into this time?"

Then he tensed, took a brief glimpse into the office next door, and breathed in relief when he saw Nitta-sensei hadn't arrived yet. Last thing he needed was having him overhearing that kind of outburst...

"Boy, that girl's sure heads over heels for you, isn't she?" another voice casually asked from the door of the other next door office. Negi did a full body shudder as he realized the presence of the woman standing behind him now with her hands on her hips.

"She actually has a boyfriend of sorts already," Negi uneasily said without looking back, "so I'm sure that's not the way it is, Fujimura-sensei..."

"Well, that's the age of having conflicted, mixed feelings, you know... oh, right, you don't know that yet, my bad," Fujimura Taiga shrugged. "She looks like the sort who would easily be ignored by her boyfriend, who'd rather be seduced by stronger, more assertive women, leaving her to feel more attracted to more passive and docile nice boys instead. It happens all the time. In other words, you're being a patsy, so you better look out."

"Miyazaki-san would never do something like that!" he startled her, looking back at her over his shoulder with unusual ferocity.  
Taiga took it in stride, raising her hands. "I'm just sayin'! I'm sure she isn't even aware she's doing it, and she'd feel awful if you pointed that out to her, but doesn't mean you shouldn't be careful all the same. I'm not even obligated to tell you this, you know?"

He sighed. "Yes, that I do know. Sorry, Sensei. I've been under a lot of pressure lately... I still don't think she meant it that way, but I'll make sure things don't escalate out of control."

"See that you don't. It's hard for us incredibly sexy teachers to handle the passions of impressionable students lured by our good looks."

"... did you just refer to me as 'incredibly sexy' by association, Fujimura-sensei?"

"... don't put words in my mouth now, kid, and anyway, I can't stay and answer, I'm on my way back home already, bye," she quickly said before stalking away at a rapid pace.

* * *

"Kotaro-kun," Negi said nearly two hours later, stopping as he encountered the Inugami boy blocking his path back home, arms folded, and a scowl on his face.

"Took you long enough, Geek," Kotaro humorlessly told him.

Negi scowled back, a hand reaching for the staff in his back. "Is this about Nodoka-san? Do you think I'm toying with her? Because I'm not, but, if as usual, you won't listen to reason, then..."

"Nodo... No!" Kotaro finally growled, balling his fists up. "Wh-what that girl decides to do with her free time is none of my business!"

"Right, which is why you were 'just passing by' next to my window while she talked to me," Negi scolded him. "Seriously, Kotaro-kun, not even Matoi-san would think of saying something like that!"

"Will you stop mistaking me for a stalker?!" Kotaro shouted. "Listen, okay, I wasn't just passing by, but I wasn't there for Nodoka-neechan!"

And, after a moment of red-faced doubt, presented Negi with two tickets. "I, I was there for you!"

 _Somewhere on campus, Haruna and Harumi both went ramrod straight while drawing doujin. "I sense that I'm missing something really hot…" each muttered._

Negi recoiled, going very pale, his hand on the staff loosening in fear. "Kotaro-kun... I, I feel sort of honored, I guess, but I just can't... NO!" he gave several steps back. "Sorry, but I'll never, Kotaro-kun!"

"Eh?" Kotaro sneered out a corner of his mouth. "What goofy nonsense are you saying now, Nerd?"

"Look I'm British, we know about these sort of things! We invented the word 'poofter'!"

"Look, these are tickets for the Martial Arts Festival!"

"Oh!" A beat. "And what does that have to do with me?" Negi asked.

"You idiot, I bought one of these especially for you!" Kotaro growled, slamming one of the tickets on Negi's hand and giving him strange Chisame flashbacks. "You won't be able to sneak away from me this way!"

"So, this is a gift?" Negi blinked, looking carefully at the ticket. "Why, thank you, you shouldn't have. And I don't have anything to give you in return... Wait a moment, these aren't tickets to watch the show!"

"Well, duh!" Kotaro said. "We're going to fight, so I can finally pound your ass in front of everybody, and that way my revenge will be complete! It's better than what I aimed for at first, since this way your ass-pounding will be public!"

 _Somewhere, Haruna and Harumi shuddered again._

"Revenge? Revenge over what?! What have I ever done to you?!"

"Arrrghhh! That doesn't matter now, think of it as a revenge you can enact on me if you want to, but as long as we get to fight I don't care!"

"What do you mean it doesn't matter, of course it does, I never fight without a reason!" Negi argued. "And I have nothing to avenge myself on you! You already paid for Konoka-san's kidnapping, and then you helped me against the Count, and—"

"Fine, then it's not a revenge, then it's something you owe me, whatever! I want a fight, a proper fight, that's all I'm asking from you!" Kotaro shouted, tossing his hands up wildly.

"... you're weird, Kotaro-kun. And you even spent your mother's money buying this for me? Are you sure she'll approve?"

"What, what do you mean, a real man spends his own money, not his—"

"Kotaro-kun, please."

"It's only borrowed money, I'll pay her later as soon as I can work again, and anyway she told me I had to work out my issues, not that this is an issue or anything! Negiiiiiiii! A man shouldn't have to beg another man for the right to pound his ass!"

 _Haruna. Harumi. Shudder._

"... yes, you definitely are weird."

"I'm being a good sport! I could've just dropped by to punch you in the face and get started with it already!"  
Negi sighed. "How immature. Fine then. Are you really sure you want to do this? I've been training hard under Evangeline-san, you knew that?"

"As if I cared! Kotaro scoffed. "I've been training hard too, on my own, but just as well!"

"You haven't been sneaking away at nights to pick fights, have you?"

"Wah!" a voice cried from the side, and only then did Negi realize Ku Fei had been walking the same way he'd been taking, just catching up to them and snapping out of her own distracted thoughts. "I confess, I confess! I been doing that, yes, but what other way is there to keep skills honed! Mahou Shoujo get to all monsters before me, and I met all worthy fighters in school and beat them already, and you won't— Ohhh, you in Martial Arts Tournament, Negi-bouzou!" Her green eyes sparkled as she looked at the ticket still in Negi's hand.

"Ah, good to see you again, Ku-san," Negi said. "But what were you doing out this lat—"

"I no picking street fights, and curfew no in effect yet!" the Chinese girl argued. She grinned and waved a ticket of her own as well. "Negi-bouzou finally have rematch with original, best teacher, yeah? This time you no have excuse to no fight me!"

"Hey, get in line, sister," the annoyed Kotaro said. "As a matter of fact, I asked him first. Hell, that ticket was mine in the first place..."

"Oh, Boy-Smelling-Like-Dog's here too," Ku noticed. "Nihao, Boy-Smelling-Like-Dog!"

"What the hell, I smell much better than this bath-hating Four-Eyes!" Kotaro angrily pointed at Negi.

"Ah, Boy-Smelling-Like-Dog in tournament too, I see," Ku smiled and nodded. "That good, I remember from Kyoto you good fighter too. Look forward to see you there, too."

"Well, yeah, keep on waiting, I don't fight girls," Kotaro told her. "I'm there only to pound this guy in the ass."

"Wow. Pity Paru not here, she love hear that." Ku laughed. "Silly boy, Mahora Tournament is equal opportunity thing! Man and woman fight in same brackets, that way it always been! Where you raised? Or better, which century?"

"You've just been shown by someone who was raised in a Chinese lost mountain village," Negi smiled at Kotaro.

Ku frowned at her teacher now.

"Wh-What?!" Negi gasped. "It wasn't meant to offend! I was raised in a lost mountain village myself! We didn't even have any TV! The eighties oly cam last year!"

"We no plumbing, I win!" Ku stuck her tongue out at him. "All the same, Negi-bozu now have to fight me, and better make me proud! I give my best, too!"

"Uhhhh... okay, sure thing!" Negi quickly nodded, smiling at her.

"Oh, sure thing, when it's her asking, then you have no problems with it!" Kotaro pointed out.

"Oh? So you asked for Negi-bozu on date too?" Ku asked.

 _ **"DATE?!"**_ both boys cried.

Ku Fei shrugged. "Well, this date by Amazon standards, you can say..."

"So you asked ME out on a date too?!" Kotaro slammed a hand on his chest.

"Of course no, I just say I want to see you there. I only say I want fight Negi-bozu there!" Ku sniffed. "Have standards."

Kotaro sighed in relief. "Well, that's much better!"

"You gay?" Ku Fei casually asked him, rolling a bit of her skirt up while extending her leg forward. "Not that anything wrong with that. Because no one acted that scared of date with this before. They usually even ask for date after I beat them up. Even more so then!"

"Ku-san!" Negi scolded her.

"Of course I'm not, not, not like that!" Kotaro shouted furiously.

"Then you racist because Ku's skin is dark?" the girl asked next. "Typical."

Kotaro sizzled in anger, walked to a tree, and began bashing his head against the trunk.

"Your friend weird, Negi-bozu," the Chinese girl observed.

"Yeah, tell me about it..."

"WE'RE NOT FRIENDS!"

* * *

"I'm home," Negi sighed while walking into his and his roommates' living quarters, setting his shoes by the door. "You'll never believe what happened on my way— Skuld-san?" he blinked, noticing Skuld was sitting comfortably on his couch, with Chamo at her feet and a pouting Satomi at her side, all three of them watching the 'Beyond 3000, presented by Wayne Tech' scientific TV show together. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, hey there, Sensei," an oddly happy Skuld waved at him. "Who gave you invitations first? Murakami? Miyazaki? Iinchou, maybe? Or that Tomoe girl?"

Negi frowned slightly as he hung his jacket on its perch. "Sometimes I forget you're a goddess of the future. I've received invitations from Misa-san to partake in a... small contest, from Nodoka-san to a friendly conversation during the first day of the Festival, and from Kotaro-kun and Ku-san to join them in the Martial Arts Tournament, but that's all..."

"Friendly, right!" Chisame's voice came from the next room, over the sounds of her fingers constantly tapping on her keyboard.

"Yes, friendly!" he sighed. "We all know she likes Kotaro-kun better anyway!"

There was a thump from the room next door, but they ignored it.

"Oh, only that many so far?" Skuld sounded almost disappointed. "Well, there's still time. Then let me be the third one, or fourth one, depending on how you look at it."

"Ehh?" Negi instinctively pulled back.

Skuld laughed. "Relax, I've better taste in boys than that! Chao and I just wanted to give you an invitation to an event we've cooked up for the Festival, a little shocker to give everyone something to talk about for a while. Chao was a bit reluctant, but I talked her into this, it's the future, literally!"

As Satomi glared hostilely, Skuld gladly handed Negi a few tickets for yet another event, and he gave them a closer look while adjusting his glasses. "A speedster water race?"

"A-yep, it'll be all the rage in 2086, but I told myself, what's the use in delaying progress, right?" Skuld cagily said, while Satomi glared back and forth between her and Negi. "I've been thinking, and it's a sin for a delegate from the Heavens bestowed upon this world not to grace mankind with at least a little preview of the wonders the future has to offer for you in the possible temporal bifurcations where you don't ravage yourselves in nuclear hellfire and the world isn't conquered by ninja."

Negi paled and gasped. "Nuclear... hell...?"

Skuld shrugged carelessly. "My domain is the future, I got to see all futures, that doesn't mean I know which one is waiting for you guys. That's entirely for you to decide. The upside is, whether you get to live long enough or not, you'll still get to see these incredible, pulse pounding races!"

"Um, Skuld-san, I hate to have to tell you this," Negi said, "but mankind has had water races for several decades now..."

"Not like these!" Skuld argued. "Our laboratories will be supplying state-of-the-art, brand-new wonderful water vehicles unlike any this age has ever seen, yet extremely easy for any neophyte from these primitive times to drive!"

"Of which I hadn't been informed!" Satomi curtly interjected. "Despite being Chao's right hand woman and co-head of the New Developments Department!"

Skuld laughed lightly with a hand by her mouth. "Oh-ho-ho, sorry, but this was a private project between Chao and I, Satomi-san. I determined your attentions were simply too scattered in different directions as for you to be able to contribute in any meaningful way…"

"You should've at least consulted me first!" Satomi said. "Sensei, don't accept this alien pretender's invitation, there's nothing to benefit mankind from the development of frivolous pursuits like the ones she's describing!"

"Just like a close-minded researcher unwilling to admit the obvious results of events unfolding before her nose!" the goddess tilted her chin up at her. "You haven't even seen the nature of my designs or its possible applications, and yet you're already rejecting them out of personal spite!"

"Don't fight, don't fight!" Negi said.

 **"DON'T FIGHT!"** Chisame growled from where she sat, and only then both genius girls fell silent.

They still stuck out their tongues at each other in silence, though.

Negi sighed, tucking the invitations in the breast pocket of his shirt. "I accept your invitation, Skuld-san. I'm sure it'll be a show to behold, although I'm not too sure how many will want to take part in—"

"Actually, those aren't tickets for you to watch from the audience," Skuld pointed out. "They're tickets for you and a co-pilot of your choice as contestants. We're hoping your presence will boost our ratings."

 _"WHAAAAAT?!"_ Negi said, at the same time Chisame peeked out into the living room, shouting exactly the same thing with wild eyes and a vein bulging on her temple.

Satomi put on a small vindicated smirk. "I knew it."

Skuld put on her best serious face. "Sensei," she said. "I'm a Guardian of the Secrets of the Future, and I cannot and do not share information on the mists of what there is to come lightly. However, over our association I've come to respect you and your integrity," she added in a way that was extremely not convincing, "and I know you can be trusted with this information. Your family is fated for great things related to water speed races."

"What," Chisame said flatly.

Negi blinked. "Are you... are you serious, Skuld-san?"

Hakase squinted in distrust. "What are you scheming this time, pretender?"

"Why, I'm being perfectly honest and sincere," Skuld piously said with a hand on her heart, "when I say the Springfield lineage will have many a decisive meeting during water races during the years to come. For an ancestor would naturally come to his descendant's side during his moment of triumph after a manly test of his skill against those of his peers, under the bright Japanese sun, over the blue waters of the bay, where..."

"I'll be there!" Negi eagerly said.

"NEGI!" Chamo, Chisame and Satomi scolded him as one.

Skuld smiled at the ermine. "You know a water race on Mahora lake means a lot of beautiful girls in swimsuits and getting wet, don't you?"

"He'll be there!" Chamo immediately changed his tune, sounding even Hotter Blooded than Negi had just sounded.

"Well, that's wonderful to hear, and I'm sure Chao will agree," Skuld pleasantly sang, gracefully heading for the door before Satomi or Chisame could stop her. "If you need more information, just call me, but the back of the tickets will give you all the basic info you'll need! Remember, the small print is always important, tee-hee!"

"Thank you so very much, Skuld-san!" a moved Negi sniffled, interrupting his Ministra's incoming objections. "I won't forget this!"

"Oh, I'm sure you won't!" Skuld winked at him before closing the door after herself, and then sweetly humming to herself, hands in her pockets, as she happily strolled down the hallway.

Yuuna was waiting for her, frowning and folding her arms, after she doubled the first corner. Skuld gave her a happy thumbs-up. "Hook, line, sucker!" she all but giggled.

Yuuna still wasn't smiling. "You better know where you're going with this," she told her roommate. "If any of what Chao and you are planning ends up hurting Negi-kun and the others, I'm going to—"

"It's not in my interest to hurt Sensei, much less in Chao's," Skuld wagged a finger at her mischievously. "Relax, and let the smart girls hold the steering wheel for you, Yuu-chan!"

"Don't call me Yuu-chan. Sku-chan."

Skuld just laughed at the nickname she'd normally sneer at. Yuuna was liking this less and less with every passing moment. "Oh, you're a riot, how did I never notice that before? Anyway, please get out of my way, I've still got a few invitations to extend and—"

"Where?" Yuuna asked.

"You can come with me if you want," Skuld graciously allowed. "I think you'll like the next one a lot, actually..."

"I think I don't like it already!" Yuuna disagreed.

* * *

"I was sure you were going to do something stupid, like taking me to Dad and... telling him all about us," Yuuna said tensely.

The girl sitting by her side, with her legs crossed confidently, smiled in that insufferable way of hers. "By now, you should know I'm not that predictable, Yuu-chan."

"You bet!" Yuuna cried. "I never dreamed you'd do something as stupid and suicidal as taking me **here**!"

Skuld had, indeed, taken Yuuna out of the dormitories and into the woods, reaching into the Mahora mountainside, where reigned an old mansion Yuuna had occasionally seen from afar during camp trips and bus tours with the basketball team. It would actually be more accurate to call it a castle, with its high stone walls and crenellations and, as she'd seen on the way in, even a courtyard. It was deep in the forests, midway between Mahora and what used to be Fuyuki on the mountains' other side. She'd been under the impression it'd been abandoned, much like Sayo's house, and perhaps it had been for years, but now someone definitely lived there now.

The small, albino mistress of the castle, staring angrily at them from the regal seat facing them, growled at the two girls sitting on her incredibly expensive and fancy couch. The seat was several times taller than her, actually, and under other circumstances Yuuna would have found the sight of such a tiny girl trying to act so authoritarian on a chair that dwarfed her so much to be utterly hilarious. Today's circumstances were not those circumstances at all.

"Are you aware," Illyasviel von Einzbern asked them, "I could have made Berserker crush you with his bare hands as soon as I found you snooping around my gates?"

"We weren't snooping, we were ringing," Skuld matter-of-factly said.

"It's all the same when it comes to uninvited guests!" Illya huffed, tossing her hair back with a hand, petulantly. "I could easily bury your bodies in the woods and they'd never find you!"

"What a sad waste of perfectly good research material!" Skuld feigned dismay. "Since when has an Einzbern rejected the chance to experiment on a materialized Divine Spirit and a Ministra of a Springfield?"

"Skuld, don't give her any ideas...!" Yuuna whined.

lllya pouted again. "A goddess? Who, you? I knew my brother's students were insane, but this much?"

"Hey, I object!" Yuuna said. "She's the only one with a god complex! Don't lump us in with her!"

"Think whatever you want," Skuld shrugged, "but you gain nothing from smiting us, and I'm sure you know that. Otherwise I wouldn't have come here, I'd just have sent Yuuna alone."

"HEY!" Yuuna said.

Skuld smiled and extended two tickets towards Illya, making the maid standing by the girl's side lift an eyebrow. Illya herself only scoffed. "And what's this?"

"Tickets for an attraction, of course," Skuld said. "Our School Festival's about to start, and Negi-sensei and Emiya-san will both be a part of it. Don't you want to share some festivities with them before having Heracles stomp them into paste?"

Illya hummed, snatching the tickets from her hand. "What's your game, charlatan?"

Skuld's face straightened into a scowl. "Okay, let's skip past the pleasantries. You should've come here looking for a single brother, Emiya Shirou. For you to know about your link to Negi, you must have found Kiritsugu and Irisviel's notes."

Illya gasped in surprise, even as Sayoko tensed, and finally, the albino hissed venomously at Skuld. "How do you even know—? Speak, or else I'll sic Berserker on you!"

"I told you already," Skuld simply said. "I'm a goddess."

"You're not!" Illya protested.

"I was there when Justeaze Lizrich von Einzbern first conspired with Makiri Zouken, and I was there when she was consumed by her work, child," Skuld coldly said, in a tone that suddenly was inhuman and nearly eldritch, in a way that chilled Yuuna and Sayoko to their bones. "Yours is the same fate that was crafted for her, and I bet you're aware of that by now."

"What..." Illya said.

Skuld kept on speaking, relentless, firm, stressing each word with the imperiousness of something that had been there long before mankind, and would remain there long after mankind would be gone. "I witnessed how your family staged a slaughter in the Second War, and then continued their mistakes by tainting the Grail with the Source of All Evils in the Third. Don't lecture me, Illyasviel. I am part of what your family has foolishly tried to reach through centuries, and now I honor your dirty doorstep with my presence...!"

"I… I don't believe you!" Illya gasped, standing up and gesturing wildly. "There's no way, you can't be—!"

Skuld stood as well and leaned ahead to look into her eyes, in a way that, to any outsider, would have looked like nothing but two cute little girls making faces to each other. To Yuuna and Sayoko, who only could stand back in fear, it was an unescapable standoff of doom. "I know what was there, in your father's notes. I know why he _really_ fought. I know what's going to happen to you. I know why you're so desperate to know your blood brother before your time runs out, homunculus. I know everything. And I know you won't have me killed, because I know you aren't that stupid, Springfield heritage not withstanding!"

Illya pulled back, struggling with her outrage, her wishes to prove this strange person wrong, and her fear of what she was saying, her uncertainty of why she was saying it. The Einzberns had always been that way, stuck between their foolish arrogance and their foolish curiosity. But when given to choose between them, curiosity would win every time. That was why they had accepted help from others to first create the Grail, and why they had welcomed a magus killing pariah among themselves. To gain greater knowledge of the mysteries of the unknown.

And this mouthy, insolent, delusional young woman was, in her own way, also a mystery of the unknown.

Skuld grimaced sourly, and she spoke next with an ominous voice barely fitting a little girl. Jaded, weary, almost like that of a spent woman. "Even if you were a goddess, you should know man's quest for knowledge aims for independence from the gods' whims."

"And that's why you were cast from paradise," Skuld reminded her.

"What do you want from me?"

"I told you that already. Just show yourself in that little event I'm setting up. You could even learn a few things about the Thousand Master by the end of it. I'm not one of the gods who would keep mankind in the darkness. I'd gladly have handed the fire to Prometheus, had it been my call. Like you, I strive for knowledge. And I'm more than willing to share it. But only as long as you've earned it."

Illya frowned, giving the tickets an aloof glare. "What am I supposed to do in an event like this?"

"You are to lure the other Masters out with your presence," Skuld said, making Yuuna wince in surprise and disgust, "so this situation can reach a head already. A Grail War can't stall indefinitely like this, or that'll only lead to an even worse outcome. Yours is the most powerful of all Servants summoned for this war, so what do you have to fear from exposing yourself to them? Only one of them could match Heracles, and I can help you deal with him."

"What, how are you so sure there aren't any more Servants that are as strong as hers!?" Yuuna demanded, pointing at Illya. "Honestly, Skuld, have you gone bug fucking crazy?!"

"He's Heracles, of course there can't be any stronger hero, duh!" Illya snorted. "I see your point. If the other Masters had the guts and the capable Servants to single-handedly win a war, they'd have shown themselves already instead of hiding cowardly, waiting for someone else to make the first move. But who—"

"There is a Servant we have heard of, Trickster, who bears what only can be the cursed mask of Loki," Skuld told her. "That's the only Fifth War Servant who can match yours in combat. But Loki is from my pantheon. I can deal with him. And I have an educated guess as to his Master's identity."

"So let's hear it," Illya invited.

"Other than you and Evangeline McDowell, there is only one magic user in this campus powerful enough as to summon and control a Servant empowered by a god," Skuld said. "Think about it. Who, more than anybody else, would want to stall the war as much as possible through an unstoppable Servant?"

Yuuna gasped. "You don't mean...!"

Skuld kept on appealing to Illya. "I want this war resolved shortly, but away from civilians. Help me and, in turn, I'll help you to dispose of the other Servants in a way that spares the citizens of Mahora. I'll even throw a miracle for you if you really earn it. You are a hybrid, Illya. With enough expert work performed on you, you can take after your father's lifespan, rather than your mother's. That is, if you really wish for that."

"Could you do that, seriously?" Illya asked, sounding as condescending as ever, but also betraying a tiny pang of childlike hope.

Skuld smirked. "I told you already, Illya. I know _everything_."

Illya smirked back. "We'll have to see about that, won't we?"

And Yuuna felt even worse than she'd have felt if she'd just sicced Berserker on them.

* * *

That night, while Negi slept, he was awoken up by soft tapping on his window. Well, Chisame's window, technically. He half-rose from his bunk, well, Chisame's bunk technically, supporting himself on his hands, and looked at the familiar face staring at him from the outside, visible thanks to the pale full moon light.

"Matoi-san?" the boy yawned. "What happened?"

"Your sister wants to talk to you," Tsunetsuki said softly, while tilting her neck aside just enough as to get a better look at Chisame's prone, stirring form by Negi's side.

Negi blinked into further awareness. "Illya?!"

"Who's Illya?!" an also oddly familiar voice demanded from the shadows, as Matoi calmly shook her head.

"Not that one, the other one, you know, the one who's actually your cousin and calls herself the—"

"I-I'm not a woman!" the masked figure who had just pushed Matoi aside protested, their face now fully visible through the window frame. "And I'm no one's sister either!" thy added as if an afterthought.

"The mysterious Black Rose Baron!" Negi gasped.

Chisame, who was fully awake as well by now, gave the unexpected visitor a jaded glare. "Oh, just look who dropped by. What's up? This better be good."

"What, what are you doing in a child's bed?!" the Black Rose Baron demanded in a strangled tone, their mask going slightly askew.

"Ask what the child's doing in my bed instead," Chisame coldly told them. "He was taught to do that by some sister of his, as I recall." While the Baron went into a brief fit of coughing over this, Chisame coolly asked Negi, "Then, are you finally admitting Illya's your sister as well?"

"I didn't say that!" Negi frowned, while gesturing and summoning his glasses from the drawer to his hand, putting them on with a dignified pout. "We shouldn't be so hasty as to call mystery men and potentially dangerous Masters sisters of mine!"

"No matter how you put it, that's a woman! A woman!" Chisame scolded him, repeatedly pointing at the window. In the bunk below, the still mostly-asleep Hakase, with a snoring Chamo sleeping on her chest, yanked a leg up to bash her bare foot against the bottom of Chisame's bunk, mumbling something about shutting up already.

Outside, Matoi muttered to herself while pulling back into the futon she always kept by Chisame's window, and where she'd always camp through the nights, the better to be by her door by the first waking hour of the morning. She barely could believe how much of a stalker Sensei's sister was. Chasing him all across half of the world like this, seriously? How unbalanced!

"Anyway, why are you here, Baron-san?" Negi asked the mysterious stranger tiptoeing on the dangerously narrow ledge Matoi somehow managed to sleep on every night in her small stalking camp, two stories above ground level. The Baron had to cling to the window's frame to keep from falling, while Tsunetsuki was already sleeping again on her futon, oblivious to the wind blowing around them, as if she was stuck with glue to the building.

Nekane paused, frowned, decided leaving this whole 'Illya' business for later, and assumed her best manly voice again, proudly declaring to Negi, "I, the shadow that roams Mahora, the morally ambiguous friend or foe, the Black Rose Baron, challenge you to a meeting for this School Festival, Negi Springfield!"

He blinked. "I beg your pardon?"

Forcing a boastful smile, she pointed at him with the hand not clutching for her life. "Under the guise of a young woman, I, the secure-in-his-sexuality master of disguise, will meet you in Dinosaur Land on the day of your choice!"

"Dinosaur Land!" Negi perked up, his eyes starry, as Chisame groaned and Hakase kept on kicking harder. "It's true, I'd almost forgotten, the Festival will have a Dinosaur-themed attraction sponsored by Jurassic World!"

The Baron clenched their toothy grin, holding two tickets up in their gloved hand. "This decisive showdown will have all expenses paid by me, you only need to bring your presence, Son of the Thousand Master! So you have no excuse to back away! Choose the day! Have no fear, for I—"

"The first day, the first day!" Negi enthusiastically said, waving his arms in a rush of thrill. "Thank you so very much, Baron-san!"

"Oh ho ho ho!" the Baron laughed, sounding an awful lot like Ayaka. "I like that, such courage! Then, at 10:00 A.M., I'll meet you at the entrance, lunch optional, which I'd also for pay, of course! Don't disappoint me, we'll have a great tim—I mean, a great showdown like, um, those Nagi Springfield had with Jack Rakan and—"

At this point, the wind slapped their cape onto their face, sending their top hat falling to the ground below and completely ruining the dramatic effect they'd had been aiming for. They quickly pulled the cape off their face, pulled the mask back up, and finished, "It's time to go now! Rest well, for I want you at the peak of your capacities for that fateful day! Farewell, and until then!" they said, snapping their fingers and disappearing in a flurry of black petals.

"Atchooo!" Matoi sneezed, fanning petals off her face with her hands. "Dammit, did you have to do that, you stalking weirdo?! I'll ask Kaere-san for her lawyer's number and sue you!"

Negi sniffled, kneeling on the bunk and looking at the ceiling, tightening a fist. "Dinosaur Land! I mean, a decisive duel with the Baron, to see dinosaurs, I mean, to learn his true identity and purposes! This makes me so happy, a chance to see dinosaurs with my fa—that is, a chance to unravel this enigma once and for all!"

"Gee, Negi, that sure sounds too dangerous, though," Chisame blandly said. "Maybe you shouldn't go."

Negi sighed. "I understand it might be a trap, Chisame, but the Baron obviously wants me to go alone, and I have agreed upon his terms on a deal between gentlemen, so—"

"Well, then I trust you, Negi," Chisame kept on speaking just as blandly, "but please make sure she doesn't kill you through an excess of bottled up affection, okay? It's like what happens when Sora wants to make up for all the lost time cooking for me, I can barely survive that…"

"Nekane's an excellent cook and I'm sure the homemade lunch she'll bring will be delicious!" Negi said before quickly shifting gears. "No, what I mean is, my father is, ah, was, will be—Ohhh, never mind, just go sleep already, tomorrow's a school day!" her teacher sternly reminded her before tucking himself back in with a huff.

"Well," Chamo's voice came from the bunk below. "That's some progress, I guess."

"I've seen the models for that exposition, and they are all woefully inaccurate," Satomi's voice quietly shared. "None of them even have any feathers!"

Chisame yawned and smacked her lips together. "I'm sure I'll be very pissed off about this tomorrow, when I'm awake enough."

* * *

 **Don't You Want to Belong?**

"This isn't going to work," Sailor Mars predicted as they faced the black-clad, scythe-wielding blonde little girl they'd basically just corralled on the rooftop.

"Hush, you," Sailor Venus told her before forward with a friendly smile on her face, offering a hand to the wary, frowning little girl and her hissing, massive pet, who bared its sharp teeth and looked a second away from attacking. "Greetings, fellow Magical Girl! It's good to finally meet you face to face! No doubt you know me, Sailor V, from my highly successful line of videogames, fashionable clothes, trendy jewelry, stickers, lunchboxes and incoming manga series!"

"And ero-doujin," Sailor Mars dryly added.

"Be quiet, Mars," Venus said. "Regardless, fellow Magical Girl, we've received reports of your sightings all over the Mahora area, but we couldn't catch up to you until today! Boy, you're fast! Anyway, I'm glad we could finally talk things over, because we'd like to extend you an invitation to join our United Magical Girl Association!"

"Unless you're evil, that is," Sailor Mars pointed out.

"Mars-san, please..." Sailor Mercury sighed.

"Don't mind Sailor Mars, we're perfectly aware your completely black attire, feral-looking familiar and ominous choice of a symbol of death as a weapon doesn't mean you're evil or anything!" Venus cheerfully told her. "We'll probably have to lengthen your skirt a bit until you're at least fourteen, but we're okay with everything else, we're not prejudiced!"

The tiny blonde just kept on frowning at them, never lowering the scythe, as her familiar growled even louder and more relentless now. Artemis and Kero hid behind Akira's legs, hugging them tightly and shuddering.

"This is Sailor Mars, and that's Sailor Mercury, and just so you can see how diverse we already are, that's Card Captor," Venus pointed at each one of the others, all of whom waved and smiled, except for Shiho, who only waved and groaned. "Then, um, what's your codename?"

"How many Jewel Seeds do you already have?" the little girl demanded.

Sailor Venus blinked. "Jewel Seeds?"

"Don't play innocent!" the huge red-dog-lion thing growled. "We won't fall for your tricks! If you're trying to fool us into giving our Jewel Seeds up, then forget it!"

"... what's a Jewel Seed?" Venus asked perplexedly to Nodoka, who only shrugged. "Okay, Kero-san, how about you?"

"This, this is the first time I heard about something like that..." Kerberos stammered, really wishing he had his original size back.

"Why am I the only one still retaining enough normalcy to be impressed by the fact that beast just talked?!" Shiho shouted, frantically pointing at Arf.

Venus clucked her tongue and wagged her finger. "For shame, Mars, for shame, a Magical Girl should never call another Magical Girl's familiar 'a beast'. Isn't it obvious he's a noble, brave guardian of his lovely partner and...?"

"I'M A GIRL!" Arf yelled.

"... ah well, sorry about that then!" Venus chuckled goofily. "So, um, you're looking for something called Jewel Seeds, right? That's okay, there's no need to compete, we're all look for different things. The three of us Sailor Senshi are looking for the Silver Imperium Crystal and the Moon Princess, and Card Captor is looking for the Clow Cards. The only thing in common we're all looking for together is GREAT JUSTICE!"

"We don't know about any Jewel Seeds," Akira gently smiled at them, "but we'll gladly tell you if we ever see one. In return, we'd be very grateful if you could tell us anything you knew about the Silver Imperium Crystal, the Moon Princess, or the Clow Cards..."

The little girl looked suspiciously at all of them, then took several quick hops back. "I need to consult my mother," she said, before pulling a small black cellphone out of a pocket in her cape, swiftly turning around, and secretively making a call in urgent whispered tones, with her familiar sitting by her side leaning on her and trying to overhear every bit of the talk.

Sailor Mars grunted to her companions. "What kind of control freak mother lets her daughter walk around dressed like that? At least our families aren't even aware we're doing this crap."

Minako shrugged. "Maybe she's like those moms from the ballet reality shows, or the ones about child beauty pageants? Or maybe the mom was a really big Magical Girl fangirl when she was younger and is living vicariously through her daughter?"

"Do we really want someone like that in our team?" Shiho argued.

"Well, we let **you** in, didn't we?"

"Girls...!" Nodoka and Akira said, and it's a truly sad situation when out of any particular group of people, the token 3-A students are being the voice of reason.

"I understand. Very well. Yes, I'll do that," the black clad girl nodded, cutting the call short before walking back to the Association. "My name is Fate Testarossa, daughter of Professor Testarossa at the College District, and this is Arf..."

"... for Kami-sama's sake, girl, you're supposed to give a codename..." Sailor Venus said, sweatdropping.

"I'm currently on a mission of GREAT JUSTICE to find all Jewel Seeds that fell from outer space onto Earth, to keep them safe from the forces of evil and their local representative, a White Devil girl with an obsessive perchance for violence, who is assisted by a vaguely phallic mustelid familiar..." Fate helpfully explained.

"Okay, yeah, well, those guys tend to be bad news," Kero agreed.

"Say no more, then!" Venus decided, slamming a fist into her open palm. "We'll help you to find that evil girl and put an end to her wicked schemes! I mean, obviously you're trustworthy, being so innocently willing to give us your real name and parentage like that!"

"... what in the name of fuck," Shiho grimaced. "Hey, Bookstore-san, didn't you say that robot classmate of yours, or her parallel world self, whatever, once met some sickeningly nice girl called the something-or-other Devil looking for something called a—"

"Well," Arf sighed, "I guess we had to at least give it a try, right..."

"Right," Fate nodded, raising Bardiche towards the Association, quickly charging energy on it, and then blasting at them with electricity, just as soon...

* * *

"— and that's why we'd like to offer you membership, Takamachi-san," Sailor Venus sighed, absently rubbing her still-aching arm, as she finished the explanations for the girl in the puffy white dress and the ferret they had just pretty much corralled on the rooftop. "As long as you find yourself an actual codename first, of course. How does 'White Devil-chan' sound to you?"

"That scythe-y girl didn't even sound all that suspicious yet," Mars was muttering. "Honestly, given how she idiotically jumped the gun like that, she's probably prime hero material…"

"Didn't she simply have the loveliest sad eyes...?" a starstruck Nanoha happily reminisced, a hand to her cheek.

* * *

 **To be Continued**.


	4. Act Two

_Mahou Sensei Negima!_ is the creation and registred property of Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha.

 _To Love Ru_ is the creation and registred property of Yabuki Kentaro, Hasemi Saki and Kodansha.

 _Aa! Megamisama!_ is the creation and registred property of Fujishima Kosuke and Kodansha.

 _Sayonara, Zetsubou Sensei_ is the creation and registred property of Kumeta Koji and Kodansha.

 _Fate/Stay Night_ is the creation and registred property of Nasu Kinoko and Type-Moon.

* * *

 **Life's a Festival.**

 **By OverMaster and Shadow Crystal Mage**.

* * *

 **Act Two: Time for a Change**.

This chapter was brought to you with extra input from Darkenning.

* * *

 _Saturday. Six Days before the Mahora Festival:_

"There is something I would like to ask you," Akemi Homura said coldly. She might have been well aware she was starting the conversation in what had to be one of the worst possible ways. Or she might have not. No one ever said social skills were her strong point. Either way, she would have been unlikely to care whether she was or not.

"Then ask," Skuld Jottunsdottir sighed, with a quietly jaded air of resignation. By now she was beyond wondering why it seemed these conversations always seemed to start the same way.

For a moment, Akemi Homura silently pondered the black haired girl sitting across her and the curiously expectant Kaname Madoka, at the lunch table of the Kaname-Akemi residence. Her face was nearly featureless except for those large, deep purple eyes that bore coldly into Skuld, and Skuld thought it almost looked like Homura-san's mouth had disappeared altogether for the moment. Never a good sign, that. All the same, since Homura-san still wasn't talking after a few moments of that, Skuld felt like tempting fate and asking for some ice cream. If she was going to go, she might as well go on a full stomach.

"Um, Homura-chan," the pink haired woman said, preventing Skuld's incoming and potentially disastrous faux pas. "Do you want me to ask her myself, since you—"

"I'm just considering the best way to ask this, Madoka," Homura said quietly, with a softness that was a far cry from the tone she had used with Skuld only a few moments ago. It was not any more cheerful regardless.

Madoka nodded. "I see. That's a very commendable thing to do, especially when we are dealing with someone of Skuld-chan's stature, but remember, you had plenty of time to ponder that before she arrived. And I know you spent most of that time pacing around and sulking, but I was under the impression you had come to a conclusion on the matter by the time she came."

"If I have such a high stature, why do I get the '-chan' suffix?" Skuld wondered aloud.

The faintest shade of pink appeared on Homura's pale cheeks before the dark haired woman addressed Skuld again. "What are your intentions regarding Makie-chan's Pactio?"

Despite herself, Skuld blinked. She had been expecting for a 'What are your intentions regarding Makie-chan?', but hardly this. Briefly, she turned wary, suspicious eyes to Kaname-san, but she found nothing there but a bland, generic sweet smile of encouragement, and the Norn couldn't help but sigh in exasperation.

"I can't say I intend to ever turn it into a Permanent Alliance, if that's what you're asking," she said. "I'm sorry, but it's hardly advisable for gods and mortals to establish that kind of lifelong links. Since, well, you know, our lives…" She extended her arms open as much as she could, then added, "… your lives." Saying this, she folded her arms, then raised a hand, and showed a tiny gap between her thumb and the pointer finger.

Then Skuld patiently waited for the women's reaction. Surely they would take it well, since she had made sure of explaining it in terms that were as plain and unscientific as possible, even if explaining herself that way downright repulsed her.

Even so, to Skuld's puzzlement, Homura quietly but visibly bristled for a fleeting moment, before calming back down and abruptly asking, "Then why contract with her in the first place?"

"It wasn't my idea, I only had come for a Provisional Alliance with someone else," Skuld protested. "Makie, who was under pressure from unrelated factors and afraid for her life at the time, thought imitating what she had just seen transpiring between that person and me was the best course of action."

"So she kissed you, you didn't kiss her," Madoka piped in before Homura could speak.

Skuld groaned, annoyed. "Yeah, pretty much, you got it."

Madoka sighed in relief. "Good to see she didn't take after Homura-chan, then."

"Hey," Homura-san monotoned before talking to Skuld once more. "Why was she afraid for her life, then, and what were those 'unrelated factors' you talk about?"

"She and her classmates were under attack from a demon horde during their Kyoto field trip, of course," Skuld muttered. "What, didn't she tell you that much?"

"I knew they should've gone to Hawaii," Homura droned. "Didn't I tell you, Madoka?"

"Yes, you told me, Homura-chan," her wife saintly nodded. "Repeatedly, as a matter of fact."

"Exactly. And yet, despite your claim that was against your will, you haven't seen fit to cancel that Alliance between the two of you yet," Homura accused Skuld. "Even though you are two-timing on Makie-chan by also being partners with that other girl."

"A boy, actually," Skuld corrected.

"A boy," Homura agreed. "A boy!"

"Being bisexual is no sin either," Madoka pointed out.

"I'm not bisexual!" Skuld shrieked.

"Don't get me wrong, Skuld-san," Homura said, "All things considered, I feel better about your being partners with Makie-chan than I'd feel if Negi-sensei were her Magister Magi. And if you were to devote yourself exclusively to her, I would have no problems giving your relationship a test period. But, this… I don't think I can accept this."

"We aren't in a romance with each other," Skuld growled.

"So! You are toying with Makie-chan's feelings! And you admit it freely!" Homura said as a scary black aura began surrounding her, a haunting faint music flowing from behind.

"She's always been well aware of that!" Skuld kept on protesting.

 _ **"Then you're making her suffer even worse, by leading her off through the torture of an unrequited love!"**_ Homura replied, strands of her hair beginning to stand up as if to become the extensions of a monstrous dark figure.

"Kaname-san!" Skuld moaned.

Madoka sighed, raised a hand, and firmly slapped the back of Homura's head, who quickly went back to what passed for normal in her, wincing. "Homura-chan! Enough of that already!"

"Thank you," Skuld nodded. "Now, regarding the nature of my relationship with Makie-san, you can rest assured it is merely, we could say, professional."

It was Madoka's turn to glare over the table, even if nowhere as coldly as Homura. "Now, now, Skuld-chan. I love Makie dearly, and I'll be the first one to say she's much smarter than she lets on, but if there's one word that doesn't define her, that's 'professional'."

"What if you're talking about gymnastics?" Homura questioned, still rubbing the back of her own head.

Madoka primly wagged a finger. "The most devoted of amateurs is still an amateur! I'll say otherwise when her hobby starts bringing in money!"

Skuld looked back and forth between them, frowning, before saying cautiously, "What I meant was, we've reached an agreement where our contract stands, because, besides the fact that it is extremely difficult to break a contract with Heaven to begin with, we have a common interest in a certain endeavor."

"What kind of endeavor?" Makie's mothers asked at the same time.

And Skuld sighed again. "Well, if you really need to know…"

* * *

Negi Springfield sat on a bench under a massive cherry tree, ignoring Itoshiki Nozomu's quiet presence literally hanging above him.

Inugami Kotaro, who sat by Negi's side thoughtfully munching on a handful of still steaming meat bun ('cause real men didn't wait for the cooldown, of course, that was for sissies and girls), kept on looking, back and forth, at the child teacher and then at the older, lanky teacher who had hung himself on the tree's upper branches. Finally, the wolf boy sighed and shook his head in disgust.

"I can't decide which one of you is the saddest. Wait, I think I can. Suicide can be honorable at least under some circumstances. Weeping over a full schedule never is," Kotaro observed.

"I'm, I'm not weeping!" Negi said, turning his haunted eyes to Kotaro as his hands still held the Mahorafest schedule notebook, open on a page that showed multiple annotations and tiny cute doodles of girls' heads drawn all over the three days of the event. "I'm just baffled as to how this could come to happen!"

"Well," Kotaro said, "it might have something to do with your refusal to say 'no' whenever a girl came to you asking for you to spend time with them."

"How could I?!" Negi protested. "They're my students! I can't possibly deny them any guidance! I could stunt, stall, or even delay their academic and emotional development! What kind of teacher would I be then?!"

"A normal one?" Kotaro questioned.

"That's not funny!" Negi replied. "God, I hope you never get to be a teacher!" he shook his head in absolute dismay. "You'd be terrible at it!"

Kotaro shrugged after swallowing another mouthful. "I don't think you have to worry about that. Anyway, as long as you don't try to squirm outta our fight, I don't care one way or another. Just commenting."

Negi glanced sideways at him. "What do you mean with 'our fight'? It's not like we're going to be the two only people in that tournament, what makes you so sure we'll be facing each other?"

Kotaro snorted at him. "What, are you telling me we ain't gonna be the two last men standing in the finals?"

"I highly doubt that, by the mere virtue of Saotome-san's father coming along," Itoshiki observed from above. "Not to mention Takamichi might-"

"Isn't your neck too tight for you to speak?!" Kotaro barked up at him.

"- and that's even without going on how Ku Fei-san mustn't have taught Negi-sensei all she knows yet, and Nagase-san surely-"

"I repeat, isn't your neck too tight for you to speak?!" Kotaro said, reaching up to grab one of Itoshiki's ankles and tugging down on his foot.

Negi frowned, then slapped Kotaro's hand off his colleague's foot. He shook his head disapprovingly at the other boy, who pouted petulantly at him.

"What, would you prefer duking it out right now?" Kotaro challenged. "All the better for me! I'm sure anyone else in that tournament could give me a better fight anyway!"

"By now you should know me well enough, Kotaro-kun," Negi coldly said, standing up and taking his jacket off. "If you think I'd ever fall for such shameless baiting, then you can't truly call yourself my rival, as is clearly your intent."

Kotaro sneered as he downed his last meat bun and stood up as well, rolling his sleeves up. "Don't get me wrong, I'm still young and believe in starting small. I'm just using you as a warmup rival while I move up the ladder."

"Don't fight, don't fight," Itoshiki weakly pleaded, but his words passed right over their heads in more than one sense. "Why don't you focus your great power on destroying me instead? It'd do a lot for your budding friendship, and, believe me, for me as well."

"Well, I suppose that, since you're a Mahora student as well now, it falls on any available teacher to discipline you as soon as you step over the proper lines, Kotaro-kun," Negi reasoned while assuming a fighting stance. "I'd fail in my job if I neglected that."

Kotaro chuckled, smashing his knuckles together. "Just don't expect me to moan 'Please teach me, Negi-sensei'! I'm not one those-"

Then a body was violently flung through the air directly onto his back, making him stumble ahead and land on the sidewalk facefirst, greatly startling Negi. "Chao-san!" the boy teacher gasped. "Are you, are you okay?!" he rushed to her side, helping the Chinese girl up even as she already chuckled apologetically, the hand that wasn't holding Negi's rubbing the back of her neck instead.

"- girls who keep getting in our way," Kotaro muttered darkly from the floor, while being completely ignored by Negi and Chao Lingshen, who now stood facing each other, the Welsh boy looking visibly troubled and confused. "I'm fine, by the way, thanks for asking."

"Ah, yes, I am, Negi-bouzou," the black haired girl said, nodding clumsily as smiling in pretty much the same way. "Sorry about that, and, oh, to you too, Inugami-kun, right? Ah, you're here as well, Zetsubou-sensei, how do you do? Looking fine today!"

"Thank you," the adult said without looking down. "Since you're here, Chao-san, could you tie something heavy to my feet? These unruly boys would prefer to fight each other instead."

"Oh, sorry, can't do!" Chao gasped, as if suddenly remembering something very important. She quickly grabbed Negi's hands very tightly, making him blush with cheek stickers identical to her own, while Kotaro stood back up, muttering to himself and eyeing her suspiciously. "You must help me, Negi-bouzou! I'm being pursued by some very strange and threatening people!"

* * *

"I don't agree with that!" Homura protested.

"And I can't say that's a surprise," Skuld said nonchalantly.

Homura stared at her, in that way of hers that was at once chillingly icy and heatedly dreadsome. "Look. I can't say I really care whether that friend, or ally, of yours, succeed at that insane plan or not. But I refuse to let you drag Makie into it. We both do! Don't we, Madoka?"

"Well ..."

"Madoka!"

"Well," her pink haired spouse repeated, then continued, "I don't like it any better than you, but by now, maybe we should be letting her make her own world changing decisions? We did when we were her age."

Homura gave her an aghast look before shaking her head in shaken dismay. "I just can't believe this."

Madoka pouted. "Homura-chan! We never even thought of involving our parents! At least Makie-chan's been honest enough to pull us into her secrets! Don't you think that earns her a little credit?"

"Well, I hated my parents anyway," Homura mumbled to herself, looking rather childlike for a moment as she folded her arms and looked away.

"Just look at it this way," Skuld pointed out, "if every girl in the world knew the truth about magic, then they wouldn't be as likely to fall for Incubators, would they? Not when there are other, safer ways to learn how to perform magic. Maybe we even could make public service announcements concerning Incubators! Oh, a few will still be stupid enough as to fall for it, no offense intended, but you can't really do anything for those kind of people, can you?"

Again, Homura glared at her. "Didn't your people create the Incubators to begin with?"

"That's classified information," Skuld merely shrugged. "I'm only authorized to say, if we had done that, it would have happened long before I took office, and I wouldn't necessarily agree with the concept in the first place."

Then she pulled her laptop on the table, turned it around so its screen faced both women, and said with a wide smile, "I've developed a much better and more efficient long term project to deal with the Entropy matter anyway! Do you have a couple hours? I promise it's completely enthralling! And there'll be lots of highly engaging graphics and statistics!"

Homura calmly reached over, then pushed the laptop closed. "We aren't interested in hearing about anything but Makie."

Madoka nodded. "Fuck Entropy."

Skuld blinked. "Wow. The Precision F Strike. So you are serious. Ahem. Well. Look, Makie already made her mind on the subject, don't you think you owe her some respect for her decisions, after keeping the secrets about her origin from her for so long? I mean, if you really wanted to keep her away from magic so much, you shouldn't have enrolled her in Mahora, and in class A of all places, in the first place, right?"

"Right, because nothing strange and horrible ever happens at CLAMP Gakuen, or Ohtori, or God in Heaven, Honnouji." Homura faintly shook her head.

Madoka, in contrast, nodded. "Better the devil you know than the one you don't. Speaking of which, Homura-chan, are you sure you should be invoking God's name? You are the Devil, after all."

"Retired Devil," Homura primly reminded, pointer finger raised. "The point is, one school has Shadow card games, the other has death matches with Social Darwinism and super powered uniforms, and the third one has Ohtori Akio. And all other schools in this area aren't worth their salt. Where else could we place Makie?"

Skuld nodded slowly. "When you put it that way -" Then her cellphone rang to the tune of some Inoue Kikuko song. "Just a sec, please. Yes? Oh, it's you, Yuuna. No, I'm here with Makie's mothers, not- What? Whaddya mean what am I doing here, why, I am- What's that sound back there? Are you being- What?!" she suddenly screamed, eyes bugging out.

Homura and Madoka tensed immediately.

Skuld clenched a very forced grin, began sweating visibly almost in the spot, and told them, while pushing the cellphone down. "W-Well, heh heh, we might have to cut this delightful conversation short for now. You'll see, it just happens-"

"Where's Makie and what's happening to her?!" Madoka and Homura loomed over her and the table at once.

Skuld cringed and, despite herself, shrunk under their combined shadow.

* * *

"So, what did she say?" Izumi Ako asked as Akashi Yuuna cut the call short, then pocketed the cellphone back into her tight shorts.

Yuuna shrugged as she ran, along Makie and Akira, the latter of whom was in full Sailor Mercury regalia, sporting a perfectly blank expression, and carrying Ako on her back, with the pale nurse holding tightly for dear life. "She said she'd be on her way. Looks like she's with your mothers, by the way, Makie-chan."

Makie gulped. "Oh, geez! Now that... that's scary!"

The five strange figures chasing them along the street might have taken offense to that overheard comment, since they obviously were trying their best to look imposing and threatening, in their long, all concealing white and golden robes with huge wings on their backs, but since their faces were also completely covered by sharp white masks, there was no way to say for sure for any of the curious bystanders taking pictures and gawking in awe as they got out of the pursuit's way, all the while commenting on the street shows outdoing themselves every year.

"Didn't she tell you what are these things?" Ako asked again, her voice a high pitched whine over the mutters and cheers of the crowd.

"No, she didn't! You know how she is!" Yuuna grumbled. "Aki- I mean, Mercury-san, are you sure they aren't-"

"I told you, no, they just don't look evil enough," Akira stoically said, actually trying her best not to leave her other two friends behind in the dust. That was one of the two good things about this whole situation, knowing she could escape as soon as she figured out a way to get the other three girls out of harm's way, hopefully leading the strangers away from them until Minako and Shiho arrived. The other good thing was, at least no one could connect Ookuchi Akira directly with this. That was worth something, right? At least she wouldn't make Mom and Dad concerned, unless the creatures happened to kill her, of course.

"They don't look evil enough?!" Yuuna incredulously echoed.

Akira just nodded. "Once they drop their human disguises, youma look invariably evil and twisted. And while these fellows are certainly stern and dangerous looking, I don't know ... they don't look evil to me. Much like that fire girl I fought at Kyoto... I wonder what's become of her since?"

Yuuna resisted the urge to facepalm while she ran since that never was a good idea.

"Okay, whatever, now call on Negi-kun!" Makie urged. "You're the only one who can, since only you are his Ministra, and he-"

"THAT'S PART OF THE PLAY TOO, PEOPLE!" Yuuna screamed over what Makie said next, then shot the smaller girl a truly fierce stare. Makie only bit her tongue and shrank down apologetically.

And then...

"VENUS LOVE-ME CHAIN!" someone shouted from above, as a chain made of glowing energy hearts descended from a rooftop, slashing across the street right before the silent pursuers, forcing them to stop and look up.

Yuuna and her three friends also came to a halt and looked in that direction. "Venus, Mars!" Akira sighed in relief.

Sailor Venus struck a heroic pose as she stood on the rooftop's edge, cutting an impressive figure under the afternoon's sun, orange miniskirt flapping in the breeze while the crowd below squee'd and began taking pictures of the white leotard that could be clearly seen under said skirt. Next to her, the red-haired Sailor Mars frowned, holding her own skirt down with the hand that was not holding two high heeled red shoes, her feet bare.

"Chasing pretty girls who aren't interested in you is an unforgivable crime of harassment!" Sailor Venus cried out, gesturing grandly. "School festivals shouldn't be about chasing innocents around! That's a perversion of the spirit of Mahora and all it stands for! So Sailor Venus-"

Pause.

Then Minako discreetly elbowed Shiho's chest a few times.

Shiho sighed very deeply. "- and Sailor Mars-" she droned.

"- will punish you in the name of Venus!"

Another pause.

"You're supposed to add 'and in the name of Mars'," Venus mumbled to Mars from a corner of her mouth.

"Like fuck I am!" Shiho protested, then threw one of her shoes down. "Let's just finish this whole mess already!"

The shoe flew down, then imbedded itself, sharp heel first, in the mask of one of the strange pursuers, throwing it back and dropping it on the pavement, lifting dust in all directions.

"... she still hasn't learned how to walk in high heels?" Ako asked Akira.

Akira only shook her head.

"Shut up, you try and to walk in those things, you stupid girl, you!" Shiho madly prattled from above while the downed being stood back up, took hold of the shoe, dislodged it, touched the cracks on its mask, and silently sulked under the seemingly strict gaze of its companions.

Then, as one, they charged again, while Yuuna spun around pulling her guns out, and Sailors Venus and Mars leapt down to join the starting fray.

 _Oboy_ , thought Makie. Mom and Mom would be really upset now.

* * *

"Far from me," Kotaro said while leaping from tree to tree, him, Negi and Chao having chosen to take their own chase into the woods to lead their pursuers away from Mahora campus proper, "to butt in on a lady's business, but why the hell are these guys chasing you anyway?"

"I have no idea," Chao candidly confessed. "I have never seen them before!"

And, believe it or not, that was not a lie, since she was usually chased by the forces of the Mahora staff instead. Well, the first few times at least. After a while, she had wised up and learned to hide her hand from the teachers until the Festival proper started, which annoyingly hadn't helped her in the long run yet, but at least took a few concerns off her mind in the meanwhile. She hadn't been chased before the Festival for a good while, actually. "Although... I might have a few theories, but it'd do no good sharing them now, ne?"

Kotaro gave her an annoyed side glance while the girl smirked sheepishly, a finger on her chin. "Well, can you at least tell us how strong they are? I think we're far enough by now to start kicking the crap outta them."

"They're strong enough to put me on the run," Chao warned.

"That's good enough for me, then," Kotaro announced, dropping off the latest tree and onto the middle of the forest, gesturing for the five masked, robed humanoids with wings coming after them. "Alright, guys, I know you've been waiting for this, and so was I! If you aren't the talking type, fine with me, let's talk through our fists instead!"

Negi came to a halt in the midle of his own sprint to turn back towards the other boy. "Kotaro, no! We don't have an idea yet how powerful they might be!"

"Only one way to find out!" Kotaro howled, claws coming out as he jumped straight into the lead attacker, managing to give it a large slash across the chest. The heavy cloth protecting its body was not even ripped, however, and the creature merely slapped Kotaro away against a tree, making him growl in pain. "Okay, first contact says 'a lot'!" he admitted while landing back on his feet.

Negi took a deep breath while Chao placed herself behind him, striking a kenpo ready pose. The boy mage, on the other hand, lifted his father's fabled staff and chanted, _"Septendecim spiritus aeriales, coeuntes! Sagitta Magica, Series Fulguralis!"_

The seventeen projectiles of light flew from Negi, splitting themselves in mid air as to engage different adversaries at once, but they all were deflected in all directions instantly when strange, pentagonal shields of translucent energy appeared before each pursuer, easily blocking every arrow. Negi cringed while grabbing Chao and jumping back to her, barely dodging the barrage of impacts sent back against them in time. "Gosh! Those sure are good barriers!"

"AT Field?" Chao murmured to herself. "Then, these-"

Negi chanced a very brief glance back at her. "Huh?"

"Nothing!" Chao rushed to reply. "Just be careful, Negi-bouzou! These beings are unlike anything you've ever faced!"

"Well, I wouldn't say that much, Chao Lingshen," a slow, heavy, yet naturally sensual and rich female voice said as the five pursuers took pause, just long enough as to step aside and let a newcomer walk into sight from behind them, fixing fascinating, bright green eyes on the youngsters. "Why, when you get down to it, I'm just like my little sister. Although far more beautiful and powerful, of course," the voluptuous, dark skinned woman who had just arrived added, tossing her short platinum white hair back, forcing a smile that tightly tugged at the corners of her lips. "Surely she's told you kids of me? My name's Urd. Pleased to meet, well, two of you at least."

"A woman. Figured it had to be a dame," Kotaro grunted, slowly walking aside to stand by the frowning, wary Negi, who still wasn't lowering his staff and glared intensely at the stranger.

"Skuld-san only ever mentioned one sister, ma'am," Negi polite but coldly said, "and her name was Belldand- Oh," he quietly said, then slapping himself on the forehead. "But of course! How could I ever be so stupid?!"

"Eh?" Kotaro snorted.

"Urd, Verdandi, Skuld, naturally!" Negi shook his head to himself, blushing brightly. "Where's my mind been lately? Anya would surely laugh at me now!"

"Well, you have been under a lot of stress of late," Chao said.

"I'm afraid you don't even know the half of it, Chao-san," her teacher said, "but even so, that's no excuse for a mental slip of that degree."

"No, seriously, what in the world are you talking about?" Kotaro asked.

"Ahem," Urd rasped into a fist.

The three children looked at her again.

Negi bowed. "I apologize over my oversight, it won't happen again, I don't know Skuld-san's reasons for never mentioning you, but-"

"Ohh, that doesn't matter!" the tall woman in the tight, revealing blouse and hip hugging pants waved a hand in fast acted annoyance, "That's just like her anyway! I just want you boys to step aside and let me take this ... this girl under custody! Okay?"

Chao blinked, made her best wide eyed innocent face, and sheepishly pointed at her own chest. _"... Moi?"_

* * *

Normally, the customers and staff of the Radish Cafe that happened to be conveniently close to the site of the latest Mahora street brawl never paid very much attention to said street brawl. They had been a long standing tradition of the area, and nowadays they usually all were about either Ku Fei schooling a few challengers, Death Glasses Takahata disciplining a few unlucky hooligans, or that weird, goofy vagrant in the pink karate gi challenging someone and having the crap kicked out of him.

Today, however, the situation was different. Students and staff from the other three major schools in the district were there for the Mahorafest, and while those from Honnouji were even more indifferent to random street violence than Mahora denizens, those from CLAMP Gakuen and Ohtori were unused to the sight of battles that didn't involve fencing duels, tankery games, Gundam models, collectible card games, roses, or Brave Duel simulations. Not to mention the visiting parents and other relatives of the Mahora contingent were in the season of watching in horror and gasp at the environment their salaries were buying for their children. A few of them would even consider retiring their children from Mahora afterwards, until they realized their options were, well, CLAMP Gakuen, Ohtori or Honnouji. Then, generally, they would stick with the lesser evil.

The main reason everyone was looking and taking pictures today, however, was the rare presence of Mahou Shoujo in a fight during daytime, in the open. At this rate they would soon have Superman and General Zod fighting at the middle of Mahora.

"So that's Sailor V, huh," Tokiha Mai, who was still fairly new at Mahora herself, blinked as she stood by the window, behind several awestruck customers, in her Radish waitress uniform and holding a large empty tray close to her even larger bustline. "It must be cool having this sort of mutant powers, but... shouldn't we, maybe, evacuate the site LIKE RIGHT NOW?!"

"Eh, you only live once, Mai-san," shrugged the shorter and less busty daughter of the cafe's manager, also Mai's co-worker, leaning closer to the window over a few of her customers, who were being slow but steadily pushed aside by her as she moved. "Be quiet and let us enjoy the show, okay? Besides, it's even more dangerous to go out while this is going on, don't you think?"

Still sitting at her table several meters away, Kuchiki Rukia kept on giving the girl who had just spoken an ongoing series of puzzled, troubled looks, before leaning closer to the apathetic boy sitting across her while stuffing his mouth, and asking him in a low voice, "Hey, Ichigo. Isn't that girl... well, wasn't she supposed to be dead? I could swear we saw her once, hell, we reaped her, for Kami's sake."

Kurosaki Ichigo shrugged and mumbled, "We only handle the reaping. If afterwards they are brought back by a wish on a cursed artifact, Puella Magi contract, or a superhuman punching reality, that's their own problem, not ours. Don't overthink these things, Rukia."

"A superhuman punching reality?" Rukia asked. "What kind of stupid- Wait, no, better yet, what is a Puella Magi supposed to be?"

Two tables away, a little girl around thirteen with dark hair who was sitting with her quiet, busty older sister shuddered briefly.

"VENUS LOVE AND BEAUTY SHOCK!" a voice was shouting outside, and then the whole street seemed to quake.

"Whoa!" said a girl with reddish hair made in two side tails, mouth very open while her black haired mother, bespectacled eagerly tried to take pictures and annotations at once, and her little brother kept on pushing the head of a frog trying to peek out right back into the handbag he was holding. "Now that's power! Did you see that?! She blew that guy right into that lamppost! Awesome!"

"Hey, Nee-san, do you think more Mahou Shoujo could show up before the authorities do?" a busty, bright eyed girl with long light brown hair wearing a CLAMP uniform anxiously asked Mai, while her dark haired, pale and proper looking friend took a delicate hand to her mouth and gasped quietly at the violence unfolding outside.

"How, how could I know?" Mai stammered, eyebrow twitching lightly. "I'm not even sure what other Mahou Shoujo are there around here..."

"Oh!" the other girl smirked, pulling a small booklet out and flipping through it. "The fanzines have all the info you need, then! They gather info about every Mahou Shoujo in the Four Schools Area and have it printed for our convenience as soon as it's hit the Internet! I never leave without one, as you never know when you'll have an encounter with the world of-"

"Mutants! They're mutants, everyone knows that!" someone shouted from the tightly gathered crowd. "Stupid outsiders, just let us watch the fight in peace!"

The girl with the fanzine stuck her tongue out. "Nyah! Good day to you too, mister!"

"Saori-chan, please," her friend sighed, "This isn't the time for scenes... And why not to just carry a laptop around, instead of a fanzine? Isn't that too... well, 20th century?"

Takebe Saori wagged a finger. "Everyone knows the active presence of Mahou Shoujo in a scene often brings massive energy pulses that interfere with Internet transmissions, Hana-chan! Ah! I wish we could also see that mysterious cute blond reaper in black! Or the newest one, Magical Heart!"

"... who?" Mai asked.

The girl who had shuddered moments ago shuddered again.

Her sister raised an eyebrow. "Kokoro-chan? Something wrong?"

The Imouto shook her head nervously. "No, no, it's nothing, Kotonoha-nee-chan, really... Just a passing feeling, that's all..."

Saori gasped and pointed out, even more excitedly. "Oh, look at that! There are more, new ones joining the fight now!" She began to quickly flip through her booklet. "I don't recognize these ones! Oh gosh oh gosh, we might be looking at the actual debut of new Mahou Shoujo, this is so thrilling!"

"I, I heard Magical Patissier is... sort of cool, too?" a tiny, mousey voice said from the back of the group.

Heads were briefly turned to look at the average looking girl with dark brown hair who had just spoken, and who now looked like she wished for the ground to swallow her.

"... who?" Mai repeated herself.

"Ah, no, nothing, forget it, just... there've been some sightings at Honnouji, of someone calling herself that..."

Onodera Haru groaned softly and tugged at the sleeve of her big sister. "Oneechan. On second thought, please let's just go back to our table."

* * *

"I'm sorry, Ma'am," Negi said, valiantly standing his ground, "but even if you are the sister to one of my students, I just can't grant you custody of one of my students without a proper, signed and sealed authorization from the Headmaster himself."

Urd blinked.

So did Kotaro, for that matter. "Um, Glasses," he told Negi, "not that I don't respect your guts just this once, but from what I know about that Skuld girl, you realize you're talking to a goddess, aren't you?"

Negi nodded steadily, his eyes still fixed on the perplexed Urd. "Naturally. Still, the rules I've sworn to uphold apply to everyone. There is no clause saying gods are exempt."

Urd paused as her Angel units looked at each other and her waiting for a confirmation on what to do next. Then she sighed and said, "I have a signed and sealed authorization from our Father Himself, is that good enough for you, squirt?"

"It would be if it came from Chao-san's father, but as it stands, it'd only authorize you to remove Skuld-san from campus grounds, sorry," Negi apologized.

"Oh, in the name of all that's holy!" Urd groaned, reaching into her Victoria's secret compartment and feeling inside, which made Kotaro take a hand to his nose and Negi just keep standing apparently unaffected. "You can't tell me you are going to resist an executive order from Yggdrasil itself! What are you, a demon? An atheist? Just look, I'm sure I have it right here, hmmm." She stopped, and looked at one of her Angels. "Hey, you, do you have it instead?"

The Angel said something that came out highly muffled through the mask.

"Take that darn thing off before answering, you know I can't understand a damn thing when you have it on!" Urd protested. "Geez, it's not like you have secret identities to protect in in this world!"

The Angel nodded, then took the mask off and pulled the also white hood over it back, revealing the pale, gorgeous face of a young woman with short blue hair and quiet, passive red eyes. "I apologize. We have no such written authorization in our power, Lady Urd. Only divine entities are allowed to carry them on their person. Perhaps you left it in your nightstand. Again."

"Dammit!" Urd muttered, quickly pulling a cellphone out and hitting the speed dial. "Satoru? It's me. Look, I think I left a golden envelope in my nightstand drawer, would you be a dear and bring it here? Yeah, I'm at the school. Just use the GPS I gave you, why do I need to give you an exact address? It's there, right? No, moron, don't touch it, you know well Heaven's own touch burns! Damn, I warned you, Satoru! Oh, don't be a baby, just put some lotion on it and grab it with some gloves! Yeah, you can use mine! Just get me that thing on the double, I'm in the middle of important business here!" She cut the call and irritably shook her head. "You can't even get decent fucktoys these days, I tell you!"

"What's a fu-" Negi began before shaking his head himself. "No, forget that, regardless, I'm sorry, but even if they bring you that document, I'm afraid it'll still do you no good unless it comes from the Principal's office. Would you like to call him? That, I can arrange."

"I think I'd prefer it if you didn't, Negi-bouzou," Chao piped in.

"Oh, of course you wouldn't, would you," Urd sneered at her. "You should be grateful, pipsqueak. It's just because of your friendship to Skuld I asked to be sent here instead of Rind. And believe me, then you'd be really sorry! Oh, if you had any idea how many favors I had to pull off for this..."

Kotaro kept on blinking. "Okay, then. Well, if there's going to be no fight, I guess I'll be on my way then."

"Yes, you do that, please," Urd nodded.

"While I'd certainly like it better that way, no one's said for sure there won't be conflict yet," Negi insisted. "Because no matter what, no one will outright kidnap one of my students while I can help it."

Kotaro stared at him, then slapped his own forehead. "When did we go and change places, for Pete's sake?! Look, I'm always up for a good brawl, but I'm also a well raised Shinto, and they teach us to respect divinity, dammit!"

"She's a Norse goddess," Negi pointed out.

"Same difference, we Shinto are very accepting of others' beliefs! That's why we and Buddhists didn't kill each other over control of Japan in the first place!"

"You kids sure are amusing," Urd allowed herself a jaded smirk before being tapped by the unmasked Angel on a shoulder. "Now what, Rei?"

"Mistress," the Angel handed her her own cellphone, "we just got news from the Beta Squad. They have just been engaged by The Pink One and The Black One."

Urd immediately, violently, choked in her saliva.

* * *

It wasn't that Akashi Yuuna was unhappy to see even more people coming from above to join the melee. Even if they were ultimately hostile to them as well, at least it looked like their main target were the strangers who had been chasing her and her friends around, so she figured they could escape in the confusion even in the worst case scenario.

And it was a relief, too; her handguns had proved to be useless on these... fellows, as her father would say, since they just kept on deploying those weirdass fields that gave Yuuna a headache just by looking at them, and her anti-magic bullets would simply bounce off them. She had to wonder if Asuna's harisen would have been effective at all against it, but the last thing she wanted to do right now was pull even more of her friends into this mess.

"Ako," she said, grabbing the sweaty, pale and small hand of the assistant nurse, whom Akira had left behind a well polished mailbox (a relic of the old times left for decoration purposes only for over a decade now). "Let's split now! while they're distracted!"

"Ah? Buh, but Yuuna-chan! Akira -!"

"She'll be okay!" Yuuna insisted, pulling her up to her feet. At least she hoped so. Unlike her own attacks, those of the Senshi had more of an actual effect on those guys, even if they kept on coming back from everything the Mahou Shoujo threw at them. Still, those attacks could at least pierce through their defenses after enough pressure, especially the fire based projectiles of the crazy octopus-haired Senshi.

"FIRE SOUL! FIRE SOUL! FIRE SOUL!" Sailor Mars kept on chanting, again and again bringing her hands together to spam huge figures of flames shaped like demonic crows, repeatedly pushing the Angel unit facing her back and back, visibly draining her more and more by the moment. It was clear she would collapse before long, but Yuuna hoped they could hold their own long enough until the magical teachers arrived to put the kibosh on the whole thing. That was more than could be said about the likes of Ako, which was why Yuuna was so intent on taking her away quickly.

Well, that, and because she wanted to leave before the teachers arrived. Dad might be one of the chosen to sweep the scene up, after all.

It probably would be a moot point anyway moments after, when the two new girls arrived instead. And now they stood there, so small and delicate looking and yet also giving such a strange impression of being larger than life. Especially, ironically enough, the shortest one, the one in pale pink, even down to her hair, smiling faintly while holding a longbow loaded with several sharp arrows at once. The one with long and smooth black hair standing shortly behind managed to draw less attention to herself, somehow, which probably was a good thing seeing how she seeming so uncomfortable with the gazes she was getting.

"Hey! You!" the pink haired newcomer suddenly said, looking towards Makie, who had paused in the middle of aiming her Ball Artifact at one of the Angel units. So far, her attacks hadn't been any more successful than Yuuna's, but unlike Yuuna, she hadn't yet gotten the idea maybe that meant she should stop attempting them already. "Are you okay, Ma- um, Miss?"

"Ah?" Makie blinked a few times, then pointed at herself. "Do you mean me?"

Nod, nod! went the other pink haired girl.

"I'm fine, thank you!" Makie smiled before squinting and glaring really hard at this strange girl. "Do I know you from somewhere?"

"Um-" the girl with the arrows began to say.

"Absolutely not! We are new in this city, and as a matter of fact we're only passing by! We're going to leave real soon!" her partner rushed to answer for her, still intently avoiding looking in Makie's direction. As a matter of fact, she was casually holding a sleeve to her face, as if to shield herself from the sun, the gun in that hand being held up in a way that made people peeking through several windows in neighboring upper stories duck warily.

"Oh," Makie slowly said. Now she looked at Sailor Venus. "Do you know them from somewhere, then?"

"If they were with us, you'd better believe they'd be wearing the proper attire!" Venus protested, tugging down on the edge of her skirt once.

In the meanwhile, the Angel units had huddled together at the other end of the street, coming closer to each other and seeming to conference between themselves, although no sound could be heard coming from them. Perhaps they simply were speaking too softly for human ears at that distance. Whatever the case was, their current attitude was far different from the confident, nonstop attack they had been pressing on the girls until moments ago, and now, despite their featureless masks, they definitely gave the impression that they would never take their sights off the newly arrived duo.

Then they all tensed for a moment, as if sensing a call from somewhere, and instantly vanished in thin air.

"Well," Shiho said. "That was anticlimactic."

* * *

"Report," Urd, with a fist cocked on a hip, coldly told one of the new Angel units who had just arrived out of nowhere, simply blinking into existence at the spot in the woods where Negi and the others were. The boys still held their careful, tense battle ready stances they had struck just as soon as the units appeared, while Chao simply stood behind them, kicking pebbles as she crossed her arms behind her neck.

The Angel unit Urd had addressed began speaking in a tone that was completely unintelligible through the mask.

"Not you too!" Urd shouted. "The mask, you moron, take the mask off!"

The unit nodded, then obeyed, revealing a pale face identical to that of the first unmasked Angel, who by now simply stood aside, extending a hand up and letting a tiny bluebird stand on her fingers while chirping. "I apologize. As informed, the two singularities appeared to further interfere in our apprehension of Chao Lingshen's accomplices. Thus we contacted you immediately, My Lady. Should we return and engage them?"

"Singularities?" Kotaro wondered aloud.

"Accomplices?" Negi said.

"That's such an ugly word to use in this context!" Chao sighed whimsically.

"Further?" Urd inquired.

The unit she had asked this to nodded. "In the middle of our pursuit, we were attacked by two of the current Solar System princesses, those of Mars and Venus. Should we return and engage them as well?"

"Are you nuts?" Urd groaned, beginning to rub her own temples. "That was supposed to be a simple apprehension and extraction job, how could you botch it that much? Honestly, this is why I just don't trust clones."

"Our apologies, but they simply began running away as soon as we commanded them to-"

"You shouldn't have commanded anything in the first place, you should have just dropped on them and taken them down just as soon as you arrived!" Urd reprimanded her. "What are they teaching you at Basic Training?!"

"Actually, Lady Rind says the correct procedure starts with a Cease and Desist order -"

Urd began rubbing her temples in circles again. "And this is why I never applied for the Warfare Department. They have to make such a big fuss of something as simple as wrecking stuff up! Argh! Now look at what you did, of course you'd alert the singularities if you started chasing their daughter, you, you clone!"

"Is everyone okay?" Negi asked.

Urd and the Rei she was talking with looked back at him. Then the Angel nodded. "Affirmative. The battle was short enough no one was seriously injured, although massive public property damage was still a factor."

Negi sighed in relief. "Oh, that doesn't matter as long as everyone's okay! So, um, who are those accomplices you were-"

"Again, I wouldn't call them accomplices!" Chao interrupted with a cute angry pout. "I can't believe you're using such an ugly and dismissive term as well, Negi-bouzou! On your own students, too!"

Negi gave her a bewildered glare. "Chao-san! You're pulling your classmates into delinquent activities?!"

Chao's pout only intensified. "If anything, we're the complete opposites of delinquents! We are angels of selfless mercy!"

"Cough cough," went the Reis.

"You're nurses?" Kotaro asked slyly.

"Well, one of us is, ne."

"You've dragged Ako-san into this?!" Negi gasped aloud.

Urd threw her hands up. "You know what, let's call it a day for now. We weren't supposed to deal with the Pink and the Black, so we'll have to pull back until we're told what our next move supposed to be after this. But remember this, Chao Lingshen! Don't even start thinking you're off the hook yet!"

Chao shrugged. "I never think that, yo."

"Who are the Pink and the Black?" Negi said. "Honestly, people are never that secretive with me unless they're talking about sex!"

Silence fell all over the clearing.

Negi stomped his foot down. "Well, I don't understand the specifics, but I know they're talking about sex! I think."

Urd began gesturing with a hand in growing frustration before simply shaking her head and exhaling, lowering the hand. "I'll let you settle this amongst yourselves for the time being. Skuld likes playing to be the Woman with the Answers, so why don't you start asking her? You're more likely to get answers from her than from this troublemaker here."

Chao kept on pouting. "I fix problems, I never start them! Negi-bouzou, are you going to believe a suspicious woman with a god complex dressed that way on high school grounds while commanding a squad of clones trying to kidnap your students and fighting Magical Girls, or me?"

"..." Negi said. "Well, when you put it that way..."

"Hey!" Urd groaned. "Okay, I might be a little bit naughty and proud of it, but I'm still a perfectly okay person, I mean Goddess, of a high moral caliber!"

"Boss," said a young man who had just arrived in a bike, softly stopping by her side and tapping her on a shoulder with a golden envelope. "Boss, I'm here as you asked!"

"Not now, Satoru!" she fiercely growled at him while snatching the envelope away. "I can't believe you've got the gall to show up now, after everything's done! Now what use do I have for this anyway?!"

"Boss, I had to drive through the whole city, and then these woods," the young biker who remarkably looked a lot like Keiichi-san in Negi's perplexed opinion moaned, with the voice of a highly downtrodden man (even in that, so much like Keiichi-san!) "And I even had to work my way around a blockade, because there was some big fight involving Magical Girls in the middle of-"

She began walloping him over the head with the envelope. "Shut up, shut up, if I wanted to hear excuses I'd have asked for them instead of for this!"

"Who are you," Kotaro asked him, "and why are you wearing women's dominatrix gloves?"

"What's a dominatrix?" Negi asked. "And, I feel like I should add, how do you know what is that to begin with?"

"You don't know a lot about the type of places bad guys with bounties on their heads like to hide, do you?"

* * *

Elsewhere, the dark haired girl in the short skirt and the very tall black stockings sighed for the shortest moment, almost breaking the cool, unflappable image she had been giving until now, and which was making a lot of the people watching and taking pictures in the crowd to swoon, much to the disturbance of others.

"Be thankful it was anticlimactic," she told Sailor Mars. "Climaxes in this business are dangerous, deadly things. Most often involving heart-wrenching, painful sacrifices for the good of mankind."

"That sometimes are rendered pointless by the well-intentioned interference of adorably misguided people," her partner in light pink dutifully added.

The first mysterious Magical Girl gave her a look. "It worked out in the end, didn't it?"

Shiho grimaced, then looked at Minako. "I want out."

"For the last time, that's not an option anymore!" Venus told her, then took two fingers to her own forehead and sighed. "Never mind, let's just go home already. I'm not even in the mood to question you guys anymore. Shoo, shoo, just enigmatically vanish away leaving behind a cryptic message and hinting we'll meet again. That's the proper protocol for these things, after all!"

The very short girl with pink hair gasped at that. "What? No! What kind of twisted, unreliable Mahou Shoujo racket are you running in this world?!"

"Eh?" Minako snorted.

"Are you sure we haven't met before?" Makie hummed, squinting again to take a very close look at the other pink haired girl's face, before being grabbed from behind and grabbed back by a mortified Yuuna.

"Maki-chan," Akashi-sensei's daughter said, "Enough already, okay? Any moment now, the you-know-whos will arrive to interrupt this, ahem, amateur film we've ran into, and then we might get into a mess because we aren't official part of any movie club, and Dad-"

"Yuuna?" a dismayed voice said from the other end of the street.

Akashi Yuuna's skin crawled.

Because she had recognized the voice instantly, and even though she already was pulling the long overcoat tightly around her scantily clad body, trying to pull its neck up to hide as much of her face as she could, she knew, even from behind, that person had recognized her as well.

Standing on the sidewalk, with an awkward looking Takane D. Goodman and Sakura Mei right behind him, Akashi Wataru, just arrived to the scene and ready to clean any mess and wipe any memory he had in the line of duty, couldn't have been ready for that. To find his own daughter at the middle of a public incident involving magical vigilantes, and worst of it all, wearing that kind of tight shorts, and really, that top!

And with a gun in a hand!

"Oh, hey," Makie was waving at him, in a pink leotard that wasn't much more modest than Yuuna's attire. "Good afternoon, Sensei! We're filming a student movie!"

A moment later an angry Yuuna was punting her ass, hard.

"DID I ERR?!" Makie whined, unknowingly showing her generic heritage from long ago, from a time where her ancestors roamed the world braving danger and looking for cheese dip, always with a wide confident smile and not a whole lot of common sense...

[[Mako Voice]].

But that is another story. And that story, and the one of how Makie would become a Princess by her own hand, shall also be told.

[[/Mako Voice]].

* * *

"It is a nice house, for a bachelor's house," Sailor Mars felt like observing, since nobody else was talking yet and the whole situation was getting unbearably tense. "Um, I mean, a widower's house, right? Um, sorry about that. Um, maybe I should be shutting up," she added, with far more insight than usual in her. Maybe her new responsibilities were helping her in at least one sense.

Sailor Mercury sat at her right and Sailor Venus, scowling, sat at her left, with Artemis sitting on Venus' lap. At Mercury's other side sat that plain and pale friend of hers Shiho didn't like one bit, and then her other two friends, the annoying twit with pink hair and the loudmouth who dressed like a skank and liked to shoot around like a damn Yankee. Not at all like Mana-Oneesama's calculated and precise shooting, where no aim was ever wasted.

Shiho still thought Mana-Oneesama was kind of a bitch herself, but she couldn't deny her efficiency.

At the other side of the table sat the owner of the house, who just accepted Mars' praise with a stoic nod while mercifully ignoring the rest of her remarks. At his left sat that bitchy Sempai who always ended up stripped when she nosed into Mana-Oneesama's jobs, which actually was always hilarious for Shiho to watch, and her obviously lesbian apprentice, who was around Shiho's age and actually studied in the classroom next door to hers. They both sat in an uncomfortable and wary silence, which was par for the course for the latter but not at all for the normally mouthy and arrogant former. At his left sat the annoyingly mysterious Magical Girls who had helped out against the even more annoyingly mysterious attackers who had ambushed Mercury and her stupid friends. For some reason, the one with black hair kept on staring firmly at a creeped out Artemis.

Shiho sighed to herself as she realized that, sadly, she didn't know a lot of people she actually liked. Probably could count them with the fingers of a hand and there would still be a few to spare.

How heartbreaking, in a way.

"We were filming a movie, really," Sasaki Makie insisted. She just didn't get it. After everyone in Ala Alba, Yuuna-chan included, had insisted so much on her saying that whenever their magic was found out, why was Yuuna-chan now upset at her when she did just that?

"When," Akashi-sensei asked his daughter, "did this start?"

"Um, well," Makie intervened. "You see, it was something we decided just last week, while trading ideas on what to do for the festival, and Madoka-chan was nearby, and commenting on how Sarumiya-sempai was thinking of making a student movie, so we thought-"

"It began during the trip to Kyoto," Yuuna sourly, grimly replied, not meeting her father's gaze. "It's a very long story, but the basic gist is, Konoka was kidnapped and a few of us set out to save her. It was then where I learned Negi's secrets and I had to make a Provisional Alliance with him."

"Yuuna-chan!" Makie gasped. "How can you say those kind of bold faced lies to your own dad!"

"Maki-chan, please," Ako groaned weakly. "Just stop it already, I beg you."

"I see," Professor Akashi said, just as grim and sourly.

Now Yuuna lifted her face just enough as to look at his face. "What are you expecting? An apology? I did what I had to do. Much like yourself, I guess, right?"

"I can't say I'm pleased, do you think you really can blame me?" her father exhaled deeply. "Yuuna, what do you think will happen to you and Negi when the Headmaster inevitably hears about this? Do you think that doesn't worry me more than anything else, included what will happen to myself?"

"Um, he already knows, if that's what worries you," Yuuna said.

Wataru paused. "Excuse me?"

Yuuna nodded. "He already knew everything by the time we made it back. Was very thankful, too. Even gave us some money."

"WHAT?!" Makie screamed. "He never gave ME any money, that cheeky old cagey grandpa!"

Yuuna shrugged. "Maybe he only repaid those who were partners with Negi-kun?"

"That's unfair!" Makie whined. "Is it because I kissed a girl instead? He of all people can't complain about girls who kiss other girls!"

"Has Konoka-san kissed Setsuna-san yet?" Ako asked, her curiosity piqued while Akira facepalmed.

"If she hasn't yet, I figure it's only a matter of time!" Makie shrugged.

Akashi-sensei was staring into the distance, or rather the wall, blankly now. "He knew... And he never told me... What, this, why this... betrayal..."

Slowly, eerily, his eyes shifted aside towards the suddenly cringing Takane and Mei, despite the fact the rest of his being remained motionless.

"Forgive us, please, Sensei!" Takane begged, closing her eyes and slamming her hands together before her face. "We only followed the proper procedure of never mentioning such matters to anyone unless absolutely necessary!"

"We never were even sure you hadn't been told, seriously, how would we know one way or another?!" Mei sobbed, clumsily copying her Sempai's gestures.

Akashi's eyes moved back towards the wall, as he slumped down flaccidly in place. "So, wherever I look, it's all the same, everyone keeping secrets about my flesh and blood from me."

"Well, that might be simple karma at work," Yuuna mumbled under her breath.

Akira discreetly pinched her arm. "Yuuna-chan. That was mean and uncalled for."

Yuuna just took it like a woman while wrinkling her nose.

"Please understand her, Akira-chan," Makie told Ako. "Any girl would be upset at learning her parents would be keeping secrets from them! Like, let's say, her parents being Magical Girls themselves, or having dropped a twin sister of their daughter in another dimension."

"Eeeeehhhhh?" Shiho said, her pigtails taking the shape of question marks.

"Why are you calling her Akira, her name is Sailor Mercury, she's never been any Akira!" Sailor Venus protested, while Akira resorted to facepalming again, this time even more miserably.

The Mysterious Mahou Shoujo with dark hair flinched a few times despite her cold composure, but the saintly smiling pink haired partner just asked Makie, "But, don't you think those parents would also be pitiable if their daughters were keeping secrets from them, like kissing people and risking their lives behind their backs?"

"Poo," Makie waved a hand, "it's not the same thing at all! Obviously the girl is much more of a victim!"

Silence.

"What?" Makie said. "She would be, wouldn't she? Anyway, this is all pointless because this is all really only a movie, and this Sailor Mercury is only Akira-chan in a costume, and Sailor Venus is her voleyball playing friend, and Sailor Mars is Mana-san's helper at the shrine."

"Sasaki-san, please," the teacher inhaled, "don't try and insult my intelligence. For starters, I've dealt several times with Tatsumiya-san and her assistant, and there is no way this girl can be her. Munakata-kun is much shorter, and much more childlike, with a far whinier voice and-"

Then he paused, realized the sinister black aura flowing from the glowering Sailor Mars and, being no stranger to being in that very same kind of situation with women, wondered aloud, "It is Munakata-kun, isn't it."

At this point even Venus had to nod, while Mars ground her teeth together and seethed venomously from between them.

The pink haired Mysterious Magical Girl sighed. "Okay. You win, Makie-chan. We aren't making any of this any easier by keeping more secrets from you even now. The truth is... I'm your mother."

"What," Shiho said, abruptly breaking from her teeth grinding and seething.

Ako choke violently in her own saliva.

"... whu?" Mei babbled, her eyes reduced to dots.

"... huh?" Takane added, reaching over to tightly squeeze her hand.

"Nothing shocks me anymore," Wataru decided very blandly.

"Oh, I knew I knew you!" Makie only nodded, sounding completely vindicated. "And you are Homura-mama, aren't you?" she asked the Mysterious Dark Haired Magical Girl.

The Mysterious Dark Haired Magical Girl simply pulled one of her small handguns out and aimed it at her own temple, but Madoka gently made her lower it back at once. "Yes, she is," she confirmed, "and these are our real forms. I suppose we should explain a few things for the whole lot of you now. But first a warning. A lot of the pleasure of any story is the questions left unanswered. Most of those questions from the previous story will now be told, and even though there may be new questions raised to replace them, it might ruin your enjoyment of that older tale. Knowing this, decide if you really want to proceed."

"Proceed to what!?" Takane asked.

"What previous story?!" Shiho asked.

"Sorry!" Madoka apologized, lightly bopping herself on the head with a fist. "Sometimes I forget quotations lose so much when taken out of their original context!"

"Madoka, you aren't Sanjou Kozue," Homura reminded her, "Thank goddess."

"Who, who is Sanjou Kozue?" Mei whimpered, eyes almost spinning in place.

"All right," Madoka said. "We begin not too long after the last story ended, in a certain dorm room."

"YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN!" Takane pointed out.

* * *

"Now what are you guys doing here?" an annoyed Asuna asked after emerging from the toilet to find Negi, Kotaro and Chao in her living room, the wolfboy already stuffing his mouth with the snacks a smiling Konoka was serving them from one of those trays she always kept at hand for such situations. Always somehow managing to keep them well hidden from Asuna, of course, much to the latter's frustration. "Wait, I know, something went wrong with the haunted house, didn't it? I'll be there with you in a-"

Negi quietly raised a hand to interrupt her offer. "That's very generous from you, Asuna-san, but we only wanted for a place where to discuss a few things with Chao-san. Things you and Konoka-san might be interested in hearing about, as well."

"What?" Asuna blinked before squinting and frowning. "Are you sure that's something you couldn't be discussing over at Chao's? Or in your own room, for that matter?"

Kotaro shrugged between chews. "Negi doesn't want to disturb his missus unless totally necessary. Always scared of her, yanno."

"I'm not!" Negi said. "And don't call her my 'missus', either! Please show her some respect!"

"Yeah, scared the hell out of her," Asuna confirmed with a nod, while sitting by Konoka's side. "Okay then, so tell me why we must get your fat out of the fire this time. What have you done now, Chao-san?"

"I'm only a victim of circumstances!" Chao said, a hand on her own heart. "I was harassed and chased around with no good explanation whatsoever!"

Negi nodded and added, "And it was Skuld-san's older sister who did it. Who vanished away after facing us, still giving us no good explanation about what she wanted from Chao-san."

"So go talk it over with Skuld-san, then," Asuna said before remembering something. "Wait, isn't that sister of hers some sweet angel of utimate purity she's always praising? Doesn't sound like the type to go around chasing people, even if those people are Chao."

"What have I ever done to you?!" Chao wanted to know.

"Different sister," Kotaro said. "And Negi here thinks that goddess classmate of yours... wouldn't want to be that open about it either. Mysterious ways they move, and all that. So, since Konoe-san is the Headmaster's granddaughter, and you're some sort of important person if what the old demon hinted at is true -"

"- we thought you should be two of the first to learn of what's going on before we consider whether sharing it with the rest is for the better," Negi finished for him.

Asuna took a hand to her scalp and scratched. "Especially before facing Chisame's nagging, huh? To be fair, now I understand how she must always feel when you're taking your crap to her. Dammit, why not taking it to Eva first anyway? She'll be so pissed off when she learns you went to us before consulting her, and she'll find a way to blame me!"

"Asuna, please, you should feel honored they think of us this highly," Konoka gently chided before smiling sweetly at Chao, her chin resting on a hand. "We'll be glad to help you, Chao-san! So just tell us what is bothering you and why those overbearing divine people were bothering you!"

Chao blinked. "How did you know there were more than one?"

"Silly, why would a goddess move around Earth chasing wealthy martial artists without extra help to show off?" Konoka lightly laughed. "That doesn't sound very logical, doesn't it?"

"Uhhhh," Chao said, wondering how even now Konoe always found ways to surprise and puzzle her. "I'm telling you, I'm not very sure of anything myself-yo. I don't know what you expect me to say."

"Please tell us tell us tell us, we can't help you otherwise, please tell us!" Konoka began cooing oh so adorably, leaving closer to the increasingly concerned Lingshen.

"Oh," Asuna said softly. " _Now_ I understand why you came to us first." She gave Negi a subdued accusing look. "You are a crafty little evil thing pretending to be a saint, you disgusting little troll, you."

"I have no idea what are you talking about, please don't disrespect your teachers like that," Negi piously said while ignoring the far more barbed stares Chao was giving him now.

"Pleasepleasepleaseprettypwettypweeze…?" Konoka kept on cooing, with her small fists balled up under her chin and her eyes now huge and starry, positively shiny, beaming bright rays of sunshine and warmth into the Chinese girl's own soul.

"Ugh, okay, you win, please stop doing that," Chao requested, placing a hand on Konoka's face and then pushing her back. "This is why Skuld's sister was after me."

She reached into a pocket of her jacket and pulled out a heavy looking golden watch with a long chain attached to it, extending it right before Negi's face.

Negi blinked. "Are you serious, Chao-san? Is this supposed to be a holy relic stolen from—"

"I'm no thief, I'm a woman who has earned her fortune working hard the good old honest way!" Chao protested.

"W-Well, I didn't mean that," the boy mage said, "I only was thinking a relic that someone else might have stolen could've fallen in your hands, and—"

Chao shook her head. "I invented this dazzling piece of machinery myself! It's my own and exclusive brainchild, a revolutionary breakthrough that will change forever the way mankind thinks about time-yo!"

"Well, yeah," Asuna observed, "I hate breaking this over to you, but someone beat you to inventing the watch by, I don't know, thirty thousand years?"

"Cute, Asuna-san, cute!" Chao chuckled. "Ufufu, no, this is far more than meets the eye! Don't let its humble appearances fool you! This deceivingly simple design hides an amazing dispositive that will allow its user break through the barrier of time!"

Negi, Kotaro and Konoka gasped. "A time machine?!" they said as one.

Asuna just frowned. "Okay, yeah, well, that's a funny one, Chao. Look, it's not that I think time travel is impossible. We've met travelers from other dimensions, and the you from the other world said she came from their future. For all I care you come from century twenty-four-and-a-half too, but please don't tell me you came here through a watch!"

"Why not?" Kotaro asked her.

"Because you can't just stand on a watch without breaking it, duh!" Asuna told him. "And everybody knows, a time machine works by standing on its platform so it sends you to the past! Or at the very least, it's a cool flying car or one of those old things people used to send phone calls before the Smartphone! I mean, I thought you watched TV and movies!"

Konoka, Negi, Chao and Kotaro stared blankly at her. "What?!" Asuna said. "Anyway, even if that thing works, what does it have to do with Skuld's sister chasing you around?!"

"Those who would call themselves 'gods' claim exclusivity over the domain of time," Chao alleged, "and they won't allow us to manipulate the timestream-ne. They would deny mankind the right to navigate through the endless oceans of time and evolve into a superior, enlightened race! What a great hubris, pretending to establish a singular domain over—"

"Okay, great achiever who makes the gods afraid," Asuna challenged, "if your gizmo is so fantabulous, then let's see how it works. It must be some hot stuff if it sends the armies of Heaven on your tail!"

"I can't show you yet," Chao replied immediately. "My precious Cassiopeia works on precisely detailed specifications-ne? I mean, it's not like sending individuals beyond the barriers of time is an easy, everyday occurrence, even for the likes of me! Gathering enough magical power as to even allow the miracle to come to pass is an incredible feat on itself!"

"So," Kotaro summed up, "they'd catch and toss you in Heaven's Jail over a time machine that doesn't even work?"

"It works perfectly!" an offended Chao snapped. "It's just there's not enough magic around at the time to power it up correctly! However, during the School Festival, the World Tree should provide enough mana into these grounds as to allow for time displacement through Cassiopeia. In the meanwhile, Negi-bouzou, I'm entrusting Cassiopeia upon you, ne?"

"M-Me?" he doubted, as she placed the shiny object on his waiting hands. "Don't get me wrong, I'm honored you'd trust me with something so… important, but why me?"

"Well, Asuna would only make ill use of it, to go visit American gangsters during the Prohibition era…" Chao began.

"That's wrong, I wouldn't!" Asuna claimed, her cheeks flaring.

Konoka frowned a little. "Chao-chan, you aren't just endangering Negi-kun, Chisame-chan and Hakase-chan by leaving this thing with them, are you?"

"No, I'd never do it if I thought they'd be in risk!" Chao said quickly. "Believe me, I'd die if Negi-bouzou ceased to exist! That's how badly I'd take it! Besides, their problem's with me and nobody else. They wouldn't dare to hurt Skuld-chan's teacher, ahahaha!" she laughed, patting Negi on a shoulder several times.

The boy pondered that in silence and ended up nodding. "Well, if that means so much for you… Holding on it over a few days, until the Festival is over, I don't think there should be any trouble with that…"

"Famous last words…!" Asuna and Kotaro sing-sang together.

Unfortunately for everybody involved, Negi was Negi and failed to pay them any attention.

* * *

"Well, she's impressive, I'll give her that much," Asuna said after Chao and Kotaro were gone. "We didn't get any further info from her than that. Other than 'Because Science', which to be fair is probably a perfectly good explanation from her perspective, we don't know exactly why she thought it'd be a good idea to invent a time machine, or if she's from the future as well, nothing! I'd never met anyone who could stand the horrors of a second session of Konoka's Niceness Questioning!"

Konoka, meanwhile, sat nearby while holding a small mirror closely before her face, carefully examining her own features. "What went wrong?" she wondered aloud. "I should have gotten something, anything, out of her. Be honest, please, have I changed at all? Maybe... maybe I'm not as cute as before?"

"What?" Negi snapped back to attention from his troubled thoughts, stuffing the Cassiopeia watch he'd been examining into his breast pocket. "No, Konoka-san! You're just as cute as ever! That is, I'd say you get even cuter every day!"

Konoka blinked, looked towards him, and smirked cattily. And cutely. "Whyyyy, Negi-kuuuuun! Don't tell me you're going to take Grandpa on that offer!"

"Wha?!" Negi squealed, eyes bugging out.

"Konoka," Asuna dryly said.

Konoka took a hand to her own cheek and giggled. "Because I wouldn't mind at all! I'll feel a bit sorry for Chisame-chan, but well, she has Tsunetsuki-sempai, so she'll endure, right?"

"Wha?!" Negi repeated himself, growing redder.

"Konoka. That isn't funny," Asuna warned.

Konoka began cooing as her hand rubbed the cheek. "I'm so honored, really! I'm sure we'd make a lovely couple!"

"... what about Setsuna-san?" Negi finally finished his stuck sentence, far more quietly.

Asuna's pigtails stood in point. "Don't tell me you're taking her seriously!"

Negi gave her a helpless look. "Of, of course not, that'd be improper between a student and teacher after all, I'm only asking what she'd do about-"

"I'll tell you when you're older, Negi-kun," Konoka wagged a pointer finger, seemingly satisfied. "Well, you can read minds, can't you? If you're so worried about Chao-chan and what she's up to, then just touch her and read her thoughts!"

"I couldn't!" Negi protested. "That'd be an unforgivable violation of Chao-san's privacy!"

"Geez, you're sure hard to please," Konoka pouted. "In that case, just make a Pactio with Nodoka-chan so she gets a mind reading book like Psycho Purple-san's. Then she can do it for you!"

"I'd still be responsible!" Negi cried, arms flailing around.

"Do all of your answers for Negi's troubles involve him kissing or marrying someone?" Asuna asked her roommate.

"Of course," Konoka matter-of-factly stated. "The Power of Love solves everything, you know."

Negi sighed, shaking his head and getting back up, reaching for his jacket. "Never mind. Sorry for making you waste your time, and thanks for your efforts anyway. I see I'll have to find another way to get through Chao-san and Skuld-san before they do anything they might regret. I'm sure Skuld-san will be more reasonable in this instance."

Asuna half-chuckled. "Skuld. Yeah. Right."

It was Negi's turn to pout. "All the same, Asuna-san, Konoka-san, I'd be thankful if this stayed a secret between us for the time being. I don't want to involve anyone else, especially Satomi-san, before I learn exactly what are we dealing with."

"Oooooh, a secret between us!" Konoka batted her eyelashes teasingly. "Yet another step towards our union, Negi-kun! You sure know how to play a girl!"

"Konoka!" Asuna huffed in frustration, before frowning at Negi. "As for you, brat, you know I don't like being your secret keeper. I think Chisame should be told, at least. I mean, she's your caretaker! I won't feel right keeping this from her!"

"I'd bet she'd do it to you if your roles were reversed," Konoka mused aloud.

"Well, yeah, I don't care, because I'm not her kind of person!" Asuna protested. Before Negi could interject about not judging Chisame that way, she turned back to him. "Until this weekend," she warned him. "That's all I'm giving you as a proof of my good will. If by then you haven't settled things with Chao, I'm telling Chisame, because she's the only one who can stop you from doing stupid risky things! Sometimes."

Negi nodded. "Fair enough. Thank you again, Asuna-san. Konoka-san," he quickly bowed and left before Asuna could find anything else to tell him.

Konoka giggled again. "That's the most lovely thing about boys, isn't it? How they can get themselves so tangled in their own problems like that."

"Yeah, lovely," Asuna grunted. "And without us, how could they ever get themselves outta them?"

"So," Konoka suggested, "it falls on us to help our Negi-kun out of this as best as we can..."

"'Our' Negi-kun?" Asuna hummed darkly.

Konoka smiled and lightly punched her on an arm. "Fine. Just mine, then."

"That's not what I meant!"

"Okay, okay! Ours, in that case! Geez, Asuna, make your mind up already!"

"Grrrrr!"

* * *

 **To be Continued**.


	5. Act Three

Kishimoto Masashi and Shueisha created and own _Naruto_.

Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha created and own _Mahou Sensei Negima!_

Spike Chunsoft and Kazutaka Kodaka created and own _Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc_.

 **WARNING:** This chapter contains a few graphic scenes not intended for readers under eighteen years old or those adverse to explicit adult fiction.

To know what's plaguing Asakura and Natsuki through their frequent spells of distraction in this episode, you could check fellow fanfic _Further Side Conquests of an Accidental Stud Monkey_ out. The circumstances behind what's happening in this story have changed slightly since I wrote that, but all that happened to the Kazumi and Kuga of the parallel world still holds up just the same.

This chapter also was brought to you with extra input from Darkenning.

* * *

 **Life's a Festival.**

 **By OverMaster and Shadow Crystal Mage**.

* * *

 **Act Three: Everyone's Coming Together**.

* * *

 _Sunday. Five Days before the Mahora Festival:_

Konoha.

A town lost amidst the tallest mountains of Japan, a site of mystery and tradition away from most tourist routes and access to large urban centers.

The few outsiders who would occasionally wander in would just take a few pictures of the weird local Mount Rushmore, ask a few questions about it ("Who are those people supposed to be?" invariably being the first one), get a few well-learned evasive answers from whoever they were addressing, be given a boring tour of the surroundings, and then leave quickly swearing to never return to such a stagnant, unremarkable backwater place (unless they decided it was a good place to bring someone they planned to murder, in which case BOY were they in for a surprise).

It was still a nice village to live in whenever it wasn't being attacked by enemy ninja, kaijuu or pirates. It was just its citizens really wanted to keep it that way from any intruders and Lexmall franchises.

So the local leader wasn't exactly surprised by the boy's reaction, even if his way of voicing it still annoyed her.

"I don't want to, datebayo!" Uzumaki Naruto bluntly said. "Believe it!"

Tsunade stared at him over her desk. "Have you ever been to Mahora before?"

"No, dattebayo," Naruto truthfully replied. "Believe it!"

"Do you even know what Mahora's like?" she added.

"No idea at all, dattebayo," he candidly answered. "Believe it!"

"Then," the busty blond woman currently occupying the seat of the Konoha Hokage (officially the post of Mayor for the outside world) told him, "why don't you want to go? And for goodness sake, stop saying that just to piss me off! It's inane!"

He blinked his large baby blue eyes, which looked so odd on him now he was older and so much taller. "Because I've still got so much to do here, datte– ?"

"Finish that word and I'll surgically remove your tongue so you can never taste ramen again," she said flatly. His hands snapped up to cover his mouth, as if afraid she planned to do that on the spot.

"Like what?" Tsunade asked him.

"Well, now Sasuke is—"

"Already taken care of," she matter-of-factly replied.

"But Sasuke—"

"Don't worry about him."

"It's-It's not that I'm worried about him or anything, but Sasuke—!"

"Sasuke will be fine, just like you will, but right now I think you need a vacation from Sasuke-related matters," the Hokage insisted.

Haruno Sakura, who sat by Naruto's left, shook her head in faint disapproval. "I can't believe it, are you that reluctant to see poor Kaede-chan again? You hate her or something?"

Naruto blinked and looked at the pink haired kunoichi. "What does Kaede-chan have to do with this? Just because I don't want to go there right now, that doesn't mean I have anything against her! She always can visit whenever she wants!"

"She can't," Sakura disagreed, "because she's supposed to be studying there, you know! She's not our trained puppy who should drop whatever she's doing to travel across the country for us whenever we're missing her!"

"Well, I can't drop the Sasuke matter right now either!" Naruto protested.

"Listen, Naruto-kun," Tsunade frowned. "We've just reached a temporary peace among the villages, but the echoes of the War were so big they reached out to the rest of Japan. Our civil contractors aren't happy, they feel we threatened the stability of the whole country. In this context, keeping ties of good will with the outsiders is important, and outsiders don't get much more important than the Kanto Association and their leader."

"Who is also the Headmaster of Mahora Academy," Sakura said with a studious tone and formal nod.

Tsunade nodded back at her student. "Not only that, but representatives of all other major schools in the area, CLAMP, Ohtori and Honnouji, will be there too, including the daughter of Kiryuuin Ragyo herself."

"Who's Kiryuuin Ragyo?" the annoyed Naruto asked.

Sakura reached over to tug on the orange sleeve of her jacket. "Just the woman who manufactures pretty much all clothes in Japan, including everything you're wearing, that's who!"

"Big deal," Naruto sighed, then felt slightly guilty over his lack of cooperation when he noticed the glances Hinata was giving him from the chair at his right. No doubt she felt he was being an unhelpful jackass, he thought, completely missing her point for a freaking chance. "Okay, fine, if that's so important for you, and it'll be only a weekend, I'll do it."

"Excellent!" Tsunade smiled. "Sakura-chan and Hinata-chan will go with you as well!"

While Hinata's face lit up in a blush and smile Naruto once again completely missed on, Sakura gasped. "B-But Sensei! We've just retrieved Sasuke-kun—!"

"Already taken care of," she matter of factly replied.

"But Sasuke-kun—!"

"Don't worry about him, he's well past the stage where he would gladly move for the kill on a former teammate who still has the hots for him, or something else completely hypothetical like that."

"It's-It's not that I'm worried about his mental or legal state, but Sasuke-kun—! Listen, why not to send Lee-kun instead? His cousin Karasuma studies there, he told me so! Besides, Tenten can go with him, she's professional and never causes any problems, and anyway their team is on standby until they find a replacement for—"

Naruto nodded firmly. "That's a great idea, Sakura-chan. Just send Lee and Tenten over, Obaa-san!"

Tsunade simply stared icily at them.

"I mean," Sakura argued, "I get why you'd think you need Naruto's abilities with people, dubious as they can be, for the job. I've gotta admit, when he does the job, he really pulls it off." As Naruto basked on the praise ignoring the slight, she continued, "Besides, seriously, who's going to take care of Sasuke-kun while we're away? Ino? KARIN?"

"..." Tsunade said.

"Oh my God," Sakura cringed, "it's Ino and Karin, isn't it? Sensei, do you think there's any way that's going to end up well?!-?!"

"It'll be just for a weekend, what's the worst that could happen?" Tsunade waved a hand around.

Naruto, Idiot Hero as he was, narrowed his eyes. "Someone who holds the rank of Hokage should never say something like that..."

"It's not like there's a rule or anything," Tsunade said dismissively.

Naruto pointed to the side where a big motivational– or demotivational, depending on your point of view– hung. Beneath the large words that read 'A Hokage Should Never… ' the words 'Ask what's the worst that could happen' were nestled between 'Institute a state religion' and 'Allow a furry convention'. "Actually, it kinda is."

"Besides," Tsunade said loudly, flipping through a Mahora Tour booklet, "this will be a golden chance to widen your horizons and education. Have you heard the legends of Mahora's World Tree?"

As Hinata blushed further and her interest perked, and Naruto just frowned in confusion, Sakura hummed, "Of course I do, and I think I mean what are you talking about, but— Oh," she quietly finished, looking at Hinata and Naruto and then back at Tsunade.

Master and student shared a brief knowing smile Naruto didn't understand at all while Hinata fidgeted frantically and Naruto just looked back and forth among them, puzzled as fuck.

"W-Well," Sakura told Tsunade, "I'll admit that's a noble cause, but I was under the impression—"

"If I ask him to, I'm sure Konoe Konoemon will look aside just this once case," Tsunade said with a teasing smirk, as Hinata began to hyperventilate quietly and Naruto only scratched his head.

"Okay, am I missing something here?" he asked.

"Yes," Master and student said bluntly.

Sakura sighed. "I guess there's no helping it, odds are the message will never get through otherwise..."

Tsunade nodded while Naruto protested, "What message? One I'm supposed to deliver to that Headmaster? Any idiot can do something like delivering a freaking message!"

"Right," Tsunade nodded, shaking his hand, "thanks for accepting the mission, then."

"I haven't said I— Oooohhhh, I know what you did here! I'm not going to—"

Then he grumbled as he folded his arms and fell back on his seat. "What th' hell, I already had said I'd do it and a man doesn't go back on his word, whatever. But I won't like it!"

"I'm sure you'll end up liking it," Tsunade reassured him,

"Mahora is supposed to be quite an entertaining place, and Mahorafest brings visitors and fighters from all parts of—" Sakura began.

Naruto blinked several times in quick succession. "Fighters?" he abruptly asked, sitting up straighter.

* * *

 _Honnouji Academy:_

"Boring. Boring, boring, boring. So boring," Enoshima Junko commented for the ceiling's benefit, as she rested on her back on the empty classroom's floor, long legs crossed, arms folded behind and under her neck.

Since the busty young blonde could remember, there always had been something gnawing on her, from the back of her mind and soul, so to speak. It was something that just made her antsy, never giving her enough time to feel fully at ease. She had learned to cope in the best way she could, by forcing herself into a semi-permanent state of never giving a shit about anything, but that never was quite enough, and as she grew up, it became less and less sufficient by the day.

And yet, that state of lack of realization brought along its own kind of relief. For lately, she had grown to realize, that mounting despair over ignoring what was missing from her life carried the increasing sense despair itself was what she needed. By feeling bad about herself, she found solace and some much needed self-worth. By lacking a purpose, that spiraling need supplied its own purpose. A beautiful inner turmoil that only needed a way to vent itself out now.

That was the bad part of living at Honnouji; elsewhere, Junko thought, she could get away with experimenting a little, to see if she could get away with making others feel as bad as she felt, or worse. She was genuinely curious to see if actually harming others would bring the satisfaction of superiority, or the added, comforting despair of regret over her actions. Her suspicions heavily leaned towards the former, but you never knew. Maybe, just maybe, there was a piece of silver within her, and she was all up for checking if it existed, but she'd never know until she could wreck some really bad shit upon others first.

But you couldn't do that in a police state like Honnouji's. Technically, you could, as long as you joined the cadres of the School Prez's elites, but that demanded for a discipline, patience, and willingness to kiss boots Junko simply would never have. The thought of joining the ranks of the fascistic worshippers of order that ran Honnouji just plain disgusted her. Sure thing, they had awesome and cool uniforms, and the idea of wielding as much power as they did had tempted Junko more than once, but she wasn't made for the life of a minion. She was simply too independent and unruly for that.

"Ah, so despairing!" she purred, rolling around to lie on her stomach now, her chin resting on her folded arms. She swung her legs back and forth, slowly, savoring the small triumph of wasting quality time in a classroom after hours. Under Kiryuuin Satsuki's suffocating control, even that counted as a victory.

Junko had no use for anyone else's rules, although she greatly respected her own. In a way, she tried to adhere to what she considered her personal code of... perhaps honor was too much of a stuffy word for it, fair play maybe? In this, like so many others with similar mindsets, she was a hypocrite without realizing it, but probably she wouldn't have minded much even if she had been told it. She'd deny it for a while, admit it inwardly after some consideration, then would keep denying it just as hostly as before, just to keep apperances.

"I'm sick of this shit," she told the empty room, skillfully leaping back to her feet and grabbing her things on her way out. "I'm going home."

She kicked the door open and didn't bother to close it back as she began marching down the lonely corridors. She didn't mind much about the lackeys in Monitor Hall duty; it had taken her a frighteningly short time learning and memorizing their patrols after only a couple of close calls, and now, with a good timing (never a problem for her and her ultra-fashionable Meruru designer watch) she could basically make it through the whole building with her eyes closed while never running into any of them.

Everything was easy for Junko, as long as she even half-tried. Her problem was, the act of trying on itself was the hardest part of it all for her. Again, she suspected that was another result of growing in the opressive, gray environment of Honnouji. Junko, who never had a low concept of herself, imagined, anywhere else, she might have come to give a shit enough as to get some real bad (and mostly, badass) shit done. Here, however, her natural talents (a few people had compared her to some bitch from Mahora named Suzumiya, who was apparently some hot shit good at everything she did, not that Junko cared one way or the other) and desire to test herself and her views to the logical extremes were surpassed by the... apathy she found herself feeling more often than not.

She was still mulling over that as she walked by the river, ignoring the text messages from her admirers beeping from her phone. Should she feel contented by the measure of despair and lack of fulfillment she felt, or should she thrive for more? Wouldn't aiming for more count as a form of hope, thus denying the whole point of shooting for more despair in the first place? And weren't all those thoughts just ridiculous in the first place, especially for someone priding herself on following her own kind of perfect rationality?

"Bullshit, all of it," she muttered before listening to the small voices by the riverbank. Her curiosity briefly piqued past her apathy, she looked towards the small shore, and saw five children gathered in a circle, apparently debating with each other.

* * *

"Komaru," her brother casually commented over dinner, "how would you like going to Mahora?"

Naegi Komaru paused in the middle of her bowl of noodles to gently pick her jaw back up and ask in turn, "You mean, for their Summer Festival?"

"Yeah," her slightly shorter, terribly average-but-not-bad looking older brother shrugged with a small, almost apologectic smile. "I won two tickets in today's raffle. Lucky, huh? Hagakure even joked they should call me the Ultimate Lucky Student."

"Is that so, huh," the busty, dark haired fifteen-years old carefully said, frowning a little in pondering. "And you aren't asking Maizono-sempai out instead, Nii-san?"

"Maizono?" he repeated, almost choking on a mouthful to then laugh nervously, "Oh, no, no, I never could! I thought we'd agreed Maizono-san was too… high maintenance for me. She deserves… better. Besides, I think she'll still be there anyway. Her band's playing along Afternoon Tea Time, Citron, and some locals called… Something-Rocket, I think. Newcomers, I suppose, but I've heard they're good too."

"Okay…" Komaru said, still not sounding terribly convinced. As a matter of fact, however, she wasn't that upset at her brother's lack of balls for once. She loved Maizono-sempai's music, but from what little personal contact she'd had with Makoto's classmate-cum-idol singer, she was a fair bit of a bitch as a person. "Nobody else, then? That swimmer girl's nice."

"Yeah, well, but I also think she is… you know…"

"With that girl who looks like Shrek on esteroids and drag?" Komaru, who was not part of the local rumor mill but gravitated around several friends who were, guessed.

"Don't, please don't call Oogami-san like that, she's an excellent person!" Makoto protested feebly, waving a hand before himself. "Anyway, the point is, no, I don't have a girlfriend to invite, and really, I'm not in a hurry anyway. I thought you always had wanted to visit Mahora?"

"I do," she nodded, "but I'll only go if you're sure there's nobody else you'd rather go with. They are your tickets anyway, Nii-san, not mine."

"Thank you, but no, don't worry, it's all right," he sighed. "I guess there's no point on trying to push things ahead in the romance front. What's bound to happen will happen in its due time."

Komaru chuckled cagily.

Makoto blinked. "What's so funny?"

"I get it now! Nii-san wants to make a fresh new start in Mahora! That's a good idea, while there, you can pick on girls from that school, Ohtori, *or* CLAMP while the Festival lasts!"

"Don't get the wrong idea!"

"But are you sure bringing me along as a chaperone is a good idea, Nii-san? Or that's part of the plan too, to impress girls showing how responsible a big brother you are?"

"Please cut it out already, will you?"

Naegi Makoto and Komaru. Both full of hopes and dreams for the future. Young lives in their springtime bloom, growing steadily, stubbornly, under the harsh cold of Honnouji. In their small shared home, away from parents and relatives, they took good care of themselves, and of each other, and in that increasingly rare and innocent non-incestuous way, too.

But, would that last long after all?

* * *

"We flipped a coin," Mukuro's father had answered, that one time she'd asked him how he and their mother split the custody of the twins.

It was sort of unsettling, even for Mukuro, imagining that was all that ultimately had separated Junko's destiny from her own. A simple toss of a coin. Had it gone the other way around, she'd have made to lead Junko's childhood, and viceversa. She wondered, in the idle periods there were no shortage of now, if things would have turned out any different then. Being a supporter of Nurture over Nature, she supposed it wouldn't have changed anything.

She wasn't regretful of the life the coin toss had reserved for her, either, so why to complain? The few who knew the truth about her father's life as a private military contractor would think Mukuro bore at least some semblance of a grudge with the man over dragging her into the activities of his organization from her earliest childhood, but Mukuro actually had fond remembrances from those years.

During her time with Fenrir, she had met her first friend (Mana-chan), her first crush (Sagara-kun, not that he ever noticed it), her first idol (Cisneros-sama), and her first punk rock band (Task Force-X. Who knew supervillains could do such wonders in their mission breaks? Quinn had truly missed her life's calling as a rocker).

All in all, it sounded like a much better life than that of her older twin, if Junko's brief, reluctant explanations were to be believed. The battlefields, the guerrilla operations, the long strolls across the tropical jungles, all had given Mukuro the sense of fulfillment and purpose Junko seemed to have lacked for the best part of a whole decade. They had also given her a release valve for her frustrations. During her childhood, Mukuro always had a morbid fascination of sorts with killing and suffering, and her father had channeled that towards the enemy while constantly stressing allies and friends were to be spared. By the time her father died in combat, Mukuro was the proverbial child in the candy store who has eaten too much and had their fill for the rest of their life.

What once had been fascinating, immersing herself into the bloody fray while creeping Melissa Mao and Deadshot out, cutting with her knives through enemy soldiers, carving her path across scores of opposing mercenaries, by then had lost all alure through repetition. Mukuro was tired of it all. She wanted to try something different. For the first time ever, she found herself craving for the unremarkable, bland and boring life of an average student, the kind you'd read about in the manga swiped from Katana-san. And just her luck, after an enemy's bullet left her an orphan, social services had decided shipping her back to Japan, back to her sister, and silently pray for the best.

It'd been three years since. When she arrived, Mukuro was told their mother had, due to a freak coincidence, died in a strange accident shortly before her arrival, but she didn't particularly mind. She was more interested on Junko, who at first seemed very apathetic to her presence. Junko seemed to just go through the motions of life in everything, and her lack of grieving was as evident as her absence of rejoice over the reunion. Still, Mukuro could tell, even if she wouldn't admit it, Junko had warmed up to her during that time.

For starters, Junko relied completely on her for her everyday life. While a gifted genius, Junko was so lacking in motivations, so borderline depressive with bouts of manic intensity, she was pretty much non-functional in a domestic setting. With the discipline learned from the platoon, Mukuro had taken over the cooking and cleaning, leaving Junko only with the sewing and clothes-pressing, on which she was an expert, and on which she'd deny Mukuro any involvement. Otherwise, her twin was fully reliant on her, and that included the finances. Shortly into their rekindled cohabitation, Mukuro had learned Junko's managers were skipping money from her earnings, so she'd paid them a friendly nocturnal visit and, after a few chopped fingers that were later publically excused as unfortunate freak accidents with can openers and the like, they'd agreed to sign over the exploitation rights to the sisters themselves.

Junko had laughed when she learned about it. It was the first time ever Mukuro had seen her laughing out of TV-screened interviews. Mukuro decided she really liked that unsteady, shaky laugh over the prefabricated, girlish giggle of the interviews.

"You know," Junko had said, wiping tears of amusement from her freckled cheeks, "I'm glad you aren't as stuffy as you look, Imouto-chan."

Mukuro had liked that even more.

This afternoon, she hummed the theme from 'Plattoon' absently to herself as she set the dinner plates on the table. Junko, as usual, wouldn't eat much, being on another of her diets. Some salad, a small bowl of miso soup. Mukuro herself wouldn't be satisfied with anything but the usual big full plate of steak, rice and potatoes. She'd spent too long living on meager warfare rations, now she had access to a pop star budget's she wouldn't settle for anything but the best.

"Yo, I'm home," Junko casually greeted as she pushed the front door open, followed by five children, one of them a prim and proper looking boy pushing a lovely green haired girl in a wheelchair. "Better ready some extras, Imouto-chan. We've got guests tonight!"

* * *

"Two days," Fukawa Toko muttered darkly, resting face up on her couch, legs carelessly swung over the armrest.

Kakizaki-san's voice sighed through her phone, which was as antiquated in looks as Toko herself. With the skirt that reached all the way down to her heels, her austere general style of dressing in solid black, her large round glasses and her black hair made in two extremely thin and long braids, the petite, slim girl made Chisame in her average, everyday style and at her grumpiest look exhuberantly sophisticated and exotic. Hip, chipper and joyful, too. "Toko-chan," the man told her, "we can't give you two days."

"I can't properly tour Library Island in a single day," Toko told her editorial assistant, which was a mildly fancy way of calling the guy her real editor had hired to deal with her and other, similar troublesome writers under the house's employ.

"You can't give a proper book signing in a single day, and we're paying you to go do a book signing, not a touristic visit of Library Island," Kakizaki-san replied sharply. "You should be thankful Makirito-sama is willing to grant you a full day. Do you think Naba Publishing would settle for a two-days promotional push?"

"Naba Publishing isn't the number one editorial, you are," the young woman mumbled agressively, "and you're number one thanks to me."

Kakizaki paused, obviously looking for the right answer, and Toko allowed herself a crooked smile. "Now, Toko-chan," he finally said, "let's be reasonable..."

"I can't be expected to be reasonable, I'm a writer."

"And writers and editorials owe themselves to their public."

"No," she said, shaking her head to herself, "writers owe ourselves to our muse, and editorials owe yourselves to money. That's why I need two days and you want to give me one meager day."

"No, that's why we need two days and you want to give us one day," he disagreed. "Believe me, that Library's not that wonderful anyway. My daughter studies in Mahora and she never writes or calls mentioning it."

"Your daughter knows how to read?" Toko wondered.

"My daughter's fifteen, Toko-chan."

"My question still stands."

Toko enjoyed the brief sounds of frustration coming through the line now. She was no Junko, but certainly no Naegi either. He ended up saying, "Maybe we should just talk to your parents instead."

"Day and a half," Toko quickly said.

"You get one day," Kakizaki insisted.

Toko whispered something very scathing and rude that he was sure to overhear, then said, "I get my pick of the day then. First day of the Festival."

"You get the second day."

"But the first and last day of any festival are always the loudest and most annoying!" the writing prodigy argued. "The fireworks are at their worst, the streets are the most crowded, and worst of all, they get the most visitors then!"

"Oh, I wonder why the editorial would want you signing during the days with the largest attendance?" Kakizaki mused aloud.

"Don't play cute with me, Kakizaki-san. That did cost your predecessor his job! I just said I'd do the third day, didn't I? So what's your problem?"

"If we give you the first half of the second day," he told her, "you're just going to put an excuse to take the rest of the day off as well."

"It can't be helped. Accidents do tend to happen in massive libraries."

"So don't go there in the first place, then."

"Then I have no reasons to go to Mahora," Toko shrugged.

"Your contract says otherwise!"

She sighed, pushing her sliding glasses back up. "Contracts. The only use of the written word that should be banned by law. Alright, second day, I'll humor you this time."

"And make sure of bathing before the sessions this time."

"What am I, a supermodel?! It's a big, crowded place with lots of sweaty people, like anybody's going to notice it! Look, just put a security gorilla at each side of my booth and everybody'll gladly pin it on them!"

"That's the thing, security guards don't want to work with you anymore, Toko-chan. They say they can't stand the smell."

"Good. If I keep that up, maybe it'll start working with everyone else, too."

"Why do you think I'm not there right now?"

"And I thank you so much for it," Toko sarcastically said. "Fine, whatever, it's not like I have bad hygiene or anything, I take as much care of my body as it needs to," she grunted, scratching herself on the sole of a bare foot and then sniffling her fingers absently. She flinched. "This wouldn't be necessary if you'd just followed my advice and hired a model to play me in public appearances, you know."

"Yeah, sure thing. Like models who can answer questions on Literature and Creative Writing are so easy to find," Misa's father argued.

"Well, now there's something we can agree on," Toko conceded, shifting on a side and scratching herself on an armpit. "Something else?"

"About the deadline-"

"You'll have the final draft done and sent tomorrow," she promised, lazily shifting her eyes towards her computer. "Good night," she curtly added and cut the call short.

Then she grinned and slammed her hands together. Time to pull another all-nighter!

Luckily, there was nothing she liked better.

Except maybe large libraries.

* * *

It hurt.

It always hurt, since Kitami-sensei's thing was too long and thick, and while it had entered her several times by now- truly, Mikan already had lost count of how many by this point- Mikan would always, without fail, panic and tighten around it, making penetration even more difficult and painful. Still, Mikan could tell Sensei liked it better that way. And that was everything that mattered, wasn't it?

Tsumiki Mikan sobbed and whined as she bounced on the fully naked busty blonde's lap, in the otherwise deserted and well locked infirmary. After hours, Sensei would often relax from the long day of pretending she cared about others' health by stripping naked, pulling Mikan's skirt up, pulling her panties aside, sitting her on her lap, and sprouting her thing up, to drive up Mikan, no foreplay, no kind words, just the rough, feral abuse that made Mikan weep and cringe as she was taken.

Sometimes, after she was done, Sensei would still have stamina for more, throwing Mikan on one of the beds, ripping her clothes off, and taking her again there, but of late, that rarely was the case anymore, and this afternoon was no exception. Mikan wondered if she was doing something bad, or not doing enough. Maybe the novelty was wearing off and Sensei would soon leave her. The simple idea terrified Mikan, but asking on the subject scared her even more.

"Ungh! Cumming!" Kitami Reika grunted, sinking her teeth on Mikan's right shoulder and cruelly squeezing the teenager's large breasts as her penis twitched and shot, making Mikan shudder against her. "Ah. Good bitch," the head nurse mumbled, smacking her lips together.

"Ah... Fuwa..." Mikan panted, cheeks flushed, while the short haired adult pushed her off her lap, stroking her flaccid member a couple times before pulling it back into her clitoris. Or rather, changing it back into her clitoris. Mikan still wasn't sure how that was supposed to work. None of the books on Medicine and Human Biology had ever mentioned anything on the matter. "S-Sensei... Aren't we...?"

"Not today," Kitami said, reaching over for her black panties, thrown over the nearby desk. "That'll be everything for today, Mikan-chan. You can wash yourself and go back home. Have nice dreams."

"Y-Yes..." the girl nodded shakily, feeling like crying for some reason. Then again, she almost always felt lik crying, but right now even moreso than usual. She was no stranger to the older woman's callous indifference, but her behavior today seemed even more uncaring than the norm. Mikan wished so much she could just ask her, but...

"Oh, wait, Mikan-chan," the lead nurse stopped her before she could walk into the restroom to clean herself up, "I forgot mentioning something. Will you be coming to Mahora with me?"

The black haired, heavily bandaged girl turned her head back, visibly impressed. "M-M-Me?!"

Kitami-sensei nodded evenly while clicking her brassiere on. "I can't trust anyone else with being my assistant there, see? Mahora's my old school and I'm afraid nostalgia might make me lower my guard while I'm there. Besides, there's an old friend of mine I'd like you to meet. I'm sure she'd make an interesting study case for you."

"S-Sensei, I'd be honored!" Mikan eagerly stuttered, feeling like her heart was soaring in a burning rocket into space.

"Atta girl," Kitami approved with a pleased nod. "You know, maybe I don't tell you this as often as I should, but I'm sure there's a bright future ahead for you."

Mikan, completely unused to praise since her earliest childhood, felt her knees subtly wobbling, and wetness suddenly threatening to come to her eyes. Her superior and recent, torrid lover actually reached over to gently pet her long hair as she stood back, a gesture of affection that mystified Mikan in how alien and downright terrifying it felt.

She wasn't sure why Sensei was... the way she was. She didn't understand her, physically or emotionally, and she was sure she never would. Sensei had once or twice vaguely mentioned she was a sorceress or witch, and explained that was why she could grow a male member, but Mikan hadn't placed too much weight on that explanation. She was, after all, a woman of science, regardless of what else could be said about her, and she never was given to think of magic, miracles and prodigies. Sensei was surely some sort of mutant, not like that really mattered. Mikan was fine with Sensei being different that way.

What made Mikan scared was she couldn't understand why Sensei did the things she did, experienced the mood changes she had, asked or downright demanded for the things she wanted from Mikan. She only could obey, never to question, and while that always would be preferable over being ignored, every once in a while, like now, Mikan couldn't help wishing she could grasp Sensei's rationale behind decisions like trusting her of all people in a field trip to another academy, during a massive festival of all things. Sensei was well aware how bad Mikan was at handling large groups of people.

Was she setting her up for a fail, so she could have a reason to drop her both as assistant and lover? This new suspicion chilled Mikan to her bones, and again, made her want to cry, but she only soldiered on with a soft "Thank you" and a humble nod.

She was rewarded with a chaste kiss on the forehead, which felt far better than any bout of sex.

Tsumiki Mikan was a girl in love. Or at least a despairing approximation that was close enough in her own mind.

It still hurt.

* * *

"We got another one," the hulking tower of muscle coated in pristine white that was Gamagoori Ira informed.

The much smaller, comparatively diminutive, nay, nearly microscopic, girl with passive large eyes and long grayish hair nodded wordlessly as she walked past him, the uniformed enforcers in matching Gokou One Star regalia opening a wide path for her. Gracefully, the petite girl wrapped in the thick black overcoat passed over the yellow police line without touching it, her slender legs just working around it easily despite her small stature. Gamagoori followed her into the cordoned area, his shadow covering her; in a single step, he had passed right over the line even more easily.

The enforcers whispered amongst themselves, sharing the usual fearful chatter regarding Kirigiri Kyoko. Daughter of the man who used to be Honnouji's principal before his unexplained disappearance three years ago; the office had been vacant ever since, with the Student Council taking over full effective control of the Academy. There had been rumors Satsuki-sama had disposed of him, and yet his daughter had never expressed any public discomfort with working for her. Then again, not only nobody in Honnouji dared speaking in public against Satsuki-sama, but Kirigiri Kyoko never expressed any sort of emotions, period.

Last year, she had made headlines with her discovery and arrest of serial vigilante and executioner Sparkling Justice, who roamed the Honnouji District enforcing brutal justice on hoodlums and pocket-pickers. A local celebrity of sorts, Kirigiri was the Student Council's unofficial crime detection one-woman unit, the Ultimate Detective.

She stopped before the fountain where the bomb disposal team was stepping away from the bear-shaped device. "It's clean, other than the recording, Sir!" one of the armored young men martially shouted at Gamagoori, who nodded slowly in deep contemplation.

Kirigiri Kyoko cruched down before the wide fountain's edge, and the comical, half-white, half-black pudgy figure sitting on it. "Speak," she softly said, and the mechanical doll began emitting a playful theme tune through its inner speakers.

 _"I am a robot bear from the future…"_ it sang, in a mischievously saccharine voice, its mismatched eyes both glinting as its head bobbed lazily in site.

"What's that infernal music, Sir, Ma'am?" one of the anti-bomb grunts asked. "It plays it at regular intervals and then starts singing that damned song. It's just plain—"

"A free adaptation of Doraemon's theme song," Kirigiri flatly said over the bear's inane singing. "The show's been banned in the local TV stations for the most part of a decade now, so it's hardly surprising you wouldn't know about it."

"It was forbidden from showing locally because of its lack of educative material and blatant pedophilic content!" Gamagoori snered in deep disgust, arms folded behind his square, titanic back. "Whoever took inspiration from it must be a vile degenerate indeed!"

"Nudist Beach?" guessed one of the anti-bomb boys.

"Not their M.O.," Kirigiri said. "There's never a political statement, much less one that matches their repeteadly voiced opinions. Just nonsense about—"

"Des—pair—" the bear cackled, head tilting back in a frantic stacatto. "Des-pairrrr!"

"That American, the Joker, maybe. Last time I heard, he still was at the large in Japan," Gamagoori opined, keeping wary eyes on the twitching creature, whose metal body was fully covered in soft black and white fabric, fully mimicking the feel and texture of short animal fur. "Or it might be… _that person_ 's sick idea of a prank."

"We both know _that person_ 's idea of a prank leans more towards skewering people alive and hanging their hides from trees," Kirigiri coldly said, carefully studying the bear's spasming. "And she has no scientific knowledge either. Whoever did this holds at least some basic expertise on—"

"Kirrrri-giriiii," the bear's rapid chuckle settled for a softer manic crescendo, while its head dropped back, almost hanging limply on its chest. "Kyoooo-koooo!"

Gamagoori gave his men an alarmed look. "Had it said that before?!"

"Sir, no, Sir! Its recordings seem to change at random, but it never had said—"

"Voice recognition software," Kirigiri estimated, her blood as cool as before. "They wouldn't risk to attempt a long distance transmission, knowing Inumuta and Kirisaki must be searching the area as we speak. Tell me, then. What is your name?"

"Monoooo," the bear chuckled throatily, head jumping up and down on its short, stubby neck. "Kumaaaaa!"

"Very well, Monokuma," she said. "What do you have to tell me?"

"You've been…" it said. "There for me… In each of my public appearances! You are my greatest fan… aren't youuuuuu?!"

Kirigiri almost smiled. "And you get more coherent every time, too. The first time you showed up, you only could loop your song over and over. Now just look at yourself, by now we can even strike a conversation. You must have very good teachers."

"Yessssss…" it hissed, moving a paw slightly in place. Gamagoori readied himself to strike at any moment, and only relaxed a little when the paw stopped twitching. "I'm learning, I'm learning fast for you. I'm a fast learner, aren't I? How long it's been, since, our, first, encounter? Two? Weeks?"

"Sixteen days," she said, remembering the first call, the first Monokuma left in a trinket shop after hours. There had been nine since, scattered across Honnouji's campus and the surrounding city, each carrying an increasingly longer and more bizarre recorded message than the last. This one was different, however. It seemed to bear—pun definitely not intended—some sort of crude artificial intelligence. "What is your game, Monokuma? What do you want from us?"

"I… want. Your… despair!" It cackled again, punctuating each short burst of laugh with a jerky motion of its head.

"Why?"

"No… particular… reason. I… Think! It seems… as good a thing to want… as any ooo-theeeerrrrr?"

"Sick," Gamagoori grunted in disgust. "Whoever created you obviously had more talent than to waste on an useless joke like you, so why to bother?"

The bear paused for several moments after that, then said, "You're… no fun…!"

"Like hell I want to be!" Gamagoori furiously roared. "Listen, whoever's controlling this thing, I know you can hear me, and we're going to find you soon, and when we do it, we're going to—!"

"Yadda! Yadda! Yadda!" Monokuma taunted. "Big ugly ox! You're still no fun! Go fuck off!"

Gamagoori blew several puffs of smoke out his ears, his neck veins straining to illogical, bulging extremes. " **KIRIGIRI-SAN!** I know you'll want this damn thing in one piece for the lab, but—!"

"Thank you for understanding," she swiftly interrupted, passing a hand before the plush bear's slowly fading eyes. "He won't bother you any longer, either way. Not this one, at least. It's burning itself off."

"Again, huh. Good riddance!" Gamagoori huffed as Monokuma gradually went inactive with a few final taunting chortles. "I don't get it, though. These… things can't be cheap to make. Wouldn't it be easier just to develop a final product and leave it for us, instead of dropping all these protoypes all around the place just to confuse us?"

"That depends on what's their creator's endgame," Kirigiri said while standing back up. "There are two basic main possibilities; either they are a genuinely deranged genius, or they are using the absurdity of this M.O. to disguise their actual intentions… whatever they are. One way or another, I wouldn't expect for any fingerprints or physical clues on him this time either. They want us to crack their pattern, and that's how we'll capture them."

"And what if there's no pattern?" asked Gamagoori. "What if this is a mad person's handwork?"

"Even insanity follows its own type of structure," she said, beginning to walk away from the scene. "It's there. We just haven't figured it out yet."

* * *

Hagakure Yasuhiro sat in the quiet, lonely and warm comfort of his bedroom, barefoot and in a lotus position, staring intently into the crystal ball that rested on his lap. The tanned young man concentrated, attempting to focus himself, feeling as if-

You know what, never mind, and we don't mean Sonia. Like anyone cares about Hagakure. Let's just move onto someone, anyone, who matters.

He lifted his gaze and frowned. "Hey! What gives, that was really uncalled for! I'm a star of this franchise, you know! I've been in two anime and I got a novel of my own!"

No, no, seriously, keep on doing whatever you were doing. Like, we know you're going to survive anyway, what's the point on trying to build tension up on you? You aren't even worth killing off.

"You bastard! Like you've got enough stuff in you as to ever finish a story anyway!"

Now, let's see, who can we visit next? Togami? Akane? Himiko? Shirogane, maybe...

Yasuhiro flipped the bird to the Fourth Wall. "Seriously, bite me, you asshole!"

Yeah, Shirogane, why not?

* * *

"I'm home!" Shirogane Tsumugi happily announced as she opened her apartment's door, just loud enough for the neighbors to hear without making too much of a show out of it.

And then, as she closed the door behind herself, the bespectacled young woman with long blueish hair sighed heavily and pulled her shoes off, leaving them by the entrance before dragging her feet through the living room, her eyes suddenly losing all the light and radiance they had moments ago. She remained beautiful as ever, but now her whole posture conveyed a general aura of jaded exhaustion, from the way her shoulders drooped to the slight forward inclination of her back.

She looked aside, towards the pile of half finished machinery stashed by the window and reeking of oil and rust, and knew her roommate had to be still holed up at the Research Laboratories, since otherwise she'd be frantically working at her current dozen of domestic projects, all at once, only taking breaks to eat and use the toilet until at least one of them was done. They had been living together for more than a year now, ever since that fateful day Tsumugi was brought in and reassured there was nothing to fear before being led in, and by now the two girls had reached a mutual understanding of mostly ignoring each other's hobbies for everybody's sake.

After taking a quick shower and slipping into casual, everyday clothes, Tsumugi pulled a frozen dinner out of the fridge, cooked it in silence, and ate with perfect manners and decorum despite being completely alone. She washed the dishes, looked at the watch, realized Miura would probably pull another all-nighter at the labs, and, satisfied, retreated to their shared bedroom, most specifically towards the Chiu Corner where she kept her computers and the bulk of her cosplay equipment.

* * *

 _Mahora:_

"You won't? Are you sure?" a disappointed Negi Springfield said, after his roommate and student Hasegawa Chisame turned down the invitation he'd bought for her earlier in the afternoon.

She grumbled at him. "Idiot, after all this time, you still don't get I don't like doing that sort of thing in public? And before Shirogane Tsumugi, to boot!"

"You always could go under a disguise and a false identity," her other roommate, fellow 3-A student Hakase Satomi, said from where she diligently applied a buzzing hand drill into two pieces of machinery she was assembling to each other, her face fully covered by a mask. "It seems to work for Misora-san and Saber-san, after all."

"… it never works at all for either of them, whatever gave you that idea, or are you mocking me?" Chisame asked, mostly upset because she could imagine Satomi's tiny smirk under the mask right now but couldn't be fully sure of its existence.

"Who's Shirogane Tsumugi?" Negi asked.

"Who is she? Who is she?!" Chisame demanded. "You've spent months living in Japan surrounded by teenagers and you don't know her yet? She's a celebrity! The current Queen of All Cosplayers! That's who she is, and she'll be there to judge this contest, see!" she jammed her finger on a few of the specifications listed under the invitation's headliner.

"Ah, so that's who she is," Negi said, adjusting his small bifocals to take another view at the paper. "But, Chisame, I thought *you* were the Queen of All Japanese Cosplayers?"

Chisame muttered darkly. "Yeah, well, I'm the Number One Online Idol, but Shirogane's got actual real-world, 3D influence. She gets invited to TV shows, she gets to appear in magazines, she does commercials, she gets to turn down dates with pop stars. Of both genders! True, the future's online, and there I'm the Empress, but… she makes actual money out of it! And everybody gets to respect her real name, too! People love Chiu, but no one loves Hasegawa Chisame!"

"But Chisame, we lo—" Negi began right before Chisame blocked his mouth with a hand.

"Say that and I'll stab you to death," she warned.

"You always could out yourself as Chiu, if you wanted the public recognition so much," shrugged the white ermine perched on Negi's shoulder.

"But I don't want public recognition, you idiot!" Chisame snapped. "Besides, once everybody see how ugly I am compared to Chiu, they'll catch on my ruse! They'll know I Photoshock my images and they'll hate me! I'll be remembered as fraud and phony instead of the glorious swan who mysteriously vanished away before growing old, leaving behind an eternal trail of broken hearts! That'll be my legacy!"

Negi, Chamo, Matoi and Satomi shared jaded looks.

"What?" Chisame frowned.

"We have gone through this before, you are prettier than Chiu," Negi matter-of-factly told her.

"Am not!"

"Chisame-sama is the most perfected woman I've ever met, and no computer screen can perfectly capture her real life grace," Tsunetsuki solemnly added.

"You only say that because you're crazy!"

"Chiu's beauty is impressive indeed," Satomi lectured, "but her esthetics ultimately resound artificial and lifeless compared to Chisame's vivid, vibrant energy and vivacious temper. That's something technology cannot duplicate… yet!"

Her roommates gave her half-shocked, half-flat stares.

"Have you of all people seriously just said that?" Chisame finally asked.

Satomi blinked. "If I believed our ongoing search for perfect duplication of human nature through programming was complete, then it wouldn't be ongoing anymore, would it? Honestly, I don't believe even Chachamaru has reached the same ideal of feminine appeal as you."

"Hey," an annoyed Matoi growled.

"… I don't know if I should feel flattered, creeped our, or just plain sorry for Chachamaru," Chisame confessed. "For her own mother to talk about her like that… Not to mention Shiina… But anyway! I can't compare to Shirogane Tsumugi, and even if she weren't there, I wouldn't go there to expose myself and lose face before all four schools! That's it, end of the discussion!"

Angrily, then she proceeded to upload the latest batch of Chiu photographies for her webpage. The current gallery was one of Chiu in Enoshima Junko cosplay, which was sure to delight most visitors. After all, Enoshima's popularity still held on, even if it wasn't what it used to be anymore…

* * *

 _Honnouji:_

Chiu was the personification of Tsumugi's ideal of beauty but, ironically, she wasn't the ideal of person Tsumugi wished to be. In reality, she hated donning the cosplay herself, which was why she now was in plain ugly shorts and a flimsy top, one foot in a sock, the other bare, as she surfed the Web. She found the costumes gorgeous to look at and incredibly rewarding to create, but horribly uncomfortable to wear. She'd rather look at others wearing her creations, and her ultimate dream was to personally see Chiu herself wearing them.

Her side of the room was all but blanketed on pictures of Chiu, something her roommate had often grossly cracked wise on. Tsumugi didn't care, at least not anymore. As long as she had her Chiu imagery, she'd always have something to look forward to at the end of each long, torturous day of hard work and grueling modeling sessions. Good models were extremely hard to find in Honnouji, and Tsumugi's managers—not to mention parents—kept on insisting on her doing her modeling herself. A seamstress and designer, they reasoned, usually held no major image recognition among the masses; they argued her beauty had to be recognized, and that meant she had to wear the costumes as well.

Tsumugi nodded, smiled, and went along with it, because it was what was expected from her. But inside, it would gnaw at her, the resentment of doing something she didn't like. She just wanted to sit back, create, and then watch. Mostly, she wanted to watch Chiu. Over the last two years, since that starting, promising webpage had captured her attention during a casual search, she had watched Chiu grow as an artist and a woman, blooming from precocious child star into sensual young woman, and her current update only confirmed how well she'd filled up. Not many girls could pull off a convincing Enoshima Junko impression, and even Tsumugi had to work extra hard for an impression that only earned a non-commital grunt of indifference from the local fashionista, rather than her usual outrage at copycats. Not only Chiu pulled the part off perfectly, but Tsumugi doubted she cared about Junko's habitual reactions towards those who copied her image. Chiu didn't care, she was above that, she was too pure a creator and muse to allow others' opinions to limit her craft.

Tsumugi panted, face flushed, a hand on the mouse and the other working hard between her legs, sneaking under her panties, fingers vigorously working on her clitoris, over and over, as she went over the new gallery and imagined herself naked and between a just as denuded Chiu and Junko. All fancy clothes discarded aside just for a while, just long enough as to discover, explore and enjoy what there was under them, which was just as notable. It was an impossible dream, yes, but that was what often made dreams worth having.

Those dreams did not inspire the hope of that you thought you could ever reach, and hence neither did they supply the despair of failing at achieving them. Impossible dreams were the safest form of dreaming. And as she arched her back, moaned and climaxed in her twiddling fingers, Tsumugi not only dreamed, she soared, before the unavoidable, sobering crash back unto reality, where she, the beloved idol, sat alone, unfulfilled, shamefully half naked, in a situation her fans would have found appalling, and wishing after two girls she never could have.

Shirogane Tsumugi cried.

* * *

Asakura Kazumi snapped out of it as she heard Chachamaru's voice softly calling to her a second time. "Asakura-san, I repeat, are you feeling okay?" the gynoid said, obviously concerned, standing on the boat between the crouched forms of Kazumi and Kuga Natsuki, her subtly glowing green eyes briefly shifting from the abandoned research center at the rocky coastline before them to focus instead on her red haired classmate. "If you aren't feeling up to the task tonight, maybe you should -"

"No. Nah, I'm okay. It's just I couldn't sleep that well last night, but I'll make up for it tomorrow," Asakura promised, rubbing the space between her eyes with a hand. "I wouldn't miss this for anything in the world." And she flashed a smirk at the serious black haired girl at Chachamaru's other side. "You, Sempai?"

"I was born for this," Natsuki grimly said. "I assume you're done already, Karakuri?"

Chachamaru nodded. "Affirmative. I have been able to deactivate the perimeter alarms and pinpoint every guard inside of the complex. Security is laxer than Chao-san expected. Two guards on each wing. I suggest infiltrating through the East wing. The vital signs on one of the guards at that post indicate a much older person, probably asleep at this moment."

Natsuki nodded as well, not bothering to look up at the green haired girl. "I can work with that. I'll take care of the rest. Last chance to call it quits, Asakura-san."

Asakura clenched her grin further. "If you're in, so am I, Sempai. Just show the way."

Without a single word more, the black bikini-clad Natsuki simply jumped into the quiet waters of the bay, breaking through the reflection of the full moon above. A moment later, Asakura gave Chachamaru a thumbs up and dove in right after Kuga, herself wearing nothing but a green bikini top, Daisy Duke shorts, and the utility belt Chao had given her this evening.

"Good luck, Kuga-san, Asakura-san," Chachamaru quietly said, keeping her scanners on the two curvaceous figures swimming under the surface and away from her.

* * *

As they pulled themselves up from the water, Asakura just silently thanked whatever gods might be listening that the coldness of the water could excuse how hard her nipples were right now, in the event Kuga-sempai happened to notice the way they peaked under the wet top. Not that she would ask anyway.

And Kazumi also made a point of looking at her surroundings, not at Kuga-sempai's finely toned backside as she led her closer to the old building.

For some reason she was feeling really weird that evening. But damn it, she didn't like girls! Really, she didn't! There had to be a perfectly logical explanation for her odd confusion! Yeah, that was it, and whatever it was, she was sure she'd wake up perfectly fine next morning, her mind all refreshed after a long good sleep, and her mind wouldn't be full with weird absurd vague ideas anymore...

* * *

Kuga Natsuki briefly stopped, her flesh gaining strange goosebumps for the briefest moment.

 _"Something wrong?"_ whispered Asakura, who still walked close behind her through the dark, tight corridor with bare walls that hadn't seen a fresh layer of paint for years, also coming to a halt.

After a second of pause, Natsuki shook her head and kept on walking. "Nothing. Just a... weird off feeling. That's it."

"Huh. You too?" Asakura wondered aloud.

"Quiet," Kuga reminded her, since even though Chachamaru was supposed to run interference on any hidden recording devices, they'd agreed to keep complete silence through the operation. Besides, what had briefly flashed through Natsuki's mind was something she didn't want to dwell on.

After successfully breaking into the seemingly abandoned complex, they had pulled on the night vision goggles Chao had placed in Asakura's utility belt, so they wouldn't have to carry hand lamps around. Chao seemed to think of everything, which was one of the main reasons why Asakura had thrown her lot in with her, when she approached her shortly after the trip to Kyoto. That, and she at least had shown more interest on her involvement with the world of magic than Negi-kun had.

Not that Asakura held any sort of grudge over him for that, but still, it was nice to see someone DID care, even if only because of their own reasons, instead of only pretending nothing had happened. Not even a single invitation to that club of theirs they had going on. That sort of stung, a tiny part of Asakura had to admit.

On the plus side now, by this point the fleeting temptation she had experienced while staring at the black bikini-clad behind leading her way currently seemed to have vanished altogether. Although, if Kuga's behavior was any indication, she had gotten rid of it by jinxing it on her instead. Unless the complex had some sort of chemical security system playing with their minds. But surely Chachamaru would have taken care of that too.

Natsuki abruptly stopped again, and Asakura first guessed she had just had another of those weird moments. But the black haired older girl simply gestured towards her to keep still, while the tiny communication device Chao had placed in the reporter's outside auditive channel briefed her as well, speaking with Chachamaru's voice, "The guard making the rounds just shifted his trajectory, sorry. I can't imagine why, but-"

"I can," Kuga grunted while her eyes darted towards the other end of the corridor the current crossroads would lead them into. There, a door marked 'Men's' waited, the light of a hand lamp falling on it. Kuga clenched her teeth and readied the tiny stun guns in each hand of hers.

A moment later, they could see the tall, burly man walking by right before them. For a moment, Asakura thought he'd just keep on walking without noticing them. After all, they stood in complete darkness, and he was aiming his lamp elsewhere. They had fallen into a perfect silence, even stopping breathing, as well. Still, soon it became obvious they had hired this guy not only because of his size.

All of a sudden, he shifted aside, hand reaching for the gun at his side, the other throwing his light on them. The added light on her goggles briefly blinded Asakura and made a short gasp escape her mouth, but Kuga simply closed her eyes, aimed unerringly, and shot.

A second later, while Asakura's vision still consisted of nothing but dancing dots, she heard Chachamaru saying, "Your presence hasn't been compromised yet to the rest of the staff. All the same, I suggest-"

"I know!" Kuga sneered, grabbing Asakura's hand and roughly pulling her along herself in an accelerated march further in. Kazumi almost stumbled on the body of the unconscious man splayed across the floor, but somehow kept herself on her feet while Kuga dragged her away. Which, she was realizing now, was even more exciting than brief flashes of sex with any beautiful woman.

That was a relief.

* * *

Kuga Natsuki now stood at the middle of a small, old office, staring blankly at a desk she hadn't seen for years.

Asakura looked over Kuga's shoulders, and saw a small portrait on the desk, showing a woman with glasses and long black hair happily hugging an adorable girl against herself. Understanding immediately dawned on her. "Why," she softly mouthed out, "after all these years..."

"They didn't even care enough as to clean up," Kuga bitterly said. "After they took all her research away, they couldn't mind in the slightest about who she really was."

"Or maybe," Kazumi cautioned, "this is a trap set for you?"

"I doubt they care about me either," Natsuki replied, grabbing the portrait and handing it back to Asakura. "We're taking this with us," she ordered, only getting a vague node as an answer. Then her eyes caught onto something on the floor, and she crouched down to examine it. Kazumi saw it was the round plate for a dog, marked 'Duran' on Western letters, which made Natsuki flinch as she held it close to her chest.

"That, too?" Kazumi softly asked. "I won't mind -"

"No," Natsuki sighed, putting it back down. "I loved him a lot, but it never could be the same thing." Getting up, she took another long look at her surroundings and slapped her hands on her hips, as if to dust them off. "We're done here. Let's go."

"But, but we haven't even picked any important info yet."

"I imagine Karakuri already must have done that," Natsuki said. "Come on, if she could enter their files enough as to allow us physical access here, don't you think she could have accessed their databanks too?"

Kazumi gasped. "You mean... you mean all of this was just so you could get a-"

"It's something Lingshen owed me as payment for my services," Natsuki told her, "plus, a test for your abilities of infiltration and stealth."

"Ooooohhhh," Kazumi said. "And then? Have I passed?"

"I'll tell you," Natsuki firmly marched back for the nearly empty office's door, "as soon as we've left this damned place."

* * *

 _London, England:_

"What am I gonna do?" Anya Cocolova, elsewhere, asked herself as she quickly stuffed pieces of clothing into the open luggage set on her bed. "What am I going to do?"

"And now what do you think you're doing?" another voice asked from her doorway.

"I don't know!" she snapped angrily. "You idiot, that's why I'm asking myself what am I gonna- GACK!" she spun around while her little dog familiar hugged her legs and whimpered, trying to hide behind her. "This isn't what it looks like, Master Blood! I wasn't going to stupidly run away just to go save that idiot Negi before he gets himself killed! And, and I was going to leave a note anyway!"

Jason Blood took a long look around the unusually disarranged bedroom of the girl, stuck his hands into the pockets of his black longcoat, and said, "I see. So Etrigan was right. This is another one he isn't going to let go anytime soon. Anya, are you aware I'm supposed to disqualify you if you abandon the duties imposed upon you by the spirits unless I see fit to grant you a license of leave?"

"So… would you give me a license of leave, then, Master?" Anya meekly asked. "Please?"

The man with the white streak on his hair shook his head. "I'm afraid I can't grant you a license so you can go interfere into the assignment given to another student. You know better, and the Association will take it as either attempted sabotage or cheating. In the case of the latter, Negi himself might get suspended as well."

"But-! But-!"

"Why don't you wait until the summer break? It's only a few weeks until then. Little more than one month. Then, I can at least give you a vacation."

"But it's a Grail War!" Anya protested. "It won't last until then, by that time it'll have finished with a massacre! You know how those things go! By then Negi will be killed off, unless I pluck him out first!"

"Then contact his sister. As his legal guardian, she can at least go there for him without throwing her studies down the toilet."

"I've tried!" Anya cried. "But I can't reach her either! I'm dead worried about both of them, but I only know where Negi is, so I might as well start there! Your nasty demon wouldn't show me where Nekane is!"

Jason Blood shrugged. "Etrigan is not a relief hotline, Anya. I'm surprised he helped you as much as he did, and now, I'm not even sure if he didn't do it to set you up for a fall."

"All the same, I have to go. Sorry!" she pouted, closing her luggage, throwing an extra bag around her shoulders, and standing firmly before the man blocking her way out.

He half smirked. "So you aren't wondering what to do anymore? That's some fast progress."

The small girl growled, in a way she actually had copied from Etrigan.

Jason Blood stepped aside. "It's your decision. If you fail to return before I have delivered my report, you will be legally considered the one to have failed at your obligations, not me."

"I know that," Anya nodded once, while ignoring Courage's whimpers and whines as he tugged on her skirt, urging her to stay. "But please remember, while writing that report, Negi in no way asked for my help. Because he's too stupid to realize when he's over his head, even if he knew I know!"

"Do I also mention he's stupid?" the man asked. "Because I imagine that would also reflect badly on his performance rev—"

"Just the first part, okay?!"

Jason Blood sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "All of that sounds like such a bother to put down on paper. And now I'll be without a secretary, too. It might take me a while…"

"Thank you very much, Master Blood," she bowed.

"Not that you should take as a cue to linger long," he warned. "I've been known to suffer sudden urges to get things done every once in a while."

"I promise I'll get back as soon as possible," she said with a hand on her heart. "Please tell the neighbors—"

"You were called back home, I know that, 'dear niece'. Well, go before either of us changes their mind, then. Especially you. As for me, I learned long ago I shouldn't try to against the wishes of strong willed women."

"Huh?" Anya blinked. "I didn't know you ever were married…"

"Actually, I'm talking about the reason why I had Etrigan bonded to me." He gestured vaguely with a hand. "I'll tell you about it when you and Negi come back. It's a very interesting tale, particularly for a History enthusiast as him."

"Um, thank you, Master Blood," Anya said, trying to remember when she had told him about Negi's love for History, and failing to do so. "Come on, Courage," she urged as she went out through the door.

The dog sobbed a little, stood on his scrawny hind legs, gave the immortal a jaded, salty look, and outright spoke, "The things I do for love," before following Anya outside.

The immortal looked at them go and then rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

* * *

The much older guard that had been crouched down by his fallen, unconscious partner at the same exact spot Natsuki and Kazumi had visited only minutes ago gasped when he realized two gorgeous, mostly naked girls with night goggles on where running towards them from Wing T-3, the one in the lead holding a gun in each hand. Since in his line of work that was a sign of alert rather than anything else, he just sprang back to his feet, rather than springing up in any other way. That, and he was, as mentioned, old. Not old enough he wasn't still rather fast, however.

"Halt!" he growled, aiming his hand lamp at the intruders, and taking aim with his handgun at the same time. He squeezed the trigger, but fast as he was, Kuga Natsuki was still faster. While Kazumi shrieked and rolled aside, Kuga, who had made sure of adjusting her goggles better after last time, easily ducked under the potentially lethal shot, then efficiently shot the man in the gut with her stunguns. It only took a moment for the guard to drop cold on top of his partner, and Kuga again grabbed Asakura's hand and took her along, both leaping over the men and heading back the same way they had come in while infiltering the laboratories.

From there, the rest was easy.

* * *

"Well? Did you have fun?" Kuga asked dryly as the three of them left the boat at the other side of the small bay, then began climbing up the rocky slide towards the highway and its borders, fully flanked by thick, thorny bushes. The sun already was coming up the East horizon, and Asakura knew they'd have to be fast if they didn't want to be tardy and get asked a whole lot of uncomfortable questions. Although Kuga-sempai was well used to that by now. It didn't have to mean her own near flawless record had to get tarnished too, Asakura thought, but then,nobody ever said the road to become a star reporter would be an easy one.

"Yeah," the redhead said, sighing as Chachamaru gently pulled her the rest of the way up with Natsuki and herself. "But I betcha the fun stops when those guards tell their bosses about us and they make accurate portraits of our faces."

"No problem," Natsuki shrugged. "The stun bullets Chao gave me contain the same magical spellcraft the Associations use to wipe short term memories. Those guys should wake up with no clue of what hit them. Besides, I don't think either of them was looking at your face."

Kazumi had to chuckle at that. "Yeah, you may be right about that." She folded her arms right under her impressive bossom and pushed the skimpy bikini top-clad breasts slightly up. "What can I say, Sempai? Some of us are born with it, and some are oh my God," she gasped. Chachamaru, who had been leading the march, had halted right before the tall set of bushes where they had hid Natsuki's motorcycle early last night, and now held an outstretched arm before them to block their way.

The bushes by the road had been burnt and stomped, literally shredded in all directions, and the expensive bike at their middle had been crumpled and twisted into a compact mass of black metal. Natsuki's eyes watered despite herself as her face paled hideously, but Kazumi was more terrified than livid in outrage as Kuga was. For she could read the Western letters spray painted on the bike's remains, all over it.

 _ **HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA**_.

Kazumi swallowed the huge dry knot in her throat and stammered, "W-Well… no prob, it surely was nothing but a gang of punks passing along, who happened to see the bike and—"

"Sword marks," Chachamaru said.

"I beg your pardon?" Asakura asked.

Chachamaru pointed at several spots on the damaged metal frame. "Kuga-sempai's vehicle of choice was not only burnt and physically squeezed into a roughly spherical shape by what seems to have left prints of small human hands. It also was pierced repeated times by a sharp blade, with a technique that would seem to match Sakurazaki-san's, even if also fueled by far greater savagery."

"I was afraid you'd say that," Kazumi gulped.

"There is no immediate apparent threat, however," Chachamaru added, her sight scanning the surroundings. "I get no readings of any hostile presences around the close perimeter. And the act of vandalism would seem to have been perpetrated hours ago. Whoever commited it should have left before being detected, probably after looking for us in vain."

"Great," Natsuki finally said, running a hand down her tense, sweaty face. "Okay. Fine, no problem. Chao said she'd cover any expenses. So I'm sure she'll damn pay for my damn fine Ducati, and so, I'm not going to get mad and take it out on any machine of hers either."

"A wise course of action, Sempai," Chachamaru kindly complimented.

"However," Kuga glared at her. "Now I expect for said machine of Chao to take me home, since MY machine obviously can't do that anymore."

"I apologize, but my protocols in such an event forbid me from taking flight with any passengers," Karakuri reported. "Not only I could be seen by casual bystanders who might carry on unwanted inquiries afterwards, but such a visible position in the sky would make us clear targets for any of the suspected offenders in this transgression."

"What?!" Kuga shouted.

"She said," Kazumi translated, "that weird fire kid you guys met at Kyoto might see—"

"I know that!" Natsuki protested. "What I mean is, how are we supposed to get back home if she can't fly us! Are you calling Chao to pick us up?!"

Chachamaru gently shook her head. "Negative. If the entity known as Temptress is involved, the reports established by Negi-sensei and Hasegawa-san indicate she is an expert on picking and interrupting electrical and bio-electrical transmissions. The security of the whole network might be compromised."

"Sweet, just sweet," Natsuki hissed bitterly. "What, are we supposed to walk all the way to Mahora then?!"

Asakura hummed, then smiled and snapped her fingers. "You know, I think I might just have a workable solution for that!"

* * *

Sitting in the back of the Fujinos' favorite limousine, side by side, Fujino Shizuru and Suzushiro Haruka had, at long last, found some common ground.

It was a shame neither of them could voice that at the moment, but then, neither would have wanted to anyway.

Still, President and Vice President had silently bonded, in a way that perhaps would even last the whole Festival before blessed normalcy returned, during the past night, all through the meeting with the other Presidents and Vice Presidents of the Four Schools. And the long road trip to Mahora, through the dawn's early light, had barely been any more bearable.

There were Kiryuu Touga and Saionji Kyouichi, from Ohtori, whom Haruka found creepily disgusting, and yet, to her growing horror, to be the most bearable members of the entourage. There had been something that should have bonded her to Kiryuu, in how it had turned out his sister had disappeared in the same strange incident at Tokyo Tower that had claimed Yukino, but the young man's cold and confident borderline indifference when Haruka had spoken to him on the subject had downright turned her off him. As for his green haired cohort, Haruka just thought he was a disgusting sexist pig, that he and Kiryuu were too close for her comfort, and that a man shouldn't have his hair done that way.

After those, there were Jinnai Katsuhito and Kadotani Anzu from CLAMP Gakuen, one of whom was a loudmouthed, insufferable braggart, and the other one being a far too tiny, elementary student-looking pipsqueak, as well as being critically detached from reality and almost as insufferable, not that Haruka could ever pronounce that word, or Kadotani's name for that matter, correctly.

"So," the pale young man with the disturbingly wide smile and the slick, carefully combed black hair kept on boasting, fist firmly tightened and even moving slowly in a way that reminded Haruka too much of her own father. "Then I told him, 'Then how come you don't have the proof, Mizuhara-kun?' And of course, he had nothing to say! It had finally left him speechless, and that was the sweetest day of my life! Oh ho ho ho ho!"

There was also the way that he had the most annoying laughter Haruka had ever heard. Even Yukihiro's paled in comparison.

And finally, of course, there also were the two that made Haruka, and even Shizuru, the most wary of all. Not so much the diminutive (although never as much as Kadotani) girl with pink short hair, but the towering, statuesque, adult looking female sitting by her side, carrying a ceremonial sword with herself with as little concern as Negi-sensei would hold his staff. Haruka had long admired Kiryuin Satsuki's legend, that of the steel fisted ruler who had established a strong control over the unruly School of Hell as soon as she arrived there from Mahora, when she was only a child. And now, meeting the girl in person, she had to admit to being fascinated by her powerful, precise manners, her commanding attitude that wasted no movement or word, her evident power... not to mention her oddly alluring voice. And yet, despite herself, the main emotion Kiryuin inspired in her now, after meeting her in the flesh, was fear. A blunt sensation of dread that insunflated an icy respect into Haruka, despite her brave attempts to not show it.

Haruka's heart almost skipped a beat when she heard the black haired princess of Honnouji dryly comment at the tail end of Jinnai's tale, "However, are you truly sure you made all evidence disappear?"

Jinnai, so far, had been the only one in the car, chauffeur included, who had not seemed intimidated in the slightest by Kiryuin's presence. Foolishly oblivious to Kiryuin's quiet disapproving attitude, he had told his stories with little or no care, but now this piercing question had finally made him stop his cackles, his shifty eyes rotating towards Satsuki, like those of a chameleon. "Evidence? Ah, which evidence, Kiryuin-san? Maybe you have missed a few details in my narration? I'm a fair, honest politician, so of course there never was any evidence of any wrongdoing. It was all just a bluff, a misguided attempt of that blasted Mizuhara Makoto on my person! Ooohhhh, that envious Mizuhara Makoto!" he bristled almost comically. "I'll have him thrown out yet! Before the school year is over!"

His Vice President, who played her cards far closer to her flat chest and knew much better how to keep a pleasant, docile presence before the most dangerous person in the car, only laughed lightly, resorting to well practiced routines of defusing the young man's ego. For a while at least. "Eh he he he, stop it already, Katsu-kun. Why bother fighting Mizuhara-kun so much?"

Jinnai huffed as his hands rested squarely on his knees, fingers tapping on the bone under the blue dressing pants and the thin flesh of the skinny student. "He's the worst thing that might have happened to our Academy, I tell you! Why, to even turn my sister against myself -"

"I see," Kiryuin impassively said. "Well, I am sure if all of those claims he held against you were true, then you would have long ago disposed of him."

"Exactly!" Jinnai nodded vigorously before pausing, torn in sudden confusion. Had she just challenged his competence at being underhanded, just humored his claims of being honest, his implicit claims of being underhanded, or all of those at once? Faced with such a strange conundrum, Jinnai Katsuhito sat back in a perplexed silence and everyone else, silently, admitted they had to be thankful to Kiryuin now.

Perhaps to find a new topic more of her mistress' liking, the pink haired companion looked out the window, at a turn of the road ahead, and sneered, "Fujino-san?" she nasally asked, the dismissive sneer almost making Haruka to feel sympathy for Fujino. "Is this a common sight in the districts surrounding your school?"

* * *

Mere moments ago, Kuga Natsuki had stepped onto the highway, still in nothing but her black bikini, and shot Kazumi and Chachamaru, who still stood on the roadside, a fittingly agressive stare. "I'm not doing this!" she insisted.

"You lost the janken fair and square," Kazumi reminded her, "and you'd given your word! Come on! Is this any worse than what you do in a routine basis while visiting tough bars?"

"Our sincere apologies," Chachamaru humbly bowed her head.

"What, what are you trying to imply?!" Natsuki growled. "I never walk into a bar with any intent but getting information, and I'm always covered from head to toe! I certainly never show myself off like... like this!" she gestured down to her almost bare body.

"Eh, the way those biker suits cling on you, it's not like there's much of a difference, Sempai," Asakura opined. "They look like you're just wearing bodypaint."

"They don't!" Natsuki barked.

"Think of it this way," Asakura reasoned. "The sooner you're done, the sooner you get to be back at home, to put on a burka for all we care. Now struck a pose, Sexy! And make your alma mater proud!"

"I'd rather put a sock in your mouth and-" Natsuki began mumbling while blushing and slowly striking a hitchiking pose with a thumb up.

"Booo!" Asakura hissed. "Not that way! Put more vavoom! More effort! No one's gonna stop it for that!"

"Shut up, you horrible spiky haired troll!" Natsuki yelled at her, her habitual cool aloofness shot down to hell.

"If you'll pardon my intromission, Sempai," Chachamaru humbly requested, "I have to agree with Asakura-san in that you don't seem to be putting your best effort in this endeavor."

"Gee, you think?!" Natsuki said before breathing deeply, then pushing her butt and breasts up, arching her back, and winking an eye, hair tossed back as her new pose fully accentuated her sexuality for any passerby to behold. "Okay, now how about this, wiseasses?! Happy now?!"

"That... That's wonderful!" Asakura cooed, for a moment fearing she might be going kind of gay again. "Um, now stick to it! I can see a car coming right this way! Hoo, and it's a limo, at that! We might have just hit the jackpot!"

"A... limo?" Natsuki babbled, looking that way and freezing in place, recognizing the vehicle that was, right now, stopping right before them, the back window rolling down.

Asakura made a small gasping sound as she recognized the first face peeking out the limousine with faint, disbelieving dismay, and then the abrupt loud guffaws accompanying the loud sounds of Suzushiro-sempai hysterically laughing and slapping on her own knee. Poor Kuga-sempai had begun to twitch and almost cry, trembling violently while the whole of her flesh flushed cherry red.

Kiryuin Satsuki, still out of Asakura's immediate field of view, looked back and forth between Natsuki, Shizuru and Haruka, compared their respective reactions, and slowly rubbed on her own chin, her mind already starting complicated calculations for the future of Mahora.

"What an immoral and decadent area is this," Jakuzure Nonon shook her head with bitter criticism.

* * *

 **To be Continued**.


	6. Act Four

_Mahou Sensei Negima!_ is the creation and registed property of Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha.

 _To Love Ru_ is the creation and registred property of Hasemi Saki, Yabuki Kentaro and Shueisha.

Any resemblance between the events, locations and characters of this story and any events, locations or individuals from real life is nothing but a mere, incredible coincidence.

* * *

 **Life's a Festival.**

 **By OverMaster and Shadow Crystal Mage**.

* * *

 **Act Four: Alien Seed**.

* * *

 _Monday. Four Days before the Mahora Festival:_

* * *

Outer space. The unfathomable depths of the fascinating, endless cosmos. The final frontier, other than Death and the heart of a maiden. The infinite field of shining stars in their majestic glory.

In space, nobody can hear you gasp.

"Do you mean, Lady Momo and Lady Nana have– ?!"

The tall, muscular, silver haired man in obviously evil black spiky armor gasped as he stood before the huge main communication holoscreen of his spaceship, currently orbiting the outskirts of that dingy star system in Sector 2814 that housed the last Kryptonian. For said system's standards, he was devastatingly handsome and well-built, a peak example of humanoid male beauty, with cold, gray eyes and fair skin that had never been seriously marred in combat.

It wasn't because of a lack of serious combat experience, far from it. It was the opposite, as that ship was feared across the known universe, and even commercial vessels with little to fear from Deviluke still steered away from it as often as they could, even if that meant having to take long, time consuming detours. Its captain, while still young, was such an accomplished warrior he would often clear wide paths through foolish enemy armies on his own. His opponents had little to no chance against him.

He was that good. At being bad. Or bad-ass. Whatever.

Still, his might and skill paled before those of the tiny, gnome-looking cartoon of a man on the screen, lazily resting on his sinister throne, long black tail erratically swinging around.

"Yeah," the black-haired imp heavily decorated with fine jewelry sneered, his chin nestled on a fist, his elbow on an armrest while his short legs clad in baggy black pants swung over the other. "They should be reaching that planet by now. I'm not happy Lala is spending her time at that dump, Zastin, it's beyond 'bad enough' Nana and Momo want to be there as well. Find them and bring them back, or else."

"Understood, Your Majesty," the tall man said, bowing as much as the small platoon of Men in Black, all wearing the same type of concealing shades, standing behind him. "I'll be on my way immediately."

"Just be careful," Emperor Gid Deviluke warned him. "That site's far enough from the Kryptonian's usual stomping grounds, but Momo and Nana still can be a handful."

"Please trust me, My Liege," Captain Zastin humbly requested. "If there is any man in this galaxy who can capture two daughters of your glorious house, that is me, your most loyal subject!"

Gid hummed, idly tapping his fingers on a cheek. "You know, there's something kinda strange in the way that sentence was phrased, but maybe it's for your best I don't dwell too deep into it..."

* * *

 _Earth, Third Rock From The Local Star_.

It was just another uneventful, quiet night at the Yuuki household at Mahora City.

Three of the family's younger members, big brother Rito, cousin Nao and Rito's alien fiancee Lala, lounged on the couch before the TV, watching the latest episode of 'Magical Kyoko'.

The redheaded Nao snorted. "This crap just hasn't been the same since the 'interdimensional travel' arc."

"Yeah, I can see that, the story just jumps wildly from one point to another now, the continuity's become a mess, and the reboots only made things more confusing..." the orange haired Rito thoughtfully nodded. "Wait, are we talking this show or Ben 10?"

Rito's little dark haired sister, pineapple hairstyled-Mikan, walked in from the next room with a large empty basket in her hands. "Rito!" she called out. "While I go get the clothes from the line, can you fill the bathtub?"

"Ah, that's right, it's my turn tonight," Rito remembered, standing up and walking past the captive Lala, who stared at the screen with round starry eyes while stuffing her mouth with cheese snacks. "I'll get to it!"

"Thank you," Mikan nodded as him as he went past her, then frowned at the TV show. "I thought you'd decided to stop watching that?"

"Nothing better on TV at the time," Nao shrugged indolently.

"I don't remember ever promising anything like that," Lala summed up, her attention still glued on Magical Kyoko as the fiery heroine roasted another enemy soldier alive in the small screen... "Oh, look, look, you can see part of the suit melting, hah ha ha ha! They can't even hire or breed real monsters, that's great!"

* * *

Rito stopped as he heard strange, (probably literally) alien sounds coming from inside the house's bathroom. Well, other than the pitch and tone of the voices (at least he guessed those were human voices, although he couldn't make out the words or even the language), they weren't actually strange sounds, they sounded just like people bathing normally, moaning and talking casually to each other.

Of course, given how the only current inhabitants of the house were himself, Mikan, Lala and Nao, that was strange by itself, hearing other people in there. It wasn't like Mikan to invite her friends for a sleepover without telling him first (especially since that Incident, and he was really glad no one decided to press charges), and even if Mom and Dad ever deigned to visit them at the same time, those didn't sound like them at all, unless they'd taken up weird roleplaying to spice up their marriage.

Which Rito supposed they kinda needed, because seriously.

He sighed and knocked on the door.

"Who is that?" moaned one of the girlish voices from the inside.

"It's me, Rito," he said.

"Who's Rito?" asked another voice breathlessly.

"Um, the man of the house," he said. "You know, the house you're in despite the fact I don't remember ever being told you'd be here, whoever you are?"

"I think," the first voice moaned, "that's Lala's fiance."

"I thought that guy's name was Yue?" the second voice panted.

"No, no, no no no," First Voice said. "That's her fiancee. The girl, yanno. Oh, yeah… "

"I thought the girl was named Haruna? Ah, careful!"

"No, no no no no. That's the other girl, Nana, for real, do you ever pay attention?! Ah! Okay, you do, you do, ah, don't stop!"

"Oh," Voice-Named-Nana said, then added, "This planet's sure got weird names. They remind me of the Juraians. Kinky bastards."

Rito finished running his hand up and down his face and said, voice strained in impatience, "I'd like to use my bathroom. Not that I have any objections against lending my bathroom to people who just ask nicely first, but-"

"Oh, you're one of those types, aren't you," Voice-Named-Nana said dismissively, almost contemptuously. "The 'my rights over my house, blah blah blah, even above the absolute right of royalty', am I wrong? Honestly, liberals! Fine, whatever, get in, we were almost finished already."

"Yes, we're almost finished! Finish me, finish me! Ah!"

Rito still doubted. "Are you sure? I mean, are you-"

"Oh, if you aren't getting in then just leave already!" Voice-Named-Nana cried, and Rito exhaled as she panted loudly.

"Okay, fine, thanks for being polite enough as to let me use my own bathroom, I really appreciate that..." he said, assuming those two girls had already toweled dry and dressed up, which proves his parents are just wasting money on his education. They sounded like friends of Lala's, just what he needed! At least by now weeks of hanging around Ala Alba had left him savvy enough as to not just walk in and get the stuffing kicked out of him. It's what he'd have stupidly done before becoming Haruna's boyfriend...

(This narrative is interrupted by the hours of laughter of the production crew)

He stepped in after pushing the door open, went wide-eyed at the two completely naked pink haired girls standing by the tub and drying each other's tails and bodies with matching towels, and dropped on his back with a girlish squeak and a strong shot of blood from his nose.

The two girls with black tails, who were nearly identical save for the length of their hair and the size of their breasts, looked at each other.

"What's the problem with this guy?!" asked Nana of her sister, still feeling a bit shaky and enjoying her ail being rubbed.

"I think he was embarrassed of seeing us with no clothes on?" guessed her twin, licking her finger.

"What?! Why?! He's not even our own species!"

"He's still close enough Lala wanted to marry him, so...?" the bigger-chested alien shrugged.

"That's because Lala's weird like that!"

"Dad and Mom aren't the same species either!"

"That's because they're weird like that, too!"

The other sister sighed. "Even if he's from an inferior species, don't you think we should stop arguing and help him out? His face's all purple now, and losing all that blood just can't be healthy, no matter the race..."

* * *

"Nana, Momo!" Lala beamed one of her best huge and bright smiles, looking at the two smaller girls sitting before her in the Yuuki living room. "It's been such a while, what a nice surprise!"

They were both wearing matching red, green and black dresses of elaborate design and silky looking fabric, complete with shiny black shoes and tall, striped stockings. Nana had her longer hair made in twintails, while Momo's curved around her pleasant smile, framing it nicely, and held back by a black hairband on the front, shortly above her forehead.

In the other hand, Lala wore simple shorts and a white blouse that complimented her bustline rather strikingly, her feet bare and Peke's humanoid form hanging from her left shoulder. Rito, Mikan and Nao sat behind her, each examining the newcomers carefully with their gaze.

"Ahem," Nana coughed formally into a small fist. She still was having problems articulating the local race's language, even with the translator Momo had implanted into her… best not to think of where. Stupid proximity to brain stem. "It's great to see you again too, Lala. How do you do, everyone. I'm Deviluke's second princess, Nana Aster Deviluke."

"And I'm Deviluke's third princess, Momo Belia Deviluke," the short haired girl said more humbly, with a small bow towards the backwater peasants."Please to meet you."

"Alright," the Yuuki siblings' cousin said. "I'm Nao. Hey, Lala, you never mentioned you had any sisters, did you?"

"Well, she mentioned it to us in the English Research Society," Rito pointed out.

"She talks about them all the time, but you're never paying any attention," Mikan told Nao.

"That might be it..." Nao shrugged, looking aside. "So, why are you guys here all of a sudden, anyway?"

"Fufu, there's no good reason in particular," Momo chuckled. "We just happened to miss our dear big sister and came over to see her again, why would we have any ulterior motives at all?"

"Okay," Nao said, "that's a thing someone without ulterior motives would say."

"Wh-What makes you doubt our imperial word?!" Nana protested. "If we say there are no ulterior motives, then there aren't any!"

"Good, that's what I just said," Nao told her.

"Good!" Nana violently agreed.

"Good indeed," Nao passively nodded.

"Ah ha ha," Momo gave a little, ladylike laugh, "it's so great seeing Lala has so many good friends here! Then again, she never had any difficulties making them, no matter where she went!"

"Even when she used up all the spare computer parts," Nana said.

"And on the subject of going places, Lady Momo," Peke said, "where did you leave your private ship before getting into this house?"

"Not only that," Mikan added, "but how did you break-in in the first place? Why didn't you just ring? We'd gladly have welcomed you in, you didn't have to startle Rito like that..."

Nana waved a hand. "A princess doesn't have to beg for permission to go into anyone's house, that's just plain demeaning. Just ask Snow White! Regarding our ship, we cloaked it and left it well hidden in the woods near here, where nobody will ever be able to find it."

"Okay, and surely there's no way that statement will be proved deeply wrong later on, either," Nao deadpanned.

Nana clenched her teeth. "You awful girl, why do you keep saying things like that when we reassure you on something?!"

"Why do you keep treating me like that when I'm only agreeing with you?" Nao asked back while aloofly looking at her own fingernails.

"I can hear your sarcasm!" Nana cried. "It's the universal language!"

Peke sighed. "Fine, leaving that aside for the moment, how about your father? Has the Emperor been properly notified about this development?"

"Oh yeah, of course he was told!" Momo quickly nodded.

"Momo... took care of that," Nana uneasily circled around the subject. "And I'm sure she did it as well as she does everything else."

Momo giggled at her. "Oh, now you're acting just like Nao-san here!"

Nana stared at her venomously. "Just say that again, I dare you!"

Momo's smile cracked a bit, and her eyes grew suddenly sharper and darker. "Ah, ah, Nana, have we already forgotten what happened last time you dared me to do something...?"

Nana huffed, springing back to her feet and readying her fists. "Do you think you can keep intimidating me forever? I've been training a lot since then!"

"Don't fight! Don't fight!" Mikan clapped her hands twice, frowning, and immediately both twins sat back down, muttering half-hearted apologies under their breaths.

Rito gave Mikan an awed look. "Why does it work when YOU say it?!"

Mikan smiled and wagged a finger. "Silly Rito, it only works when it's a girl saying it! Now, while we're very happy to have you both here, and you're even welcomed to stay as long as you want, in this house we aren't fond of fights or anything else that disrupts our domestic bliss. I hope you'll understand that, as it's not asking for too much. Besides, as this is a traditional Japanese home, we'd be very grateful if you took your shoes off when you're inside..."

Right then, a massive hole was blasted through their ceiling from the outside, making the Yuukis leap back with near-identical shrieks, and through the newly opened large gap on the house's roof and upper ceiling dropped three tall and imposing figures. The two lesser ones were sharply dressed men in solid black with impossibly cool shades, but otherwise looking rather normal if still Hollywood action movie-level of dangerous. As for the tallest of them all, however, he was far more impressive, larger than life in looks and presence, with his spiky ominous dark armor on and the massive sharp sword held in his right hand, one that was as long as Rito was tall.

"Oh my God!" Rito gasped. "Not another one! Where's the Senshi when you need them?"

"My young life!" Nao gasped, taking a hand to her throat.

"My floor!" Mikan gasped, staring at the biggest man's sturdy boots and the cracks right under them, on the spot where he'd landed. "My ceiling!"

"Zastin!" Lala gasped, taking a step towards them. "What are you doing here... and why didn't you just knock? YOU aren't royalty, you don't have that excuse!"

"My heartfelt apologies, Princess Lala," the armored man said, with a manly, deep, powerful voice that almost briefly made Nao forget her visceral hatred for men. Almost. "However, I received instructions from your father to carry on this assignment as quickly and swiftly as possible, no matter the costs. Oh, and good evening, Lady Peke. Looking good tonight."

"Same for you, Lord Zastin!" Peke casually said, waving a tiny hand from the shoulder where she still was perched. "Maul, Smutts, nice to see you again, too."

"I... I think I'll go for more tea, if you'll excuse me..." Mikan stiffly decided, marching over for the kitchen. "In the meanwhile, please do something about those shoes, remember, this is a Japanese home..."

Zastin looked at her go, then asked Lala, "Your Excellency, was that Yue or Haruna?"

"Neither," Lala said. "That's Mikan, Rito's sister."

"I see." He looked around. "Then, where is that Yuuki Rito, conqueror of the Princess' heart? Before I leave, I'd like to cross swords with him, and see if he's worthy of inheriting the dark throne..."

"That's him!" Nana said, quickly pointing at the terrified Rito, all too eager to distract attention away from herself while she came up with an escape plan.

Zastin looked at the trembling, pale boy with a complete lack of expression, then looked back at Nana. "Your Mirthful Magnificence, your sense of sarcastic humor remains as delightful as ever, but I'm afraid this isn't the time-"

"Um, no, she's right. This is my dear Rito!" Lala grinned, wrapping an arm around the shocked boy and pulling him to her side while Nao cringed and shrank back. "Rito, Rito, this is Zastin, the captain of our fleet and our deadliest warrior!"

Now Zastin stared at Rito again, now almost aghast through his mask of perfect, semi-divine confidence. "What? Do my ears deceive me? This lowly creature, this underfed weakling, is he your mate of choice, my Princess?!"

Lala frowned. "Zastiiiiiiiiiiiiiin! You never objected that much to Lacospo, and he doesn't even reach Rito's knees!"

Rito blinked. "Lacospo? Who's Lacospo?"

Zastin grew more agitated. "Lord Lacospo is a different case, he commands a planet of his own, and he was your father's choice, I had no say against his wisdom! This runt obviously holds no political or physical power, however!"

"He holds power... over my heart!" Lala said with a grandiose gesture of a hand. "Isn't that enough?"

Zastin cringed, giving a step back. Nao, Nana, Momo, Maul, Smutts and Rito all facepalmed at the corny line.

"Besides," Lala said, "if Dad had sent you to test him, you'd have arrived to challenge him long ago. I know him, he's waiting to see if I grow bored of him, but please tell him that won't happen. Then you can come back and challenge him to a duel if that's Dad will, but not before!"

"That's so sweet of you, Lala," Rito sweated ice. "Giving me more time to prepare my funeral!"

Zastin scowled. "I, I had no idea the situation was this dire. As a commander, I'm supposed to take the initiative in the event I consider intervention is needed. And I cannot possibly return to my Lord's side after approving of your engagement to someone this... lacking!" He swung his sword aside and casually sliced the couch in two, the blade not even touching it, from the mere impact of the shock wave alone.

"Hey! That was private property, and my favorite couch too! I'll tell Dad!" Lala said, while Rito felt his soul sinking into an unfathomable abyss and Nana began quietly trying to pull an unmoving, wide-eyed Momo towards the nearest exit.

"Please try to understand!" Zastin told her. "My Lady, the succession to the throne is no trivial matter, and as the First Princess, you should know that better than anyone! Your husband has to be someone who can stand side by side with the most feared tyrants and conquerors of the galaxy, stare into their eyes with no fear, challenge their muscle with his own! Am I to believe this spineless worm, who shakes in fear at the mere sight of underlings like us, might ever fulfill that role?"

The men in black nodded sagely at that, until one of them tentatively asked, "Wait, My Lord, are we 'underlings' now? I thought we were glorious elite of the best the Empire had to offer..."

"Be quiet, you!" Lala chided him. "Zastin, Rito commands as much power as Lacospo did, if not moreso! He's part of Ala Alba!"

Silence fell.

"Ala what?" Momo timidly asked.

Lala smiled smugly, hands on her shapely hips. "Ala Alba! One of the greatest forces on this planet! Including the ever living Vampire Witch of legend, the son of the Man of a Thousand Spells, the Goddess of the Future, King Arthur, Haruna the daughter of the most ass-kicking martial artist ever, and of course, me! And Rito is one of its leading figures! They call him The Beast, and they're afraid of him ever stumbling their way! Women repeatedly lose their clothes over him and his brothers-in-arms! Mock Ala Alba at your own risk, Zastin!"

Nao blinked haplessly, while Mikan, standing at the doorstep with a tray of tea cups in her hands, gaped quietly, after exclaiming "My couch!"

Nana only frowned, not buying a single word of that bogus speech, but Momo just clamped her hands over her chest and cooed in glee. "Ooohhhhh, I knew iiiiiiit! Lala's lovers had to be so cool...!"

Zastin scowled thoughtfully, trying to read on Rito's twitching, hideously grimacing face. "Are you," he asked him, "the leader of that organization?"

"Ahhh... no, I'm not," he had to admit. "But, but I'm the most feared man in there!" Which technically was true, in a way, at least by most of the girls, who always would keep their distance with him more than they would with Keiichi or Itoshiki-sensei.

"If so, why are you not leader?" Zastin demanded.

"I hate the paperwork," Rito said.

Zastin and his underlings considered this and nodded. That was a very acceptable reason to not be the leader of an elite group.

Then Rito realized something else, and asked Lala, "Wait. King Arthur?"

Lala nodded. "Saber. It was all so painfully obvious once I picked up a book on Arthurian lore up...! Now I get why Negi acts that way around her!"

"Saber-san is King Arthur?! But, she's a girl!" Rito protested. "Oh, never mind, anyway!" he turned back to Zastin, gaining more courage out of despair. "Anyway, if I respect Lala's wish to stay here, can't you respect that too?! She's your Princess after all! She doesn't have to marry anyone she doesn't want to marry, why do you have to push that on her while threatening others?!"

"Because he's a tool of the royalty?" Nana pointed out. "Do understand, as a servant of Father's will, he is to carry out his orders to the letter, never to fail in his assignments or else he'll get his pay cut, which means he won't be able to afford his haircare products..."

"Verily," Zastin nodded, grimly sheathing his sword back and fluffing his hair. "I'm so glad you have such a firm grasp of my situation, Lady Nana. Thanks for reminding me of my primary assignment tonight."

"You're welcome," Nana magnanimously said before frowning at her twin. "And now why are you facepalming, Mom- Oh. Crap."

Zastin stared coldly at Rito. "The Emperor will be properly informed of your status, although I suspect it hasn't escaped his all seeing eye. I shall hold my sword from striking you for now. The Princesses are correct in that it would be a personal initiative of mine, under the current circumstances, for my mission is not to bring Lady Lala back for now..."

"Oh, that's good to hear, glad we cleared this misunderstanding up, then..." Rito swallowed.

"However!" Zastin glared at Momo and Nana. "I was told you were to be returned to your studies, immediately!"

"UWAAAAAA!" Momo and Nana cried at once.

Mikan's eyes shrank down to dots. "Don't tell me..."

"... these two are just children skipping classes?" Nao finished her guess, just as disturbed.

"W-We don't wanna!" Nana wailed.

"Those studies are awful and we don't need them!" Momo sobbed. "Who cares about galactic law?! It's not like anyone actually knows all those stupidly specific Green Lantern codes by heart!"

A universe away, someone sneezed.

"While you both are geniuses in your respective fields of expertise," Zastin chastised them while accepting the cup of tea a shaky Mikan was offering him with a politely absent nod, "you still need to be educated further in the history of our Empire and the geography of the Galaxy. That cannot be helped, and why would you flee from it? Such is a privilege most would kill for..."

"What if," Lala proposed, "I tutor them while they stay with us? I know all there's to know about History and Galactography, it'll be easy! I have the doctorates to prove it!"

"You... You do?" Nao said in a suspicious, wary tone.

Zastin looked at his First Princess. "My all-knowing liege, while you are indeed qualified for that task, those weren't the terms your father had dictated for this assignment..."

"But if they stay here," Lala happily added, "not only can I teach them that, but Negi can teach them on the history, geography, languages, and lots of other cool things of Earth, too! That'll make for a much, much better and more complete education!"

"Who is this 'Negi' you speak of, Lala?" Momo asked, vaguely intrigued by that name. It sounded somewhat... cute?

"One of Rito's feared comrades-in-arms," Lala said. "The leader of Ala Alba!"

"Ah, the one who does all the paperwork?" Nana said.

"Yup!"

Zastin sighed. "I'm not sure learning anything on this backwater planet is worth the time of any of you. I'm sure it was even scheduled to be destroyed like ten years ago, I half-remember the Saiyans being hired to send one of their own here to-"

"Nonsense, if that had happened, the planet's population would have been terminated already," Lala waved the objection away, in a fashion that barely made the Earthlings any more comfortable. "Regardless, what do you say? Are you saying 'no' to three of your princesses, Zastin?"

Nana pouted. "I haven't agreed yet on staying her-"

"Would you rather going back to our teachers, Nana?" Momo asked, buffing her fingernails on her chest. "If so, you're welcome, I think we needed some time apart from each other already..."

Nana cringed. "On second thought, I believe I'll take my chances here! This planet seems to have some interesting animal life left, and I'd like studying it before it goes extinct!"

Zastin exhaled. "I will not go against the word of your father, even when measured against your collective wishes. I am sorry." He unsheathed his sword again, and Rito quickly pulled Nao and Mikan back behind himself. "If you wish to stop me from doing so, you will have to defeat me in combat first!"

"Okay," Lala said.

"Okay?!" Rito cried. "Whaddyamean 'okay', are you nuts?!"

"However!" Lala pointed at Zastin. "If you challenge one of Ala Alba, you challenge all of us! That's our motto, well, along with 'Audacia Paula', 'Magic is what you want it to be', and 'Ask Takamichi, Negi'! I think it's just fair, as one of Ala Alba's warriors, Rito gets to fight you alongside his comrades, for the sake of my sisters, Zastin!"

"Are you getting Haruna-chan and the others involved in this now?!" Rito demanded. "You aren't satisfied with my grave, you have to keep dragging more people in?!"

Zastin nodded at Lala. "I'm perfectly fine with that. Bring them on, no matter who are they, or how they happen to do battle, they shall still fall to my blade! As long as I am on a mission from Gid Deviluke, I am unstoppable!"

"Okay, and surely there's no way that statement will be proved deeply wrong later on, either," Momo deadpanned.

Nana and Nao stared hostilely at her.

She smirked, eyes half-closing. "What? I was unaware you had legally cornered the local market on the sarcastic retort..."

* * *

"Hello?" Negi said, dutifully picking the phone up as soon as it rang.

Chisame didn't stop diligently tapping on her computer keyboard, and Satomi didn't even notice the call as she kept on working on her latest mechanical design, but perennial hanger-on Matoi, who had been quietly sweeping the dorm's floor stopped to pay attention. From where she hung upside down vampire-Batman-style right by the living room's window, staying out of detection from the room's inhabitants so far and ignoring all the people down below pointing up at 'the weirdly-shaped giant bee hive', the Black Rose Baron also tensed up and perked her ears up.

Well, in all honesty, one of the room's inhabitants had caught on her presence long ago, but Chamo had chosen just to sit back and let her be while listening to Negi's phone conversation. By now he knew too well you'd better just humor Nekane whenever she decided to do something really weird like that.

"Oh, Yuuki-san, what a pleasant surprise," Negi said with a smile and a nod. "Yes, we're all fine here, thanks for asking. Why do you- Oh." He his voice faltered a bit as Rito's voice grew agitated through the line.

Now Chisame was standing right behind him and looming over him ominously. "What. Is. Wrong. This. Time?" she growled through clenched teeth.

Absently, Negi gestured for her to be silent as he listened, paying the utmost attention to each word. "Well, it's good to know you're all fine, of course. No, I'm sure Haruna-san won't mind. Why would she? Um, yeah, on the other hand, I can see why that would be a problem..."

 _"Sen-sei..."_ Chisame hissed threateningly, sending goosebumps all over the back of Negi's neck, but the boy bravely soldiered on.

"Are you sure that's even legal, even through alien laws?" Negi asked Rito. "Huh, they even brought a lawyer in, then? Well, they're expected to carry weapons of mass destruction around, I suppose..."

"Negi!" Chisame indignantly cried.

Negi raised his voice a little so he could keep the conversation going. "No, no, there's no need to panic, of course. No! Whatever you do, don't tell your family anything! Try the excuses we practiced at the- That sharp, huh? W-Well, just stall for time until we get there, even in the worst case scenario I could wipe their- There's no need to threaten me like that, Yuuki-san, I'm only trying to help you here!"

Chisame seethed, her hands flexing around Negi's throat, dangerously close to actually touching that neck that looked so easy to twist around, even if she knew she'd only hurt her hands badly in the attempt...

"Yes, I'm sorry as well. Don't worry, we're on our way. Yes, of course. Keep a positive mind! ... no, Itoshiki-sensei's way is never the correct solution, no matter how much we may love him, why would you ever say that? We'll be there before you even realize it. See you there, then..."

He sighed, put the phone down, and calmly spun around to evenly stare into Chisame's red-veined eyes. "It's Yuuki-san."

"I noticed..." Chisame wheezed in expectant anger. "Whose panties did he fall face-first into this time?"

He chuckled awkwardly. "Y-Yeah, I thought so, and looks like Lala-san's twin sisters have dropped by his house... you remember how she told us about them, don't you, Chisame? I mean, it's not like with Mizore-chan or Honoka-chan, where-"

"Go on..." Chisame grumbled so darkly Negi wished he was facing Sextum instead, and he swallowed and nodded.

"Looks like their visit wasn't authorized by their father, however, and so he sent an elite Royal Guard and his squad after them, and now the Guard demand a fight with Ala Alba for the honor of the House of Deviluke or he'll destroy Mahora?" Negi quickly blurted out, feeling all warmth and half of the life leaving his body as he spoke...

And then Chisame blinked, frowned, and pulled back. "Okay," she said.

Negi blinked as well. "Okay?!"

"It's just Yuuki-san's girl trouble, isn't it?" Matoi piped in. "So it doesn't bother Chisame-sama, then. She'd only have been angry if it had been more of your girl troubles..."

"Ah!" Negi gasped. "Tsunetsuki-san! You were here!"

She nodded. "Yes, always."

"What, what are you trying to say, Tsunetsuki?!" Chisame protested. "Geez, you try acting like a rational, understanding person and this is what you get?! All I was thinking was I can't get mad at Sensei since it wasn't his fault in the first place an alien princess fell from the sky on that Perverted Beast!"

"It's kind of Sensei's fault they were inducted into Ala Alba's sphere of influence, however," a still-working Satomi said from where she sat, giving her first signs of having been following the exchange at all.

"Satomi-san, not helping!" Negi half-hissed her way.

"Nah, I'm chalking all of that up to Haruna's tab," Chisame gloomily decided. "Which is why I'll kill her if that alien doesn't do it for us, but hey, it's okay, right? Chances are the alien will be just dangerous enough to pull off the job, so let's go already! I'd hate to arrive late and missing the part where he stomps her bones into a fine black dust..."

Negi made a highly concerned face. "Good thing the summer spring is close, Chisame," he observed. "I think the stress of your studies might be affecting you just a bit..."

"MY STUDIES ARE THE LAST THING PUTTING A TOLL ON ME NOW, SENSEI!" his bedmate exploded.

"Ah, that's good to know, I guess, since your education should be the most important thing for you right now..." a relieved Negi said.

From her spying point, the nerve wracked Nekane was really torn between being highly proud of his priorities or highly unnerved by them...

* * *

"Good evening, Sempai," Chisame said as soon as Rito opened the front door for them. "Your house is still standing, so I guess-"

"Chisame, please, don't," Negi sighed, walking past her and shaking the sweaty hand of the haunted looking, fixed-stare sporting older boy. "We came as soon as we could, Yuuki-san. What's the exact situation now?"

"Ah, Negi, Chisame, Matoi and Satomi!" Lala happily waved from where she sat on the mild wreckage of the living room, sharing a 4-way Mario Kart course on the house's Nintendo with her sisters and Zastin. "And Chamo too, even! Glad you could make it!"

Not too far from them, on different chairs brought from the dining room, sat Haruna, Ku Fei, Yue, Nodoka, Mikan and Nao, all of them but the first two with expressions and postures more befitting a funeral than anything else. Ku was only stuffing her mouth with cookies and Haruna only grinned from ear to ear, greeting the newcomers with a firm few nods.

Rito mechanically herded Negi's quartet inside as the boy teacher looked around the room, the twins pausing the game so they and Zastin could get their first good look at them. "Hm, good evening, Your Highnesses, and Sir... Zastin, am I right?" the boy teacher lowered his head as he fell to one knee before them, a gesture that Chisame and Matoi shared reluctantly a moment after. Satomi only stood where she had been, unwilling to kneel just yet. "Welcome to Earth, our humble planet..."

"Oh, he's so polite and kind!" Momo approved, clapping twice and then skipping merrily towards him, chest bouncing as she grabbed Negi by the cheeks and pulled on them with a playful giggle. Instantly, Chisame and Nodoka softly bristled under their breaths. "You must be Negi! I'm Momo Belia Deviluke and this is Nana! So pleased to meet you!"

"Professor," the huge man in armor cold but very respectfully said, bowing for them. "It is reassuring to see at least some locals of this planet can follow the basic protocols while meeting royalty. Your foreheads are not touching the floor, but I will assume that is just a cultural difference brought from your modest education..."

"Zastin!" Momo chided, shooting him a brief poisonous back glance over her shoulder. "What have I told you about mocking other cultures only because they happen to be inferior?"

Nana blinked. "But, you are insulting them too when you-"

"Quiet, Nana," her sister said before moving over to hug Chisame, much to the cosplayer's shock and Matoi's immediate outrage. "And you must be Chisame! And you, Matoi!" she immediately went over to hug Matoi as well, causing the stalker to quickly shift from anger to complete confusion. "I've heard you're a real crusader of True Love! That's good, good, I really like people who are like that! Keep it up!"

Then she released the still perplexed Tsunetsuki and faced Hakase with a softer smile, not hugging her yet. "And you are... Satomi, or am I wrong?"

"You are not," Satomi said, frowning a little.

Momo laughed, reaching over to pat her on a shoulder. "I haven't heard much about you yet, but Paru here and Lala told me you have worked on science projects with my big sis! It's remarkable, for someone to keep up with Lala's scientific drive, so you have my congratulations!"

Satomi blinked. "Oh, as a matter of fact, we have only had the time to work together on a few of the appliances for our Haunted House project for the School Festival, but-"

"That's fascinating, I'm sure," Momo shook her head while looking back at where Negi had moved in to converse with Nodoka and Yue, paying attention to what they were saying to each other instead, "but we'll have to talk on the subject later. Well? Where's the rest of you?"

"Um," Rito blandly said, "I don't have the others' phone numbers, really, but I think Haruna-chan does, so..."

"Sempai," Chisame said, "I'm not sure it'll be that wise to call everyone here. I mean, Emiya-sempai and Saber-san, sure thing, and Konoe and Kagurazaka and Sakurazaki, too, but..."

"Bring as many of your numbers as you can summon," Zastin said with steady confidence not quite entering full prideful boast just yet. "I imagine you will need a full lineup of your ranks to stand a chance against the elite troops of the Royal Guard."

"What Lord Zastin said," Smutts said, appearing right behind Zastin's right side.

"In truth, please bring forth some adults quickly, will you?" Maul said, appearing right behind Zastin's left side. "It just won't feel right, to wage battle against mere children like the lot of you..."

"Ah!" Matoi gasped. "You were here!"

"Yes, always," the two bodyguards nodded like one.

Matoi took a thumb to her mouth, deeply chewing into it. "Damn, you're good! You must be moved by some really DEEP LOVE for your commander! Not like there's anything wrong with that, of course..."

"I beg your pardon?" Maul asked, visibly blinking under his concealing sunglasses.

"I think you might be better off not knowing. An inferior civilization thing, I guess," Chamo sighed, then waving up for Ku. "Yo, Anego! What are you doing here?"

Ku swallowed a large mouthful and then waved down at the ermine. "Nihao, Weasel-Boy! Well, I just overhear call to Paru saying very strong men challenged Paru to duel, so I thought I come with her to see! Hopefully get piece of action too! These guys look strong too, so maybe this no waste of time-aru."

Zastin smirked. "Strong is a basic word to describe the power of our Special Forces, young Ma'am. We are the arm of bloody justice that strikes through the whole galaxy, we are the greatest expression of the Emperor's omnipotent will, we are-!"

Haruna chuckled. "How cute! He sounds just like Tohsaka-sempai's Servant!"

"He does, doesn't it?" Lala happily nodded.

"We are not 'cute', Ma'am!" Zastin indignantly said, keeping his nose very high. "We bring forth untold nightmares to our enemies before their eyes close forever, we raze their grounds and strip their bones of all flesh, we-"

"Zastin," Momo frowned. "It's okay if you aren't cute, because you really aren't, but don't describe yourself in those terms either. We are making us sound like a gang of mindless psychopaths. Or worse, Saiyans."

"Oh, the idea never crossed my mind!" Haruna piously said, bringing her hands together. "It's okay, Zastin-sama, I understand you're just upholding an image, that's a principle the Saotome School has fully embraced through generations as well..."

"We are not only 'upholding an image'!" Zastin protested. "We really are that fearsome and powerful! Ye Gods, now I see why you would drive Golden Darkness to insanity!"

Haruna blinked. "You know about Yami and me?"

Zastin shrugged with a disgusted scowl. "When reports arrived to us of Golden Darkness' capture in this planet, they included details on her constantly shouting 'Damn that perverted Saotome Haruna!'"

And Haruna cooed gleefully, almost floating up with hands clamped on her chest. "So I _am_ that important to her! Maybe I have hopes with her yet, isn't that just great, Rito-chan...?!"

"Ergh," Rito non-commitally said.

Momo smirked. "I think I really like this girl a lot. A veritable great catch here, Lala...!"

"I saw her first," Lala said flatly.

"Well, you've got a pretty good eye, Your Highness," Chamo jovially told Momo while Negi gave Rito the number of Asuna's apartment, since he didn't want to use the Pactio cards in front of Mikan and Nao. "All of my brother Negi's partners in adventure are excellent, uh, adventurers and fighters, but Haruna also has-"

"Chamo," Chisame grunted at him.

"Yes, Anego?" he smiled at her.

"You've been talking. In front of them," Chisame icily said, pointing at the very interested looking Nao and Mikan.

"Why, of course I've been, Anego," the ermine nodded. "Why wouldn't I? What point is there on hiding my true nature anymore like a certain false plush doll is doing?" he asked, making Kero, who hung from Nodoka's unexplained backpack where she actually kept assorted Clow Card captoring and librarian gear, pop a vein on his head. "After everything they have been exposed through by living with Princess Lala, they should well know I am... an alien ermine!"

"What," Chisame said. "No, wait, the word is rather WHAT?!"

Chamo laughed condescendingly. "C'mon, Anego, let's stop pretending. What are they going to believe, that I'm magical or some other illogical crap like that? It's clear I'm another alien, right, girls?"

"Okay," Nao slowly said, "in the light of everything else, yeah, that actually makes sense. No wonder you guys are so weird! You all are aliens!"

"I am not!" Chisame protested.

"Negi-sensei is technically an alien, however," Satomi pointed out. "Remember he was born overseas, and-"

"You know perfectly well that's a different kind of alien, stop doing that to mess me up!" her roommate yelled at her.

Satomi made a small sheepish smile and then shrugged apologetically.

"I suppose," Mikan said, taking everything with an amazing amount of _sang-froid_ , "it should come to no surprise by this point. Rito, you said that Ren guy in your class was another alien, didn't you?"

"Don't remember. Barely remember anything now," Rito said in a hollow tone, standing there like a zombie. "Maybe it'll last enough so I can forget absolutely everything, and then I'll know peace. At last."

"Well," Smutts muttered into Maul's ear, "at least he's got the 'drama queen' part of being a royal down pat."

Maul scowled and elbowed his colleague in the stomach.

Nana approached Chamo with a thoughtful look and her hands on her hips. "So you are from another planet as well? That's interesting, I wasn't aware species like yours existed in other worlds but this one. I must add your race to my catalogs, so where do you come from?"

"Uhhh... Mars," Chamo offered.

"You mean the next planet in orbit around your sun?" Nana asked. "I thought it was unable to sustain any life past the microscopic level!"

"Uh, we live well-hidden and cloaked under the surface, so we can't be detected by any invading alien civilizations?" the white animal gulped.

Nana thought it over, then nodded with a fangy grin. "I see! That's a very clever survival stratagem indeed for an obviously weak species like yours, Mr. Chamo! No doubt I love animals so much, you are the ultimate survivors, the greatest miracle of adaptation and diversity in the universe!"

Chamo sighed adoringly. "An animal lover! Oh, it's so good to meet one of those at last, Your Highness! Everyone around here is so mean to us poor innocent creatures of the wild!"

Nana smiled again and picked him up, hugging him tightly. "Oh, you poor thing! You must have suffered surrounded by barbarians! Don't worry, as a student of the sacred ways of Zoology, I swear on my honor to protect you...!"

"Princess...!" Chamo sobbed, his eyes streaming waterfalls as he rubbed himself up and down against her flat chest, his tail very stiff and erect.

"Mr. Chamo...!" Nana lovingly cooed, further rubbing him against herself while pastel bubbles floated all around them.

Everyone else in the room paused and stared, with giant sweatdrops attached to their heads. Finally, Momo rasped, "Actually, Nana, I think he's... Oh, never mind. Will someone attend to the door now, please? They've been ringing for like-"

"Okay, what's happening?!" Setsuna cried out, tossing the door open and flattening Rito against the wall as he shuffled around to go open it. "You called with such urgency, and then you didn't answer, and then we heard Chamo-san moaning and that's never a good- Uh, sorry, were we interrupting something?" she doubted, looking around at everybody in the room.

Nao pointed directly at Setsuna, ignoring the very confused Asuna and Konoka who stood behind her at the doorstep, and then asked Lala, "And what planet is she from?"

"Nao!" Mikan chided. "Sakurazaki-sempai is obviously very Japanese, I mean, just look at her! The looks of a perfect Yamato Nadeshiko, silk hiding steel, and the heart of the katana, our greatest national weapon!"

"Oh, no, actually, she's from Thanagar," Lala flat out lied with the widest of smiles.

"Thanagar?!" Maul, Smutts, Zastin and Momo chorused. Nana was too busy dancing around with a goofily blushing Chamo to care.

"... what's a Thanagar?" Setsuna weakly asked.

"C'mon, Setsuna, stop pretending!" Lala mock chided her. "Show those wings already, the birth pride of any Thanagarian! Be loud and proud of your warrior race, since you won't be loud and proud about your lesbianism!"

"I DON'T HAVE ANY WINGS AND I'M NOT A LESBIAN, WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, LALA-SAMA!"

Asuna frowned at the bizarre sight of someone other than Negi or Haruna actually liking Chamo. "Hmmm, all righty then... Who's the weird girl with the perverted critter fetish?"

Zastin's right eyebrow twitched violently. "What- What have you just said, you couth, young insolent? Insulting a member of the Deviluke Royal House like that is a crime punishable with-"

"Ooooooo!" Asuna cooed, taking a hand to her blushing cheek and suddenly generating the same bubbles Momo was creating by dancing. "Sorry, I should have noticed you before, Mister! Hellooooooo, nurseeeeee!"

Chisame stared jadedly at Zastin and explained, "She's from the Planet of the Apes, as our Class Rep once found out. And to think I used to believe she only was exaggerating..."

* * *

A lone figure moved stealthily over the rooftops of Mahora on a mission. From God.

This individual moved with graceful elegance, no motion waste, long dark hair trailing behind in the cold night air. They had been recently summoned upon this world, and promptly realized there was so much to do, so many wrongs to undo. The Holy Grail War had become a stagnated mess, bugged by all sorts of bogus Classes and Servants that shouldn't have been summoned, and so the sentient force behind the Grail had finally relented and brought a Ruler upon Mahora.

Of course, Angra Mainyu couldn't properly summon a holy champion of the light as befitting the true parameters of the Class, so this particular Ruler had been brought forth with perspectives that might have been somewhat... skewed. But then again, that, too, was par for the course for this War that never should have happened in the first place.

Saber felt the incoming presence as she sat watching TV in Emiya Shirou's living room, a moment before her Master's cellphone blared with the typical heroic fanfare that was his ringtone. Standing up as if a jolt of electricity had just hit her, the petite blonde instantly summoned her combat armor over her casual clothes while the red haired boy obliviously answered the call.

"Oh, it's you, Yuuki-san, how are you!" he casually greeted the stammering, stiffly talking voice through the figurative line. "Wait, I didn't think you had my number, did y- Oh, Negi-sensei, right, right. So, what's up anyway, why are you-"

"Shirou," Saber hissed, moving for the door, her invisible sword in a hand already. "Prepare yourself. I sense a powerful Servant coming our way!"

"Excuse me a sec, Yuuki-san," Shirou told Rito, then looked at Saber with a lifted eyebrow. "Excuse me? Incoming Servant, did you say?"

Saber nodded, her scowl tightening, her muscles growing ever readier to spring into action.

"Oh boy," Shirou sighed. "Um, Yuuki-san, I think we're kind of in the verge of being brutally attacked by, I don't know, Rider-san or Berserker-san, so you'll have to excuse us- Ah, aliens out to kill you, you say? W-Well, you know I'd love to help, but there are hero things to do here too, so-"

"Shirou!" Saber roared. "Get yourself behind me, now!"

"Of, of course we aren't doing anything like that!" Shirou raised his voice as well, growing upset while reluctantly stepping behind Saber, a Reinforced boken in his other hand. "Listen, we'll go there as soon as we can, okay? In the meanwhile try to stall as best as you can, I don't know, you have enough people to last for a while! Call Tohsaka if you want, Sensei has her number too! And-"

Saber snatched the phone from Shirou's hand, hurled it across the room, and shook her head to him, scowling sternly. "No distractions during the battle," she instructed.

He scowled back. "We'll have a serious discussion about this later."

"Later," she agreed, gesturing at him to be still. "They're at our doorstep now. I can feel it's not Rider, Lancer or Berserker. But regardless, it's still guaranteed to, any moment now-"

The door's bell rang.

Shirou blinked while Saber continued, "Even if they try playing mind games with us, we know there is no outcome to this encounter but a violent confrontation. They have come to us, that only can mean they are out for-"

The bell rang again.

"Uh," Shirou said, "maybe we should simply open..."

"No, that is what they want us to do," Saber said. "They must have heard about your inexperience and naivete, perhaps from that trickster priest. Or perhaps Lancer's Master has betrayed the terms of our truce. In any case-"

The bell rang again.

Shirou exhaled. "For the love of God, Saber, Servant or not, it's rude to ignore someone who is bothering to ring instead of just blowing through the door. As a matter of fact, I guess it's even ruder if we're slighting a Legendary Spirit..."

"You'd think so," Saber said, "but we are naught but leftovers of what we once were, and in the worst of cases, mere wraiths. You should never fear slighting someone who is not even a real person anymore, Shirou!"

"Oh, so I can serve you smaller portions of food now, then?"

"That's not a slight, that's a major offense that would be properly answered in kind," Saber threatened tensely before the bell rang yet again.

Master and Servant paused, and then Saber sighed and reached for the door, pulling it open. "Good evening," she greeted in a resigned tone. "And you would be Servant-"

"Ruler!" smiled the very pretty young woman with long, silky smooth dark hair standing on Shirou's doorstep. She wore a mostly white garment that was highly revealing, showing off a lot of succulent cleavage and long, slender legs in tall blue stockings. Despite of that, her clothes also gave the impression of belonging to some sort of religious order from their overall design choices, like the cross motif in the opening of her chest. Not to mention the gigantic cross that she carried around, assuming that was actually a cross and not a cross-shaped lance or gun or sword or rocket ship or whatever, that was.

"Ah. Ruler. Of course," Saber blandly said, still standing her ground while Shirou blinked in confusion.

"Yes, Ruler indeed!" the newcomer smiled proudly. "An emissary of Heaven out to correct the mistakes of this Grail! However, you are a proper Servant of the acceptable Saber class, so rejoice, for my judgment is not upon you yet! Well, other than the fact you aren't actually dead in the first place, so you're still an anomaly yourself, but we can debate that later..."

"What, what do you mean-" Emiya began.

"Shirou," Saber said, not taking her wary eyes off Ruler. "Servants of the Ruler class are not intended to be our competition. They are here only to act as overseers of the Grail War in the behalf of the higher powers themselves. So, this apparition technically should not be hunting for us unless we have broken one of the laws of the War."

Shirou blinked, trying to process this. "She's a _referee?_ " he said in disbelief.

"That is correct," Ruler solemnly nodded. "I am nothing but a humble caretaker. A tool of our Lord's all-benevolent will, out to prevent further divergences from the rightful Grand Order of this war! I will save the world either against or alongside you, without hesitation!"

Saber clenched her teeth a little, her eyes rolling back and forth between Ruler and Shirou and somehow feeling like being trapped being Schylla and Charybdis. "Very well..." she said. "That truly is a laudable purpose, O Ruler, if you truly intend to honor it. But if we aren't the targets of your ire, why would you come-"

"BA-BOW-POW!" Ruler shouted, slamming a hand ahead, hitting Saber across the chest in the middle of her question, and sending her flying through the room, crashing against the wall. "Tee-hee! Leaving an opening, that's a pretty shameful showing for a Saber!"

"Saber!" Shirou gasped, rushing to his quickly recovering Servant's side. "Are you okay, what are you-"

Ruler rasped and stomped a foot down, assuming a battle stance of her own. "No matter your role in this War, I still must test the strength of your convictions, the purity of your spirits! The heat in your bloo- I, I mean, the drive of your Heroic Soul! Put up your dukes, ah, that is, show me you are fit to fight for mankind's future, Saber! I'm going all out, so don't underestimate me!"

Shirou sighed. "Just another battle maniac, huh... Pity, I thought it'd really be different this time... is Monster-san the only sane Servant in this whole War?"

"HEY!" Saber and Ruler shouted at once.

* * *

Rito blandly put the phone down. "I think they're busy with some new Servant trying to kill them, or something like that..."

"Well, then call Iinchou and Makie, I guess," Asuna shrugged. "I mean, we'll never hear the end of Iinchou's bitching if she thinks we're leaving her out of this..."

* * *

Just like most of us do (except for the Joker, who was just honest with himself), Takagi Saya liked to think she was a good person.

Despite being born into one of Japan's most influential families, she liked to believe she would always think of her classmates and other peers as equals, even when they clearly were not. In this, she was probably somewhat less accurate than she wished to reassure herself, but at the very least the intent was there. She had once fallen for a boy of a clearly lesser social status, and despite being turned away, she kept no ill feelings towards him, and even today would quickly advice him whenever she thought he needed it, which was fairly often. If anything, she found it harder to connect with young people of her same status.

That included Suzushiro Haruka, her roommate and daughter of her father's closest political ally.

It wasn't that Suzushiro was even bustier than Saya; Saya held no special pride or sorrow for her own remarkable bustline, even if she did think it was quite taxing on the back every once in a while. It was not that Suzushiro was a workaholic who brought tons of paperwork to their room everyday, Saya had grown used to that and Suzushiro was neat enough as an organizer her documents never got in Saya's way. It was not even that Suzushiro had this creepy thing, first for her secretary Kikukawa and then for the darn kid teacher, whom Suzushiro now disturbingly insisted was her fiance. Saya could block most of that out of her mind, ugly implications and all. She was a Mahora student, after all.

What Saya supposed bothered her the most about Suzushiro was that the girl was simply so stuffy.

Until she had lost Kikukawa, after returning from that school trip.

It happened around the same time Suzushiro had begun insisting on being engaged to Nugi Silverlake or whatever his name was, so Saya supposed the later was a result of Suzushiro's mind being broken by the former. Whatever the case was, that had been the first time Saya had heard Suzushiro crying. Only when she thought Saya was well asleep, of course, but then the pink haired heiress could hear her whimpering and sobbing on the bunk above hers, lamenting her loss, and for the first time ever Saya had felt sorry for her, realizing she was so vulnerable and shaken. And then Saya questioned herself, if she was so good herself, shouldn't she acknowledge she had overheard her and try to comfort her?

But no, she told herself, of course that only would make things worse, even for Suzushiro herself. Saya knew she'd have hated it if Suzushiro had approached her to pity her after being rejected, right? It stood to reason Suzushiro's own reaction would be even worse in this case. After all, she hadn't wanted to go to Saya for relief (no, not that kind, no matter what rumor said), so she obviously didn't want it, at least not from her. Suzushiro took so much pride in her own strength and endurance, she'd obviously feel humiliated if Saya went over to her offering her any comfort from any sort of pain. So she didn't.

Thinking about it that way at least made Saya feel better about herself.

But that late night, four days before the Festival, what woke Saya up weren't the soft lamentations for a lost sister (despite of what Saya suspected, Haruka only thought of Yukino as a dear sister. That was part and parcel of why Yukino always acted so sad, but both heiresses had somehow completely missed the point). Rather, it was Haruka whispering in the darkness. At first Saya thought her roommate had finally snapped all the way into utter insanity, but then, dimly, through the stupor of her sleepy daze, she assumed the most rational thing to believe. _Oh, right, she's getting a phone call…_

She could overhear short gasps and hisses of irritation, which was pretty standard vocalization from Suzushiro in any kind of conversation, but other pieces of speech Saya could pick on were weirder, even for Suzushiro's standards.

"—and no one has grabbed their tails yet, I hope—"

"Saber-san not availaled, you say—"

"Right, just keep Saotome-san away from the tails until then—"

"No, no, that's okay, she sleeps like a log—"

"Thanagar? What the heck's that, I can't even pronoun-pronun-pro—Look, I'm on my way, fine?"

Then Saya guessed Suzushiro would simply come down and start dressing up for whatever emergency of the Student Council had popped up (Saya's best supposition was the SOS Brigade was involved somehow), but instead she only heard something that sounded like _"Adeat,"_ and then she felt as if someone had briefly lit fireworks up on Suzushiro's bunk. Despite Saya's eyes being still closed, she could feel the flash of light washing over them, and despite herself, she shuddered.

Next thing she knew, there was a powerful burst of chilly wind blowing from the outside, as the closest window was opened with a slam, and then Saya heard as if something big and heavy was hurled outside.

Unable to hold herself back any longer, she opened her eyes, scrambled around in the dark for the glasses on her nightstand, put them out, and craned her neck carefully to look out said now open window. Her jaw hung askew as she glimpsed Suzushiro's quickly moving shape, clad in some skintight white and green suit, leaping from one rooftop to another, speedily getting away from their dorm building. And holding what really looked like a gigantic spiked mace in a hand. Saya knew Suzushiro was quite strong and did a lot of gym in her sparse free time, but she never had imagined anything like that…

Covering her mouth with a hand, Saya slumped down, sitting on the edge of her bunk and trying to assimilate what had just happened. She could see she was now all alone in the bedroom, and she felt fairly awake now, so while slipping back under the covers and writing everything off as some kind of weird dream was pretty tempting, she knew it just wouldn't do.

But then, what in the world could?

"Why me, Lord," Saya muttered, running a hand down her suddenly sweaty face.

Damn it, yet _another_ rich socialite snapping and grabbing some high-tech thing to become a vigilante! She'd heard this Stark Syndrome was spreading, but hadn't guessed it had reached Japan!

* * *

"There's someone hiding in a tree right outside the house, by the way," Makie said while the still mostly zombie-like Rito closed the door behind her and Ayaka. "Negi-kun's Black Rose sister, I think."

"He isn't my sister," Negi sighed.

"Seriously?" Ayaka blinked at Makie. "I hadn't noticed that!"

Makie made a small sound with her tongue. "Tchk! It was part of Homura-mama's training. Detecting strangers hiding in foliage is the most basic step!"

"Maybe we should invite her in?" Setsuna asked.

"We aren't pulling any mysterious wildcard strangers, or sweet and danger prone sisters, impossible as the latter event may be, into this fight that only concerns m- I mean, me and Yuuki-san- I mean- Well, the point is, if the Black Rose Baron wanted in, he'd surely have rang the door already!" Negi laid the law out.

"Ring the door?" Chisame asked. "Being a mysterious vigilante of the night, why would she do that? Wouldn't she just show up through the skylight while black petals float around her?" she added, pointing up at the large hole in the ceiling made by Zastin's entrance when all this insanity started.

Zastin raised an eyebrow. "Your Professor seems to have quite the interesting family life."

"Oh, you don't know half of it," Matoi sighed. "Well, who are we calling next? Skuld-sama and Papacon Girl?"

"Uh, why?" Asuna asked in turn. "Sku-chan's not much of a help in a straight fight, she gets in the way more often than not, and Yuuna doesn't bring anything to the table that Makie doesn't already."

"Her bullets are anti-magic, unlike mine, though," Makie pointed out.

"So's this, what's your point?" Asuna shrugged, hefting her harisen. "Besides, we aren't fighting mages or demons this time, so what of it anyway?"

"Don't throw the 'M' word around so easily, please..." Negi begged, tilting his eyes towards the kitchen, where Nao and Konoka were trying to calm Mikan down after the girl's latest bout of realization over the ridiculous danger for everyone surrounding the whole situation. "Either way I agree, let's keep them out of this."

"Okay, the cheerleaders, then? Kugimiya's still too much of a noob and Kakizaki's kinda flaky in the battlefield, but Shiina's luck might come handy..." Matoi suggested.

"Even so, I don't feel at ease bringing her into this as long as it can be helped," Satomi said. "I vote against it."

"All right, what do you say about Itoshiki-sensei and Ai-chan?" asked Matoi this time. "He'll come running as soon as he hears there's deadly danger, we know that..."

"Yes, I suppose," Negi exhaled, "and we also know he'll spend more time throwing himself into harm's way than actually trying to stop the source of said harm. He might hate me for this later, but let's better keep him out of this one."

Nana chuckled while Momo shot her a dirty look. "Looks like half of your precious team isn't even reliable at all!"

"Don't get me wrong, please," Negi told her. "I'd trust any of them with my own life-"

"- it's just we wouldn't trust them, especially Itoshiki-sensei, with their own lives. And Negi-kun's very careless about his anyway!" Haruna piped in.

"Please let me continue, Haruna-san," her teacher chided her. "Anyway, Princess Nana, while they all are trustworthy in their own ways, not all of them are the best choices for one kind of situation or another. Like Master Evangeline has taught me, a big part of success as a field leader hinges on picking carefully your options to bring into a conflict. Often, you can't win battles just by throwing everyone you have on your enemy..."

"I can respect that wisdom," Zastin nodded gravelly. "Sounds like your mentor is at least somewhat knowledgeable in the arts of war. Why haven't you called her then?"

"We've tried calling her," Negi frowned. "But she's out of phone range. She and Chachamaru-san must be in their resort... where communication with the outside world is all but impossible. But never mind. I figure we can do battle as we stand now."

"You sure about that, Sensei?" Chisame asked, her frown tightening.

"Of course, you aren't a frontline fighter, Chisame, so I don't expect you to join-"

"Oh, let's not get started with that crap again, will you?! As if I could just stand aside while watching your dumb ass-"

Then the black petals began flying in through the hole in the ceiling, and Chisame sighed. "Well, of course she'd decide to finally say her piece as soon as I insulted your ass."

* * *

"I don't think there's anything very saintly or heroic," Shirou quietly observed as he sat back, "about trashing another's house."

His throat was sore from shouting "No fighting! No fighting!" so much, besides yelling at the neighbors through the windows every time one of them shouted at them to shut up with their crazy party, and his energy, overall, was very depleted now. Since it was now clear both Servants meant no actual harm to each other but to his earthly belongings, he had resigned himself to just sitting down and waiting for them to finish while commenting on the unfairness of it all.

At this point Ruler and Saber were resorting to close quarters sword parrying, if you could call an exchange of blows and blocks between a cross-shaped staff and an invisible blade that. Shirou guessed Saber had the edge there, as she well should; that was how things looked to him from his position, even if the invisibility of her weapon added a certain component of uncertainty to it (and yet, Saber had reassured him before it was nearly impossible to dent or bent her sword), but Ruler seemed to hold her own better than he had expected at first.

Saber seemed to think so as well, smiling as they fell into what now was more of a highly destructive playful spar than anything else. "A weapon blessed by the gods, I assume?" she conversationally asked the other Servant.

Ruler pouted at the question. "There's only a single true God. Any blessings from any others are irrelevant. Yours?"

"Well, I suppose you'd call the beings who forged my blade impure, pagan abominations," the blonde conceded, steadily driving the taller female back with a relentless onslaught of swordmanship flurry. Shirou blinked in mild awe, as her hands nearly looked like a blur as she pressed on her attack. "But I still consider myself a good follower of the True Faith."

"Many do," Ruler said, as her staff glowed and she gained an extra burst of increased stamina and power, bashing back against Saber's strokes more or less successfully, even if her speed didn't seem to have increased along. Shirou estimated she was a raw strength type fighter, while Saber was overall more balanced. "But the real doctrines of the Master have been greatly corrupted over the centuries! Even in your time, you might have learned twisted dogmas, altered teachings!"

"I guess this is a bad moment to mention I'm a Buddhist," Shirou mused to himself. He was glad he'd managed to salvage a cushion, else all this sitting around watching his room get trashed would have been really hard on his ass.

Every so often into the spar, Ruler would whisper some sort of prayer in what sounded like an ancient tongue, and then strike back at Saber with renewed vigor. Even though Shirou didn't know or couldn't figure out the exact words of what she was saying, he still guessed they were prayers because of her reverent, almost feverish tone, not to mention the clearly supernatural results and the context of the rest of Ruler's conversation. He imagined this continued back and forth between one opponent who didn't seem to grow tired and another who recharged herself continuously meant they'd keep going at it until his house was completely destroyed, but much to his surprise they stopped shortly after this latest exchange.

"I am satisfied, regardless," Ruler panted, struggling not to smirk and try to keep the blush on her cheeks down. Shirou could swear her nipples looked rather pointy under the thin white cloth of her garments as well, but he immediately reprimanded himself over that and pulled his head aside awkwardly. "You are authorized to keep on fighting for the Grail, Saber. You even might be the best example of a proper Servant I've seen in this war so far, oh yeah—I mean, you have my congratulations!"

Saber panted as well, lowering Invisible Air, and Shirou realized now she suddenly looked much more spent than she had let on moments ago. There was even a slight shake on her knees, even if her posture still remained straight and regal. "You are," she said, "a fine adversary as well."

"I'd prefer be called a friend," Ruler humbly said, her head low, "but I understand this is a time to kick as—I mean, a time for war. Fight with honor and you'll have no objections from me."

"It's the only way we would care to do battle," Saber observed, sheathing her weapon back.

Ruler smiled softly and nodded. "That brings considerable relief to my heart. Well, where is my room?"

There was a very long pause.

"Excuse me?" Shirou said after a while.

Ruler closed her eyes and elegantly flicked some dark hair behind an ear. "I need a place from which to observe the events of the war. Normally I'd choose the House of Our Lord to kick back and set shop, that is, to establish my base of most holy operations, but I don't like the aura of these grounds' church. I feel it has been tainted by the stench of moral decay…"

Saber nodded. "Yes, Father Kirei is mighty suspicious indeed. I don't think he has the best interests for a man of the cloth. Glad to see you would agree."

"W-Well, there's that, too," Ruler rasped uncomfortably, "but I was mostly thinking of the mini-skirted nuns they keep there, some of which seem to hold romantic feelings for children, and others towards their sisters in the habit. I only have observed them from afar yet, but I don't think that's the behavior that should be seen in members of God's organization."

"…" Saber said.

"I hate to tell you this, Ruler-san," Shirou said, "but if you mean Misora-san and Cocone-chan… they happen to be friends of ours."

"… oh," Ruler said. "Well, I imagine they don't spend all day long here, and I can't stand being Servants from bogus classes either, and this house is big and comfy enough, so I'm crashing here until I can find myself a better place, I mean—"

"Don't you have a Master to stay with?" Shirou asked her.

"Shirou," Saber rolled her eyes quietly, "that's not the way the Ruler class works. They aren't supposed to have Masters other than the Grail itself…"

"Well, then can't she stay with the Grail?" asked Emiya. "Mind you, Ruler-san, not that I mind at all about your presence here, but Fujimura-sensei, my guardian, well, if she ever sees you here, she'll start having wrong thoughts about us, and—"

Ruler blinked. "Why would she do that? I'm a holy woman, isn't that obvious?" she asked, taking a hand to the cross-shaped cleavage window on her well-endowed chest.

Shirou's eyebrows twitched as he tried not to stare there anymore than strictly necessary. "Anyway, I'll go bring a broom, uh, I'll fix this mess so you don't have to stay in a disaster area…"

"Yes, you do that, it's good Christian hospitality," Saber approved. "And while you are at that, bring me a sandwich or two, will you, Shirou? This hearty battle depleted enough of my energies for me to feel it…"

* * *

Dropping to their feet through the large hole, the masked stranger in white spoke clear and proudly, their wide cape billowing all around, an elegant twirl of a wrist helping to further conceal their handsome face behind their cane.

 _Batman did not sneeze, but it was a very close thing._

"Black Rose Baron!" Negi gasped, more out of a sense of obligation than anything else.

"So we meet again, Negi Springfield!" the Baron smirked. "It's been a while!"

"You were literally at our room the other night to invite him into that stupid duel date!" Chisame reminded them.

Tilting their head back like a SHAFT character, the newcomer tossed their long hair back. Despite herself, Asuna's heart went 'Ba-BUMP!'

Makie and Ayaka only cringed.

"Coursing through the night like an independent smooth operator!" the Baron said. "Obeying no laws of man or alien but my own!" And how oddly cathartic it felt, Nekane thought. No wonder Wade liked it so much, now it was all so obvious! "The emissary of friendship and rivalry alike, the Black Rose Baron, defender and scourge of Earth, is now here to throw his wild card into the hat!"

Now Momo, Nana, Zastin, Maul and Smutts also all visibly cringed in disgust. "Has this person suffered brain damage recently?" Nana asked Haruna.

"Nah, it just comes in the blood, I think," Haruna shrugged, and she of all people should know damn well.

The Baron laughed, a small, short variation of the Ojou Laugh that barely tried to sound masculine at all. Although 'flaming gay' was probably the effect she was aiming for anyway. Either way, now Ayaka deeply frowned at the improper usage of such sound. The masked mystery, um, man said, "Heed my words! Whether human, mage, alien, mutant, time traveler, ESPer, slider or Twitard, I'll allow no one to harm my, ah, rival Negi Springfield! He is mine, mine, mine, errr, I mean his defeat is reserved exclusively for me!"

"But why, what did I ever do to you?!" Negi protested, in a tone that might have been either delusional, playing along, or simply astonishingly blind in the face of evidence. For the first time ever Nodoka found herself wishing she could have Psycho Purple-san's Artifact so she could learn herself.

"Oh, so you'll throw your lot into the battle as well?" Zastin asked. "Fair enough, at least you seem of a certain age. Numbers make no difference to us, but be warned, we won't hold back just because you are a woman..."

"I'm a man!" the Baron complained.

"I want to believe, I wish I could..." Asuna muttered only to herself, discreetly chewing on her lower lip. Bravely, she fought about the conflicting feelings this person assuming the mantle of a dashing roguish gentleman, just her type other than the square jawed straight clean do-gooder, the crooked dandy, the rugged older renegade, the grim quiet mentor, and the musclebound well-oiled bruiser with the surprise sensitive core, gave her whenever they crossed paths.

"You know, now that I get a really close look at her, she kinda looks like you a little bit?" Haruna casually asked, leaning closer to Baka Red. "Then it isn't that bad, it's just like you're being narcissistic rather than—"

"I have no idea what you're talking about, but either way you aren't making it any better, Paru!" Asuna growled.

* * *

Finally, they had walked out of the house and quietly made their way to the largest available free space, a wide bank by the river, not too far from a stone bridge, near where the woods started. The starry night was clear and cool, yet not cold enough as to be chilly, and any shudders Mikan felt came from her discomfort and fear with the situation rather than any issues with the temperature.

"This site will suffice, I believe," Zastin approved with a subtle nod, looking in all directions. "Far away from interlopers, and while it's somewhat small, we've fought in tighter quarters often before. Are you all sure you don't wish for more backup?"

"Well, I do!" Asuna sighed. "But if wishes were fishes, right?"

"Anyone who wants out is actually greatly welcome to walk aw-" Negi began.

"I haven't said that!" Asuna hissed. "Like hell I'm leaving Konoka and Setsuna-san alone to risk their lives for the sake of Paru's illicit romance!"

"... it's not even only MY romance!" Haruna quietly protested as she set up a sign that read 'Convenient spacious battleground occupied. Dramatic battle to decide fate of loved on in progress. Please use alternate location'". "As a matter of fact, Rito-chan's the one Zastin-sama objects to, and Yue is the actual main wif-"

"Please don't finish that sentence," Yue grumbled, with a thick book in each hand and an extremely sour look on her face.

"I still think you guys should be calling some government agency, but whatever, your funerals, not ours," Nao shrugged, standing aside behind Mikan.

"Nao...!" her younger cousin said angrily. "It's Rito's as well!"

"You only care about me?" Rito blinked.

Nao sighed. "Well, it'll probably be a full year before Uncle and Aunt learn, the way they bother to keep in touch. I'm sure we'll think of a good excuse by then..."

"Really not helping at all, Nao!" Mikan stomped a foot down.

Behind the very pale Rito, who held his watering can Artifact in a hand as steadily as he could, stood Negi, Chisame, Satomi, Matoi, Yue, Haruna, Nodoka, Haruka, Ku Fei, Ayaka, Makie, Asuna, Setsuna, Konoka and the Black Rose Baron, all Ministra in their Pactio regalia. They faced Zastin, Maul and Smutts, while Lala, Nana and Momo stood by a side with Chamo being held in Nana's arms, waving a small 'Go Negi!' flag around. The two younger Yuukis' stood further apart, as Zastin gestured at them to walk back as much as they could next to Haruna's sign.

"Honorable Miss Yuuki, Red-haired Skank," Zastin told Mikan and the unflinching Nao, holding out a small silvery device, "I now shall use this to project a forcefield around us, so that any stray blasts or discharges from our battle won't harm you. Thusly I guarantee your personal safety while you wait for the generous economic compensation you will receive from the Emperor after the loss of your relative..."

"Gee, that's awfully considerate of you," Mikan snarked, trying her best to hold up, hoping against all reason Rito and the others could turn the tables back. "Still, you're warned, if you kill my brother I'll kill you next!"

"Exactly how much of a compensation are we talking about here?" Nao asked.

"Nao!" Mikan yelled.

Zastin, despite himself, smiled. He liked the little one's spirit, he'd have to depart quickly after disposing of her disgrace of a brother since he didn't wish to harm her beyond getting her rid of him (which, he reasoned, would probably actually benefit her in the long run). "I imagine you'll be able to buy this whole city, at the very least," he estimated.

"Whoa, Headmaster Nao, Mayor Nao, those do have a nice ring to them," Nao thought aloud, rubbing her chin. "Still, do your best, Rito, okay? Ruling won't be that much fun if I can't have you around so I can flaunt my riches to you!"

"Thanks, Nao, I'll try," the boy nodded, then looked back at the others. "That's her way of being nice."

"I've noticed," Chisame dryly said.

"Not that different from Mana's," Ku Fei said. "Speaking of it, maybe we should-"

Nao and Mikan didn't get to hear the end of her sentence, since Zastin pressed a button on his device and a cloak fell upon the area before them. Nao and Mikan gasped; the view before them had been replaced by a perfect facsmile of what the riverbank would usually look like at that time, had it been completely empty. Briefly, Mikan thought they'd been teleported away, but then, carefully, she stepped up despite Nao's attempt to hold her back, and she grazed the air with her fingertips.

Sure enough, Mikan felt an invisible barrier that sent slight tingling through her skin, the kind you feel in contact with static electricity. Stepping back, she swallowed the large knot in her throat and weakly requested, the long denied wetness finally coming to her eyes, "Nao? Please, please hold me."

So her cousin did so. Firmly.

As Mikan closed her eyes and pressed her face against Nao's face, the redhead rested her chin on the smaller girl's scalp, and her face tightened into a look of raw, impotent anger.

A moment later, a girl in a white dress dropped out of the sky, saw the sign and frowned. She sighed, and turned to look at what seemed to be a demonic rat with three heads and a tail that spouted fire. "Sorry, Jewel Seed-san, this place is occupied. We'll have to go to that vacant lot where they're planning to put up a Lexmart to have our fight."

The rat-monster chittered in annoyance as Nao and Mikan stared.

"Yeah, there really needs to be an app for this sort of thing," the white-clothed girl said as she rose in the air. "First the square in front of the World Tree, then the athletic field… we really need to find a way to know when convenient places to fight are occupied!"

Nao and Mikan kept staring as the two sworn enemies went to the vacant lot to have their fight.

"Mikan, after this, let's move out of the city," Nao said. "This place is just too weird now."

* * *

"Well, I'm glad you could solve your issues peacefully," Shirou said with a perfectly straight face as he stood in the middle of his house's trashed interior, which looked like a hotel room after an 80's band had stayed over. Some of the furniture were somehow even glued to the ceiling! Looking at Ruler and Saber while they happily ate their sandwiches, he continued, "but if you're done, I'd like going to see if Negi-sensei and the others still need any help..."

Saber nodded, then pushed the rest of her submarine sandwich into her mouth in a way that made Ruler and Shirou flinch. It was like seeing a snake swallowing a rat whole as the thick mass of the sandwich, into which Shirou had put a bit of everything sandwich-compatible in the kitchen as usual, went like a large bulge down her throat. Then the blonde primly wiped the corners of her mouth with a paper tissue and stood up. "I agree. There are lives to save. Some of them, like the Professor's, even worth the effort."

Ruler blinked. "Wait, where are you going now? Does this have something to do with the Grail War?"

"Uh, no, although they also help us with that whenever they can," Shirou admitted, tossing a jacket on and zipping it up. "They're just friends who get into a lot of trouble regularly, so..."

Ruler frowned. "Shouldn't all your efforts currently be in the pursuit of the Holy Cup? Why would you deviate from the most sacred of missions?"

Saber replied before Shirou could. "Didn't Jesus Our Savior's doctrine state helping our fellow man is more important than anything else?"

Ruler opened her mouth to answer, paused, then said, "Actually, Loving God is the most important thing. After that, yes, loving and aiding our fellow man, but... even so, you've been placed in this world with a single goal Saber, just like I was. Why, I was brought forth precisely so the War wouldn't keep derailing with all your, well, your side projects and stuff like that!" She waved her hands, the impatient tomboyish side of hers once again making the gentle and demure side slip.

Saber and Shirou shared a glance, then Saber told her Master, "Come to think about it, if the Grail is corrupted and it summoned her, that should influence her views on the whole subject, shouldn't it?"

Shirou frowned. "What are you trying to say? I think she's being sincere, and in a way I guess she's right, even though..."

"In a way?!" Ruler protested, standing from her chair and slamming her hands on the table. "Of, of course I am correct, how rude to imply otherwise! I'm not saying I am infallible, but I try to act according to the principles of Our Lord, which are the pure and absolute truth! And what's that whole prattle about the Grail being corrupted? Why would a corrupted Grail bring forth a servant of the Son of God Himself, huh, huh?"

Shirou sighed. "Well, yeah, you gave me something to think about, I'll try and give an answer as soon as we return. Let's go, Saber," he said, turning around and marching for the front door.

"Yes, Shirou," Saber said, following dutifully and already reaching for the cap and blue jacket on a nearby perch.

Ruler blinked, downright livid. "You're simply walking away like that... after I've stressed the importance of the situation to you?!"

"Please have the house ready for Fujimura-sensei's arrival, which should happen around 6:00 A.M., in the event we haven't returned by then," Saber requested of her while putting her Mysterious Heroine X disguise on, never stopping. "Should she ask, and she will, please tell her you're just an old friend of Kiritsugu, she'll understand. Now, as for the breakfast, you'd better know how to cook..."

"I do, but that's not the point!" Ruler screeched, stomping after them. "Why would you abandon your duties like that?! At least if you were going after another Servant I'd understand! Don't you realize, every second you stray away from your mission is one second the Grail might edge closer to evil hands...?!"

"There might be a very epic, dramatic fight going on where we're heading, all the same," Saber paused as Shirou opened the front door.

Ruler stopped and opened her eyes very widely. "How so?"

"Well, they might not be Servants," Saber said, "but this era holds all manners of strange, powerful fighters who will no doubt go into the annals of history, just like we did. Most of them, for some reason, seem to have a manner of grudge or another against our allies. A Servant might hold hopes of meeting them in a future War, but then I suppose, if the Grail is obtained in this contest, such chance will be lost forever from now on..."

"That..." Ruler stiffly said, one eyebrow twitching, "That would be a shame... I guess, for anyone only interested on the fight itself..."

"Yes, it would," Saber agreed, following Shirou outside. "I will be honest and admit I am both one who lives for battle and to help my fellow man (and women!), so of course I cannot refuse this call. I truly pity those who would just act like puppets of their fate, but I suppose you wouldn't know about that, Exalted Ruler. Looking forward to that breakfast, I'm sure it'll be delicious."

"Ahhhh..." Ruler blandly said.

Then she fumed, and began rushing after the steadily marching Master and Servant in their way down the sidewalk. "Who's Kiritsugu anyway?! And why would I have to lie about knowing him, when God hates lies and all liars?!"

* * *

 **To be Continued**.


End file.
